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Original poster

Drawbacks of having a third

39 replies

Twitney · 18/09/2019 12:38

Increasingly broody for number 3, just as things are getting easier... aware it's partly because eldest has started school, but also feel partly like I'm self sabotaging because life is starting to feel manageable and level again.

Really struggling to listen to my rational thoughts when my heart just wants another child in our family. Could anyone help me out with the reasons a third might be a bad idea, think I could use the reality check .

DH happy to have another if it's what I 'really want'. What I really want is to not want another, does that make sense?!

OP posts:

Chirpychirpy3 · 18/09/2019 12:39

You’ll be outnumbered

sashamichele · 18/09/2019 12:42

I'm my experience my third has always been left out by her two older siblings. They were thick as thieves and the she just hung around me for attention and a playmate. Even now at 14,16,17 the older two just don't get on with her and single her out. 9 years later I went on to start a second family with my now dp and we have a 5 and 2 year old and there is no way in hell I will be adding to them to creat another 3rd child

Greatnorthwoods · 18/09/2019 12:43

Yes to being outnumbered, no matter what you and DH do you will always have one kid running or kicking off and you can’t effectively deal with it because you are already both dealing with kids

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Baguetteaboutit · 18/09/2019 12:44

I feel awfully disloyal about talking about the drawbacks of a third when DS3 is so lovely. For me, having a third has disabused me of the notion that I could happily have five, no sweat, and that people grossly overestimate the amount of work in childrearing. From two to three took me from "piece of cake" to "fuck me, how much laundry?"

TankGirl97 · 18/09/2019 12:49

I had our 3rd dc earlier this year.
Overall it’s brilliant. Older two (aged 6 and 4) adore the baby and fight to get her attention. We love being a family of five.
Negatives are....
I’m tired! Dc1 and 2 comment that I’m grumpy.
We had to get a new car and move to a bigger house.
We have less 1 on 1 time with each child (it’s noticeable and the children comment when we manage it).
Physical recovery post 3rd pregnancy and birth has been slower and I feel like prolapse etc is probably an inevitability for me later in life.
Massive cost of childcare when I return to work. (One in nursery and before/after school clubs plus holiday cover).
Dunno if that’s helpful op but it’s all my sleep deprived brain can come up with right now!

TankGirl97 · 18/09/2019 12:52

And yes, as a pp says, I now spend half my life doing laundry!

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 18/09/2019 12:55

I've just had a third child and it's pretty amazing!

RNBrie · 18/09/2019 12:55

I agree with the left out thing. My eldest is very different from the little two and she finds it hard to join in with their antics.

Having 3 feels like a big crank up in the madness. My third had doubled the amount of crazy we have to deal with. She's hilarious and bonkers and brilliant but she leaves chaos in her wake.

I find the logistics hard. Who has to be where and when. We need to rely on friends to help with getting them all to birthday parties and activities if they do everything they are invited to. Balancing out out time and money is also a challenge. It's harder to keep up with all the stuff at school they'd like us to go to as well.

i always wanted a big crazy family and that's what I've got! I wouldnt have it any other way (actually i would have liked a 4th but my age plus the money/time thing stopped us)

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 18/09/2019 12:55

Oh yes - SO MUCH LAUNDRY!

RNBrie · 18/09/2019 12:57

Oh yeah. And the prolapse. I have a minor one but that is a big factor in not having a 4th

Blackdog19 · 18/09/2019 12:58

Holidays set up for family of four, need bigger car to get 3 car seats across the back. Often 2 will join up and gang up on 3rd (not always same 2!)

Bodicea · 18/09/2019 13:01

Laundry laundry and yet more laundry.
As yours are at school it will be difficult to find things they all like doing at the weekend.
Getting about to all their activities will be harder.
Holidays get way more expensive once the youngest turns two.
You will get less babysitting offers. You will possibly get less invites to people’s homes.
Your body will take a real beating and it won’t be so hard to bounce back.
You might feel resentful of your baby free friends having more freedoms than you do. You will have to decline the girly holiday they are all going on.

Vintagegoth · 18/09/2019 13:02

New car if car seats won't fit.
Holidays and hotel rooms are often set up for 2 adults, 2 children
A bigger house?
One always being left out
Starting the whole baby phase again, but adding in the school run!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 18/09/2019 13:06

I have 5 now but always planned 3. Being outnumbered can be hard to get your head around. Playing car seat jenga can be tedious. 3 is when I started to get really firm with routines as well as it makes it all run a lot smoother.

I don’t think it’s as hard as 0-1 children though.

OneForTheRoadThen · 18/09/2019 13:09

You will go from giving each child 50% of your available time to 33%. That's a huge jump. I have toyed with the idea of a third but it's this that has held me back. I'm not sure it's fair to my existing children.

melissasummerfield · 18/09/2019 13:10

Ive got 3 under 6 ( aged 6, 5 and 2 ) and I found the transition to 3 much easier than going from 1 to 2 dc!

Downsides are you will need a bigger car , holidays abroad are difficult to find in terms of the accommodation is always for 4 people, and yes you will do approx 1 million loads of washing per year and never quite get it all put away

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 18/09/2019 13:11

Being outnumbered
Spreading yourself thinly
Being tired, sleepless nights and 3 is a killer
Holidays are hard work
Less time for yourself
Constant noise
Constant mess
However.....I absolutely adore them and number 3 has nearly broke me but she's an absolute gift.

applesandpears33 · 18/09/2019 13:17

Logistics. Weekends become a lot busier as all three want to be dropped off and picked up at different times. When there were just two DC we could split up and deal with one each, but a 3rd just makes the logistics much harder. Wouldn't be without DC3 though.

MadeForThis · 18/09/2019 13:20

I decided against it due to practical reasons. The same pot of money would be split amongst 3. Not so bad with baby toys and clothes but very important in teenage years with technology, clothes and trips.

New house, new car, holiday options.

Never getting a babysitter for more than a meal out. Would love a weekend away in next couple of years.

Major concerns over my age risk. Miscarriage or disability. Only heading towards 40 now but DH is mid 40's.

Finally seeing some freedom as youngest will be 2 soon.

In the end just go with your heart. It will never be the wrong decision. Most of my immediate friends have 2 or 3. They all love the family size they have.

MountPheasant · 18/09/2019 13:45

Depends on your age gap OP, my younger sister has always had a chip on her shoulder about being the youngest.

As a PP mentioned she’s left out a lot and constantly scrabbling to catch up. She makes a lot of bad decisions as a result and complains that she doesn’t fit in the family.

I’ve sworn I’ll stop at 2, with a small age gap, simply my from witnessing my sister grow up.

Themarvellousmrsm · 18/09/2019 15:46

Pretty much what all the other posters have said unplanned number 3 doesn't so much as 'slot in' as create a tidal wave 🤣

However, despite being more of a handful than the other 2 put together, I don't regret dc3 even for a nanosecond and in fact, am probably closer to them than the other 2 (obviously don't love them others any less)

Themarvellousmrsm · 18/09/2019 15:47

Oops, bad grammar in last sentence - definitely need an edit button

MarySibleysFamiliar · 18/09/2019 15:57

I have. 12 and 9 year old DDs and a 7 year old DS.

He has never been left out because his sisters absolutely adore him. I honestly cannot find a single drawback to having a third. It's been a dream. Now eldest is in high school, middle child and youngest are thick as thieves but still have their big sis to look out for them when needed.

I suppose room in the car for an extra passenger could be an issue (we regularly have to drive MIL somewhere) but we have a 7 seater.

Bedrooms perhaps? Getting a 3 bed is a lot cheaper and easier to come by than a 4 bed? Again, not an issue for us cos the kids love to share and will often be found sleeping in each other's beds, snuggled up.

MT2017 · 18/09/2019 17:37

Bigger car and more expensive holidays.

Nothing outweighs the delight of having them though

hazeyjane · 18/09/2019 17:53

Chaos
A lot more bickering (I really notice when there is only 2 at home...whatever the combination)
More noise
More piles of clothes than the floor of Primark on a Saturday afternoon.
School run, trips out etc are like organising a small army
Did I mention noise...
The house gets taken over by shoes
You have a vague sense of having forgotten to do something or forgetting someone all the time (that might just be me)
If you only have one bathroom/toilet develop bowels of steel and give up on ever having a bath without someone knocking on the door NEEDING A POO.

It's lovely though. Honest.

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