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Original poster

I feel awful. Dd has a horrible new friend.

42 replies

Darksideofthemoon19 · 20/09/2019 21:14

Dd has started secondary and has made a few new friends. One of them came round today and we met her officially.
She’s so mean.

She called my daughter ugly, my youngest ugly, pointed out my double chin, said my Dd used to be ugly, and went on and on about sex. She’s 11. She picked up my youngest Dd balloon sword and said it reminds her of a boys bits..

I don’t know what to do. My Dd really likes her but has zero confidence as it is.

She also called Dd fat and said she has a fat tummy now after eating their dinner.

They are in the same class so I’m not sure what to do?!

Help!

OP posts:
Phaf · 20/09/2019 21:17

Secondary school teacher here. Call the school Monday and inform them all of this. Ask for her to be away from this girl in classes etc. Encourage your daughter to stay clear of her and make other friends, explain the importance of this why it's better for her self esteem to avoid people like this.

Tableclothing · 20/09/2019 21:18

Well, she was rude to you and your other DD so you'd be justified in saying she can't come back.

The utterly inappropriate sexualised comments need reporting to the NSPCC.

Soola · 20/09/2019 21:22

Did you pull her up on any of it?

Make comments like his -

Don’t be unkind.

You won’t be welcome back here if you say anything rude like that again.

What does your mother say when you make silly things like that?

No she’s not fat, where have you heard that kind of nonsense?

Etc

Raphael34 · 20/09/2019 21:25

Did you stick up for your children, or even yourself? Any one of those comments and that child would have been out of the door and I’d be onto her parents. I hope you didn’t let this slide and teach your dd’s that it’s ok for a ‘friend’ to treat you like shit and insult you

Original poster
Darksideofthemoon19 · 20/09/2019 21:28

Yes I did, I said it wasn’t very nice. She was so so so hyper though and not sure if she says it without thinking? I’m not sure what to think or do! Her mum has invited my Dd to sleep next week and now I’m really worried!

OP posts:
Josieannathe2nd · 20/09/2019 21:35

Cancel the sleepover. Invent an excuse if your daughter needs one. No way would I subject my kid to that long with one who sounds so mean.

thisisthetime · 20/09/2019 21:35

I would tell her mum the comments that she made. As she had only just started in year 7 it may be early enough to nip it in the bud.

I definitely wouldn’t be letting dd stay there for now until you can see a definite change.

Agree with pp advice to encourage your dd to make different friends and have them separated if possible.

backouch · 20/09/2019 21:36

Say no to the sleepover! I can't believe you're even questioning it. Speak to the school or email the form tutor to let them know what's going on. They need to be aware of how this child can act.

Raphael34 · 20/09/2019 21:37

No way would my child be going over to that house. How did your dd react to being called fat and ugly? What if something this girl says really upsets her when you’re not there to defend her? If this girl an saying stuff like that to her on front of you then what’s she going to say in her own home? I’d be wary of her parents aswell. These people have raised this little girl who is constantly making sex references at 11 years old and is happily calling her friends (and grown adults) horrible names. She’s got that from home. I wouldn’t want anything to do with them. I’m not one to upset people or cause confrontations unnecessarily, but I wouldn’t hesitate to say or at least text back that you’re concerned about your dd staying as their dd was openly bullying her in front of you

backouch · 20/09/2019 21:37

I'm sorry that your daughter has made a friend, for her to turn out to be so nasty. This happened to me too in secondary and it's souk destroying as a child.

Original poster
Darksideofthemoon19 · 20/09/2019 21:39

Iv cancelled the sleepover, we decided to say she’s going to her grandmas. She said she’s not like it at school at all.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 20/09/2019 21:40

I'd cancel the sleepover and tell her mum why. Tell her she was rude and unkind to everyone.

Sweetpea84 · 20/09/2019 21:40

I’d be keeping my daughter away from any sleepover and I’d be reporting about the sex comments very inappropriate and worrying.

Onemorecrisp · 20/09/2019 21:42

What has her mother said ?

TheCanyon · 20/09/2019 21:42

Would I hell have this kid in my house ever again, and I'd be having strong words with dd. I've no qualms with picking up on disgusting behaviour though.

Thirtyysomething · 20/09/2019 21:44

I can’t believe an 11 year old behaved like this 😱

fucketyfeck · 20/09/2019 21:45

Wow. Ummm I'd have had her collected and had a word with the mother. That's totally unacceptable. "Hyper" is a lazy excuse for allowing shitty behaviour. No way would I want my child to have this kid as a friend. I'd be going on the offence with this one.

Original poster
Darksideofthemoon19 · 20/09/2019 21:47

I haven’t spoken to her mum but I’m going too.

As I said I’m not sure what to make of it, Dd says she’s nothing like it at school. I’m not sure if she was nervous and hyper etc.

Iv cancelled the sleepover.

I’m just really upset. Dd struggles to make friends and i honestly thought she was lovely at first. Plus she’s in her class.

OP posts:
BlockedAndDeleted · 20/09/2019 21:49

Think you need to have a chat with your daughter about what healthy friendships feel like and look like.

fergusthefrog · 20/09/2019 21:52

Definitely chat to your daughter about healthy relationships, boundaries, inappropriate conversations re sex as I wish this had been covered more when I was this age.

You sound like a lovely mum really looking out for her daughter and I'd have done all these things as I agree, it's very concerning.

I'd definitely speak to someone at the school about splitting them up. Not sure how easy that'll be however.

jardy · 20/09/2019 21:58

Please talk to your daughter about healthy relationships and thank goodness you are aware of it.
I too had this experience but was blind to it,I thought the rude friend was incredibly cool and confident.Looking back it was damaging to my self-esteem but didn't realise at the time.Flowers

ifeellikeanidiot · 20/09/2019 21:59

If your dd says she's nothing like that at school, then there's a good chance she was just was just v nervous and just has a long way to go with social and personal skills. don't write her off just yet.

jardy · 20/09/2019 22:02

Excellent advice from Phaf.Avoidance would have been so much better.

Cherrysoup · 20/09/2019 22:13

Speak with the head of Year. Definitely talk to the mum and tell her how incredibly rude her dd was.

DoctorAllcome · 20/09/2019 22:14

Poor child probably has Asperbergers and so struggles with social interactions.