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Original poster

Toddler next door being left to cry

40 replies

ProhibitedRodent · 18/09/2019 00:45

She just leaves him to cry Sad He's been sobbing his little heart out for 2 hours now (and I can't sleep but I'm more concerned about him).

My parents did this and I can actually still remember it. All those hours laying there crying, thinking I'd been abandoned (I have quite a few memories of being a baby/toddler, strangely).
That was the 80s though and was, sadly, the advice back then. Thankfully this has now changed although clearly is being ignored by this mother.

It's breaking my heart hearing him sobbing like this. I just want to go do something but obviously I can't 😢

What would you do?

OP posts:
user764329056 · 18/09/2019 00:55

Oh no OP, I feel for you and for that poor little one, reading your post has me feeling sick, I don’t know how anyone can ignore a crying child, can’t bear to think of how upset he must be

Original poster
ProhibitedRodent · 18/09/2019 00:59

Sorry to have upset you. I can hear movement now so she must up & about. Which makes it worse.
I can't do anything can I? Like report to SS (not that one incident of this would necessarily warrant a report....or would it?). She'll know it's us. Semi-detached house Confused

OP posts:
Camomila · 18/09/2019 07:33

Poor little thing. Does it happen a lot?

DS probably has had nights where he's cried for aages but he was being walked about in someones arms at the time! (big molars etc)

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formerbabe · 18/09/2019 07:42

Bit of an over reaction.

youaremysunshine · 18/09/2019 07:48

Maybe she has to let him cry to break the habbit of being awake all night, i would think its breaking her heart more than yours tbh, we've all been there. Why dont you ask her is shes/ he are ok next time you seen them instead if coming on mumsnet to judge.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 18/09/2019 07:54

Talk to the neighbours?! Tell them you can't sleep, ask about the child, ask about them...
If you can hear sounds, the parents are probably up and triying to cope.
You do know some children just scream and cry for hours without a discernible reason. My DF's daughter regularily managed up to 6 h of uninterrupted screaming - all were sleep deprived, but the child was healthy and well cared for.
My DS made heartbreaking noises all night when he was small, there was no stopping him and he was well cared for, too. He later got a diagnosed with a developmental problem.

Again talk to them, offer help, ...

RedCrab · 18/09/2019 08:03

It’s really hard to say if he’s just being left to cry on his own, or if his parents are trying and nothing is working.

I was trying to night wean my two year old and she would just scream and scream “mummy pleeeeeaaaaasssseeeee!” And it must have sounded awful to other people. But I was right next to her the whole time trying to comfort her but not give in to what she wanted. My lovely elderly downstairs neighbour mentioned hearing her in the night and I reassured her DD was not being neglected, but that I was trying to night wean her but acknowledged how awful it sounded!

Other nights she just wakes and cries and cries, and any attempt to cuddle/ rock/ comfort her just makes her angrier so I just have to lie next to her and wait until she’s ready for comfort. It must definitely sound like I’m not doing anything.

Hopefully hearing PP say similar brings some comfort that perhaps he’s not being neglected, which is such an awful thought.

Basil90 · 18/09/2019 08:04

If it happens again report to social services

lifeinthedeep · 18/09/2019 08:10

It would be ridiculous to call social services. What would you say? You heard a child cry one night, they’ll ask if you’ve heard much crying before and you’ll say no. They’ll say thanks for wasting our time.

youaremysunshine · 18/09/2019 09:29

Seriously....social services! Whats wrong with ppl! If it was happening everynight for months on end and you had proof the parents were neglecting the child, fair enough. To ring after 2 hrs of crying one night is pretty pathetic.

spottygymbag · 18/09/2019 09:30

Like @RedCrab our DD recently went through a phase where she wouldn't let us comfort her. DH and I would take turns being with her but all we could do was talk gently to her as she wouldn't let us hold or comfort her. It was heartbreaking and distressing for all involved and went for a couple of hours. She is healthy, loved and very much not neglected but we were wondering if our neighbours would report us!

SweetAsSpice · 18/09/2019 09:32

SS won’t give a fuck that a child has been left to cry for one night. Wobble your heads.

RatherBeRiding · 18/09/2019 09:36

Seriously - what do you think SS would do? Like all social care sectors they are understaffed, under-resourced and over-stretched.

As others have said, you have absolutely NO idea if he is 'being left to cry' or if his mum is doing her best but he is teething, unwell, or just one of those children who cry despite all the parent's best efforts to comfort them.

octoberismytime · 18/09/2019 09:39

God, don’t report it. It’s none of your business and it’s only happened once. You and @user764329056 are being very precious!!

Chillisauceboss · 18/09/2019 09:39

Last night despite cuddles, breastfeeding, calpol, bed sharing, books and even the offer of toys in the middle of the night my baby cried for hours.

For those who would call social services after one or even up to three nights of this what an absolutely ridiculously idea!!!

Kokeshi123 · 18/09/2019 09:41

So, he is being left to cry in relation to some form of sleep training, not because his family are leaving him alone in the house? You are completely overreacting.

And no, you don't remember being a baby/toddler.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 18/09/2019 09:41

DD1 teethed really painfully and would cry for up to 45 minutes at a time. After Calpol. If you had been standing outside, you would just have heard crying. You wouldn't have seen DH walking around with her on his shoulder sometimes for an hour at a time, softly singing lullabies on loop.

She is now 4.5 years but recently had a major overtired tantrum at bedtime. I tried being firm, carrying her to her bed, comforting her, anything to get her to sleep. She stood up against her window and howled like a banshee 'I'm NOT TIRED, IT'S NOT MY BEDTIME, I DON'T NEED A BIG SLEEP BEFORE SCHOOL' etc etc.

I closed her door and left her to it as any interaction just aggravated her more. After a bit, when she had exhausted herself, I went back in for a cuddle with some hot milk and an old favourite toy to distract.

You have no idea what the parents are doing to help, no idea if they are tearing their hair out trying to comfort him, no clue. I cannot believe anyone's first response is to ring SS. Why would you not speak to them? Or maybe just give them credit for being loving parents like 99% of us are, and assume they are trying to soothe him? Just why?

notso · 18/09/2019 09:42

Two of mine had night terrors and would scream and scream often shrieking "muuuummmmmyyy" over and over again.
It didn't matter what we did they weren't really awake, touching them in anyway made it 100 times worse.
I could tell by the cry if it was a night terror or if they were awake and upset and often as it was so distressing and made me feel helpless to see them so upset night after night I would take my time in actually getting out of bed to go to them.

StormcloakNord · 18/09/2019 09:55

How do you know the toddler is being left alone?
She could be holding the toddlers hand or sitting beside the cot/bed all the while he/she is screaming away.

Toddlers do that sometimes... get an actual grip and dont call SS Confused

Crustytoenail · 18/09/2019 10:04

Speak to your neighbours. There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation - night terrors, teething, earache, childhood illness..... The list goes on.
My DD had terrible ENT issues until she had her tonsils and adenoids out young. She (and I) would cry all night when she got a cold. There was nothing I could do to help her more than I was, and waiting for the op was the main thing that would stop it all. And it did.
My neighbours were grown ups and spoke to me after a horrendous fortnight where one cold rolled into another. They asked if all was ok. I told them about the ENT and the planned op, and they saw her, clinging to me, face covered in snot, red cheeked, whiney and clearly unwell. And then after the op, it stopped, at that level anyway. If they'd reported me to ss without speaking to me first I think that'd have tipped me over the edge tbh. I was already teetering on it precariously.
And yes, sometimes I used to put her in her bedroom so I could wash, eat or do housework when she was like that because I had to. I worked ft, and so when I was off, she was with me. It may have been harsh to leave her a while to cry, but the alternative was an unwashed and likely unemployed mother, living in a pig sty with no food to eat.
Sometimes it's not all moonlight and roses with children!
Speak to your neighbours, unless you have other evidence that he's harmed or neglected then just speak to them.
Children cry, even when there's nothing wrong with them, it's like a hobby to some!

Coconutbug · 18/09/2019 10:15

Definitely do not report to social services that seems a bit extreme!!! You have no idea if toddler is being left to cry (this is just your assumption) or if they are trying to do something to comfort them.
My DD sometimes has period where she cries and won't be comforted despite me physically holding her - various reason nightmares, in pain, ill etc.
I'd be mortified if I got reported to social services for this. You need to expect that children cry...

Usernamealreadyexists · 18/09/2019 11:03

SS is a total over-reaction! Toddlers cry - yes, even for two hours. Perhaps the mother/parents are struggling? Talk to her.

Bouffalant · 18/09/2019 11:10

Maybe they're sleep training.

Original poster
ProhibitedRodent · 19/09/2019 00:05

This is not just one night. It's been every single night for 8 months....

OP posts:
Original poster
ProhibitedRodent · 19/09/2019 00:06

@octoberismytime Please see my above response

OP posts:
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