How do you switch off from emotionally demanding jobs

[Itsjeremycorbynsfault]

Average week at work this week but has involved supporting clients who are suicidal, are sectioned, homeless, fleeing domestic abuse, disclosures of rape, child safeguarding concerns, clients at high risk of death, chronic substance misuse, hospital visits, being here there and everywhere in the community, sitting with people who are just broken.

It's Friday, I'm sat on my sofa and I feel absolutely drained and tearful.

For those of you who work in emotionally demanding roles, how do you take care of yourself and switch off from it all?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference

It's hard, but you just have to tell yourself that you've done as much as you can to help those people and try to be content in that knowledge. Failing that, ice cream, but don't resort to it every night!

Unmumsnetty hugs for you. It does suck.

I re-read my childhood books. Nothing better than a quarter of sweets and an old Enid Blyton. I happily retreat to being 9 again.

Ice cream and Roald Dahl sounds like a good plan!

I have a job involving the same aspects. In my role we have regular supervision, is this something you have access to?

I got quite burnt out taking work home with me a couple of years ago. What helped me was:
1 year of personal therapy, identifying my ‘blind spots’ and working on coping strategies
Putting in boundaries around my email use (no checking outside of working hours)
Forcing myself to take breaks in the day (even if it’s 5 minutes standing outside looking at Facebook!)
Doing some kind of activity to switch off on my way home- I would call a family member for a chat on my drive home, or stick on a podcast
Finding a balance between socialising and activity, and time at home to chill and process
Having a reciprocal arrangement with a colleague where I could call and debrief if any horrendous sessions at the end of the day, particularly on a Friday.

It’s really not easy.

I think there’s also something about noticing you are doing the best you can in the circumstances, and trying not to feel wholly responsible for situations that are out of your control.

I think you need to detach and treat it as a job. You need to treat the tasks for these people as a job. I've no experience in your field and I'm overinvested in mine but a brilliant book worth buying is How not to give a fuck.

Re-reading books I love. Video games. Tv box sets. Anything that gives me escapism. Sandbox video games especially, because I can make myself feel like I'm genuinely somewhere else. Whenever I play Zelda DH asks me if I'm off to save the tiny little world again. It does genuinely help leave my job behind for a little bit.

I'm currently watching the comfort blanket that is the Repair Shop!

I wish I knew. I am emotionally and physically exhausted by my job (and about to head to a bank night shift that I really really regret booking). My Tv is broken 😢 So books, scrolling mindlessly through the Internet

My husband bakes. It's my idea of hell but it helps him. He was in the middle of a long run of shifts last night, so he started to bake at about 7.30pm, finished the cake, let it cool, rolled his eyes when I tried to sneak the outside of the cake, tidied up, went straight to sleep and woke up this morning ready to go in to work again. He's usually good at compartmentalising but when he needs to he bakes cakes.

Swearing, crying, singing loudly in the car. If all else fails I go to a local park and sit on the swings and look for the good in the world.

Doing all the things I advise those I support to do. Basic self care of enough sleep, half decent diet etc. A strong faith which helps with sense of purpose, feeling as though it’s not all up to me to solve and terrible trash tv which requires no concentration - love island is a coping strategy.

I kind of pretend I'm in a play or film. It's not 'me' reading and viewing all that stuff but a tough cookie character who's good at her job. It doesn't always work so I play hidden object games. They refocus my thinking. That and hugs with DH & DS(14) & finding something funny on TV for us to watch.

Thank you for all your replies, the suggestions are helpful.

It's made me realise that recently I've stopped doing a lot of what I used to enjoy in my spare time such as reading and baking. I've just been coming home, sorting the children and house out and then collapsing on the sofa, ruminating.

Definitely need to set time aside for myself again.

Definitely like the idea of pretending I'm a tough cookie character in a film!

OP, are you receiving counselling in your line of work, that is a lot to carry even if you are providing support in a professional basis. What you hear and witness can hurt you and traumatise you, don’t play it down. If it is affecting you, talk to your boss/supervisor about it so measures can be put in place before you feel worse.

No ruminating at all. I leave my clients and go upstairs and deliberately watch 30 minutes of mindless tv. Then I'm human again.

Distraction is the best thing for me.

I remind myself that bad things will happen to people whether I’m there or not and by being there to deal with it then at least i can make sure it’s dealt with by the best of my ability.

I also am fortunate enough to have horses and I find spending time just being with them very soothing. It’s a completely different world to my workplace which helps.

I'm lucky in that where I work, my colleagues are all extremely supportive of each other, which helps.

My commute is approx 40 minutes and I put on an audiobook. Usually something v easy to listen to and escapist - Harry Potter or the Sookie Stackhouse books. It helps to have a clear division (physical as well as mental) between work and home, I think. The nature of my job means it isn't possible to work from home, thank God.

Sometimes I talk to DH over dinner about what's gone on, but not often.

I'm finding it easier to switch off now than I used to. I think it's a survival thing, tbh. If I worried every night about every vulnerable client I could do nothing else. "You can only do what you can do" is the mantra. Accepting the limits of what we (both as individuals and as a service) are able to offer is easier some days than others. But that's where the supportive colleagues come in.

Occasionally I just need a drink by the time I get home. I know it's self-medicating but it's only one in a while, and I stopped drinking overnight when I got pregnant so I'm not worried.

Other ways to relax for me are running, yoga, martial arts, Netflix, gardening. I get a massage fairly often too.

And changing out of my work clothes as soon as I get home.

Who is there that you can talk to? Do you get supervision? Can you talk to colleagues? Or have friends/family who do similar work?

Fresh air/exercise when I can even if it's just being chased round the garden by my toddler. I crochet and knit too, and my production rate definitely increases when I've been particularly stressed at work

I run. And after a while the images and the voices and the worries of the day begin to quiet, and I all I have to think about is my breathing, my aching legs, the sounds of birds, wow look at that sunset, can I get up that hill and so on. And when I get home I feel I've discarded the day like a lizard sheds its skin. Fresh and ready for tomorrow.

Debrief, supervision, support from colleagues/manager, counselling, exercise, contact with nature, yoga, a gin & tonic in the company of good friends.

Setting and maintaining and constantly checking boundaries, professionally (obv) but also in my personal life.
-supervision
-personal therapy
-support from colleagues and management

• Macmillan (for eg) offer some really good courses on emotional resilience, etc

-mindfulness

• horses

-wine -planning little treats to look forward to, mostly with DD

I’ve handed in my notice and have got a better paid job with less stress.

I compartmentalise a lot and have a work me and a home me if that makes sense. Maybe not entirely healthy but it works for me, otherwise I’d never switch off. I work quite a way outside my area and use the drive home to decompress, open a window, bit of music etc. As I get closer to my house, I get closer to being my home self and now I don’t really think about work in the evenings / weekend at all.