If you are a SAHM, how much does your DH do around the house?

[CarenzaLewis2]

Or are you expected to do it all?

Also to add we have had a cleaner the last year so I haven't had to do much vacuuming, mopping, ironing etc. We're moving now and won't get a new cleaner, but DD will go to nursery a few afternoons a week so I can do it all then.

We are very lucky as have cleaners, gardeners, outsource ironing etc. Because of that he doesn’t do much at all beyond the odd bin. And there is still plenty to do even with help. It still needs to be managed and life and household and child and car and elderly parent admin is time consuming.

Almost nothing. Complete division of labour. He works outside I work inside.

How much housework dp does/has done has varied over the years depending on the kids. When we had a 19 month old and a new born he did most of it, 2 under 2 he did a fair bit, as they grew he did less. Last year our eldest wwas in school and youngest was in pre school 2 days a week so I did it all, he might do the odd bit of washing up but I did the vast majority. Now both kids are at school and I'm starting work soon he will have to do considerably more. He has always done childcare when he's at home though.

He does the ironing, (although I did say I would start doing this - apart from his work shirts!), sometimes empties the dishwasher, will cook on weekends, will put toys away in the evening if I haven't done it yet, if he's home in time he helps put kids to bed, then he does all the DIY, cat litter tray and will run errands on lunchbreak/weekend if needed, does bins if he remembers, thankfully our neighbours are great so they do it if he forgets (they also cut our grass!) As the kids get older I will probs take over more, got 3 children, 9,7&4. 4 year old has sen and is quite hard work, but goes to nursery 3 days a week. 9 year old is a challenge as well!

Quite a lot. At least 50% of the childcare when he’s not at work (because he enjoys spending time with his own children), 90% of the cooking when he’s there (obviously I cook the meals he’s at work for), does an hour or two of cleaning on a Saturday morning while I’m taking the DC to their swimming lessons (I do the day to day cleaning in the week but obviously there’s always something else that needs doing like a deep clean of the bathrooms etc), he’ll put a wash on if he sees it needs doing etc.
I do more as I’m home more (obviously), but when he’s at home it’s 50:50. We would never have a situation where he’s sat on his arse while I’m running round doing chores (or vice verse). We work together to get stuff done so we have equal leisure time.

Bins
Unloads dishwasher
Lawn and hedges
Bills

We have a cleaner though so she really helps lighten the load and use an ironing app

Ours are more or less grown now but when they were little it varied depending on his work commitments. He had several jobs including a government/civil service role plus was studying for a master’s to allow career progression. Inevitably, as he was away a bit, more childcare fell to me.
He did most of ironing, an equal amount of laundry, no cooking (still doesn’t) but also put bins out, cleaned windows, cleared gutters and household mending, took children to activities at the weekends, mended bicycles and cleaned the cars. He emptied and loaded dishwasher, when home.
We had a housekeeper/ mothers help who helped enormously though.

He hates my cooking so will only have takeaway*

So you cook a family meal and he orders his own take away or the whole family lives in take aways 7 nights a week?

I'd conveniently start not having time to do his washing for work...

I look after DS in the day, so will wash up, put washing on etc. Once DH is home I cook and he has DS. He does bed and I tidy. Anything not tidied by the time he comes down we do together. Last night I didn't feel up to washing up and would have left it til tomorrow but DH did it. He does bins. I do "cleaning" so bathroom etc. Weekends we tend to just do it between us but he lrobsy does more childcare

On days that he works the most be will do is bin/recyling, put child to bed. After dinner he will rinse off plates ready to be washed and occ wash pans.
On days hes off he often keeps child occupied while I do housework (which is fine cus I like cleabing)
He will do something if I ask and depending on meal plans he will try and help to cook/prep. But tbh our house is quite clean/tidy and I have a schedule I often stick to so there's not really much to do and it doesn't take that long anyway..

Takeaway every night is such a waste of money

You’d be better off putting that towards a cleaner so you don’t feel so fed up with doing too much

If one person is 100% responsible for financing everything the other should be 100% responsible for the house
I don't work to take care of our child, not to be take care of the house. And if I was 100% responsible for DS he'd be a crap Dad.
I do do 99% of medical appts, all school appts, school run and emergency collections. I do all the homework and school trips but obviously DH looks after DS too when he's home.

DH is DCs primary carer - he does work, but a limited number of hours to suit school runs etc. We used to have a cleaner for the heavy work. Now kids are are school, he does it. But to give you context as the working parent what I do:

Most cooking and big shopping (although this is a small bone of contention as DH just doesn't cook and I mostly accept that and he's can and will throw together basic stuff when needed but...He does handle 90% of the day to day shopping now though eg buying fresh bread, milk, fruit etc).
The odd bit of laundry, particularly on weekends but usually no more than one load a week.
Most weekends I will do one thing of cleaning - eg the kitchen, bathroom etc, usually while listening to a pod cast or while otherwise generally pottering.
School uniform and clothes shopping and maintenance (eg fixing/alterations etc)
Plus of course my fair share of bed and bath time, daily tidying/cleaning up after dinner etc.

I also do most of the "thinking" work.

Working parents with SAH partners who do nothing make my blood boil.

I point blank refuse to do things like washing in the evenings - I think there's plenty of time during the day to put a load on and I'm not interested in hanging up washing at 9pm. Ditto, I'm not going to run the hoover around unless there's been spillage. But that doesn't mean I abdicate all domestic responsibilities.

He doesn't do much in the week as he is either away or out early back late but he usually cooks a Sunday roast and helps do a big clean on the weekends. He will take the kids to activities or pick them up if he is here in the week and does on the weekends. I don't let him do washing as I have my own system but he does do his own Ironing and anything else I ask him. I feel we are equal contributors if that makes sense.

DH works full time and I'm a sahm with school age kids. He likes doing housework and I don't so whilst I'm happy to leave the laundry basket to fill up then blitz it in one day, he prefers to keep on top of it. I'm naturally messy but DH has (obviously) met my mother so no matter how messy I am he will never complain because I'm not even a tiny bit as bad as my mum. She makes me look amazing .
I do housework but DH likes it more than me.

I do every single bit of cooking though because DH doesn't like to try. It's fine because I love it. I also do the deep cleans when someone's due to visit.
I could never be in a relationship with someone who thinks someone should run around doing everything, cleaning up after another adult.

BlingLoving I'm more confused by the SAHM whose WOHP does all the cleaning tbh

I work part time and dh works very long hours. I pretty much do everything. But what’s important to me is dh’s attitude.
There are never any expectations that I need to do everything, he does stuff too and I do feel we’re on the ‘same team’ if that makes sense.

@Ambidexte of course forgot phrasing the original question! I was imagining you reclined on a chaise lounge with servants catering to every whim!

notso Noooo.... but now I do have a new life goal!

(teens) washing up, bit of tidying on weekends, bins out, makes/gets tea pretty often.

he keeps the family calendar and does a lot of the medical appointment schlepping and chasing and spends more talking time with the kids than i do.

very much a team effort as above.

We split our leisure time as equally as we can, so if there’s still house stuff to be done in the evenings we both pitch in until it’s done.

Most of the time I have it in hand, but sometimes things pile up when there’s a bad run of appointments/ afterschool stuff/ pmt/ illness etc and then he steps up more. Equally he has times where he needs to work away, work late or might need me to do some work related errands. It’s just about keeping the family afloat at the end of the day.

If one person is 100% responsible for financing everything the other should be 100% responsible for the house

Why?
When DH is at work, I do 100% of the housework and childcare. When he’s not at work, we split housework and childcare 50:50. We have equal leisure time. How is that not fair?

@SleepingStandingUp I'm not sure I understand? Do you think I do all the cleaning? I do most of the thinking (slowly changing as i lose my temper about it) but my point is that I don't do it all and I definitely don't do the bulk of the cleaning etc. I certainly do not expect Dh to be my slave running around doing everything. he does the bulk of the main cleaning but I'm still there actively tidying and doing chores etc when we're both home. Because that's how it should be.

My DH is more than happy to muck in, but I get the bulk of it done during the week when he's working. I don't want us to be cleaning at weekends or evenings.

@BlingLoving sorry no, earlier post where someone said they were the sahp but partner did all the housework