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Original poster

Drawbacks of having a third

39 replies

Twitney · 18/09/2019 12:38

Increasingly broody for number 3, just as things are getting easier... aware it's partly because eldest has started school, but also feel partly like I'm self sabotaging because life is starting to feel manageable and level again.

Really struggling to listen to my rational thoughts when my heart just wants another child in our family. Could anyone help me out with the reasons a third might be a bad idea, think I could use the reality check .

DH happy to have another if it's what I 'really want'. What I really want is to not want another, does that make sense?!

OP posts:

S0CKS · 18/09/2019 18:25

Family deals are so often 2 adults 2 children you won't get deals anymore

Raaaaaah · 18/09/2019 18:32

Oh the shoes!

Ours was another tidal wave 3rd. She is wonderful but such hard work and was from the moment she was born. I had lots of people telling me that she would just slot into the routine. She didn’t agree. I love having three but boy did the work load increase for us.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 18/09/2019 18:38

My body made a meal out of creating two, and by the time broodiness hit, I was approaching 3 & 5 and life was getting easier. Intellectually, I couldn't face going back to adding a baby/ toddler into the mix so I decided not to voluntarily add another into the chaos. It turns out one DS has some high functioning SNs, which put a bit more effort into our relationship and slightly delay his independence skills.

Ironically the big things like the house and car are fine.
Holidays wouldn't be the worst as we often camp/ use ferries. The occasional hotel would be more awkward.
Having activities and interests out of sync would be the biggest hinderence. A 2yr gap means their interests and activities overlap a lot.
Maybe if there was more time on my side, a wildcard big age gap may have been more appealing, but I'm now approaching 40 and DH 50, and our energy isn't as it was a decade ago.

I couldn't volunteer for a third now, but if one occured, we'd get on with it.

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Maryann1975 · 18/09/2019 18:42

Biggest thing that frustrates me about being a family of 5 is that we struggle for holidays. You can never get late deals and we rarely stay in hotels as they are all for less than 4 people. We stay in hostels when we go away as they are cheaper than 2 hotel rooms. (Obviously far less nice though, although there are nice ones out there).
We also ended up moving to a 4 bedroom house, because it was a nightmare trying to arrange bedrooms, either all 3 wanted to share or no one wanted to share, we used to have massive arguments about this! We were lucky that we could afford to do this though.
I’m also glad we have a 7 seater car so we can threaten to put one of them on the back row if they argue too much in the car.

Spanneroo · 18/09/2019 18:43

We tried for a third and got twins, OP.

They're not even here yet and causing all sorts of trouble (like how the feck you fit 4 car seats in a car and still have enough room for a double buggy -or even a single buggy- in the boot)

I'll be honest, if I'd known it was going to be twins, I'd have stopped at two. No idea how I'm going to get out of the house ever again!

ComeOnGordon · 18/09/2019 18:51

My third completed our family - that kid is a bundle of love and has brought so much joy with him. No one feels left out - they all get on so well.

BUT finding holiday accommodation was a nightmare. Someone often had to sleep on the couch pulled out. And life with 3 teenagers is expensive.

But my life is better with him in it 🥰

AnnaMariaDreams · 18/09/2019 18:54

Twins. Are you happy with no 4 along for the ride?

zafferana · 18/09/2019 18:56

I think if you both want a third then you (probably) won't regret it. Some people just want what they want and aren't happy until they've done it. But if you're genuinely looking for reasons, it's the odd number thing for me. Always an odd one out. Always an odd number of people when seating is in twos, like on trains, buses and on many theme park rides. I grew up in a family with an odd number of kids and it was always an issue being an odd number. I would never willingly create a family with an odd number!

Original poster

Twitney · 18/09/2019 20:16

Thanks so much for all the replies. Lots to think about. I have no idea how we will make a decision. I still mainly just wish I felt completely done. I also wonder if I want all those lovely golden moments of having a baby/ child and am not fully acknowledging the 99% of the time that it’s a lot of work and mundanity and stress (I’m quite a stress/ anxious sort). Thanks again!

OP posts:

MarySibleysFamiliar · 18/09/2019 22:56

I have to add another thing. With baby No.1 I was clueless. With No.2 I knew what I needed to do and it was easier.
No.3? I was a bloody expert by then and it was a walk in the park. So easy.

Like his big sisters, he is my whole life. It's so easy for us that I would love a fourth but DH says nope, he's 40 now and we're done.

Holiday cheap deals are a little harder to come by but we don't really holiday outside the UK and when we do it's an apartment anyway rather than hotels rooms.

I would have a whole football team of kids if I could but I guess being a mum is my vocation.

Ludways · 18/09/2019 23:04

Hotel rooms when they're teenagers! Can't get one room as we won't fit
Can't get two rooms as middle is a boy
Three rooms is so expensive.

windmill121 · 18/09/2019 23:10

Lack of time for each child

Clarks school shoe shopping ! 6 pairs of shoes downs and you will really wish you stuck at 2

Eating out when they refuse to eat from the children's menu so you are paying for 5 adult meals means McDonald's and weatherspoons are affordable options

Holidays, it's a nightmare looking for hotels and apartments for 5 people

BUT I would do it all again. It's worth it 100000%

I don't find it crazy or stressful, weekends are great I love spending time with my tribe

HappyParent2000 · 18/09/2019 23:25

Why do people have two?

ShadyMeLady · 18/09/2019 23:33

Three is utterly exhausting. But I didn’t realise I’d be left a single mum whereby my ex husband has opted out of parenting. So I’m literally going it alone.

But anyway, my 3rd is my saviour, even though it’s chaos. DC2 is autistic and I probably wouldn’t have had my 3rd if I’d have known at the time as she needs so much attention and takes all my time. DC3 is now 7 and it’s getting easier in the sense that he’s more independent now and understands more about his sisters behaviour. DC2 causes a lot of arguments and she is always fighting with one of them. It’s never calm and I feel jealous of those who say their kids adore each other and sleep together. My DC2 bites and tries to strangle hers so I can’t leave her alone.

My story is not normal though, I always thought that my ex husband was a “good dad” even though he was violent to me for years and severely abusive. Turns out he’s now punishing me for daring to leave him by not seeing the kids. Delightful.

That’s gone way off track, sorry.

I wouldn’t have it any other way, yes 3 is hard work, the washing is out of this world and everything is much more expensive. But if you can afford it and your family dynamic is better than mine (who’s isn’t!) then I say go for it. Good luck.

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