9 year old girls

[thaegumathteth]

The friendship dramas - is this usual? Ds never did any of this so unsure if its gender related or I was just lucky with him....

Any top tips to help them?

Any top tips to survive without turning to drink?

yes

I have no useful advice but will watch avidly. I have an almost 8 year old and am ASTONISHED at the friendships drama. I hope some wise mumsnetter will come to the rescue

It's hard and my dd1 is now 16 and still has friendship issues but my dd2 is 14 and never has any or she deals with it herself so I do think it's down to each person.
I could write a book on dd1 falling out with people.

The drama issues may be long and painful. Basically a real life soap opera everyday. It lessens by age 16. Very usual. Listen, but do not take it seriously unless you really really need to as it shifts from day to day. It reaches a peak about age 13/14. Keep a stock of wine.

I have an 8 year old (year 4) we've not had any friendship drama yet! I do have 2 more daughters so any less drama is great haha. I do remember it all kicking off around year 5 for me as a child and not stopping until I left school, arghh. Dreading it. Hope it all settles down for you. Sorry, I realised no helpful advice.

Argh this isn't great reading!

I don't remember being like this but I am unbelievably sick of 'X said Y' 'Y doesn't like Z anymore' 'A wouldn't play with me' 'B said Z said X said'

Oh I must be getting off lightly. No drama with my 9 year old yet.

Not sure whether you mean Year 9 girls? I have one of those and am treated to a running daily commentary on the whole flaming year group! Tears at sleepovers and best friends turning against each other from lesson to lesson. Constant analysis of it all on Snapchat/What's App. Until they block each other....then it really starts to escalate.

Enjoy the relative peace of the primary years OP, but beware the parents (without enough to do), who throw themselves into the drama!

Depends on the friendship group. Dd1 had pleasant friendly normal girls. No issues. Remember thinking all the talk of drama a myth. Then dd2 hit this age - she is even tempered easy going girl but some of her “friends” are hideous. Their idea of fun is psychological war fare on each other. Read cats eye by Margaret Atwood she nails this age group.

Yes like a PP said, I remember all the fallings out and rowing over who was whose best friend etc starting in about Year 5 and not ending til Year 11 really.

It's worse in senior school though as my worst year was I think in Year 11 because girls didn't actively argue at that stage, they were far more cruel and just cut you off / froze you out often without a decent explanation

Oh yes. Year 5 and 6 were horrendous for this with dd1, and dd2 has just started year 5 and the dramas have begun already

There's very little to be done (although obviously speak to school if there's any bullying going on) other than dry tears and drink gin.

Not sure whether you mean Year 9 girls?

The title actually says ‘9 year old girls’ ....

Dd is 8 and in year 4 and she had told me that some of the friendship groups or even best friend pairs have changed since starting year 4.

She has a best friend who she has had since reception and they’re super close but other “best friends” in the class have changed. The boys don’t seem affected.

They’re currently discussing who is sharing bunks for their residential in February! I’ve no doubt it will change many times over.

Something must shift around 8/9 I think for these friendship issues to arise all of a sudden.

My ds is 16 and I’ve never had any friendship issues with him at all.

It can be usual. Depends on the social hierarchy within the friendship group- which is kind of gender related, but it's learned social behaviour rather than innate.

My eldest had "that" girl in her class. The one who would gain power and status by including or excluding other girls. Creating "clubs" for break time etc.

I pointed out to DD that people were either your friend or they weren't. Deciding day to day whether someone was worthy of playing with you wasn't friendship. I also told her to watch out for power plays like inviting one friend into a group but excluding another and said it was a form of bullying, and if she felt able she should stick up for the excluded girls.

So dd kept out of the drama by keeping out of that girls circle. I did find some mums do get quite involved and like to have their kids in the "popular" crowd. That is probably where the children get it from.

Dd2's class didn't have "that girl" and they all rubbed along fine.

If you can get hold of this book 'Queen Bees and Wannabees' all your questions will be answered!

I dont have a daughter but I work at a centre where kids come for their residential activity breaks. I see and hear the dramas daily. From 9 year old to late teens... The boys are much less dramatic.

My DD is in year 7 now, and for her the worst year so far has been year 2 (age 6/7).

Yep it's hard going! I tend to just listen and nod....usually by the end of the following day at school they've moved on to the next issue. Mind you, some issues seem to rumble on in the background for weeks 😭

DD is 8 and it's absolutely dreadful.
Previous bestie is now the nemesis. DD has no friends (she says) Quite likely they'll be speaking tomorrow and asking for a sleepover at the weekend.Sure quite they'll be plotting to make some other poor girls life hell tomorrow. Can't keep up. It's horrible.
DS 9- minor problems as him and his friends are a trio and things like picking a partner at school are quite difficult when you have two mates- but nothing at all on the scale of DD.

Ah yes.. Relational bullying power plays. I despair at some of the parenting of these girls. The snotty/snide language they use at home goes unchecked (god knows why, maybe their mums think it acceptable/normal?) and then creeps into school. Middle class mums whose new 'career' is their kids.... Becoming overly invested and involved in their daughters friendships/popularity/dance recital/grades etc. Lack of basic kindness, respectful language and far too much meanness and one upmanship. Some of the crap these kids come out with. We are setting up some really unfortunate gender stereotypes and later issues by failing to educate our kids around appropriate social skills and boundaries. However, I fear its the new normal op

Eurgh.
Yes. My eldest girl has just started year 5. Her class seems to have a couple of mean girls, and a couple who go along with it. And looking at the Mums, I am not so surprised.
I remember girls like that all through school. Trying to teach my girl to be resilient, but it's tough.

Girls of this age are just the worst!.Remember terrible upsets /bitterness between friends of DD!. DS and chums would settle things down with a bit of a fight ,or words but would soon settle down! Stay strong for your DD and remember you are not the only one!

Girls of this age are just the worst!

No, they aren’t. Some girls engage in this bullying and powerplay -@hettie puts it better than me- dressed up as friendship.

Unfortunately because girls are socialised to want to appear “popular”, other girls are dragged into the drama for fear of being excluded, or ending up friendless. Parents even subconsciously (or not) encourage the drama as they don’t want their child to have no friends, so suggest ways of engaging, when the child should be disengaging and finding healthier friendships.

Educate your child that this powerplay is bullying, not friendship. Tell them the drama is not friendship and it’s OK to go off and read a book, or find others who aren’t engaging, even (especially) if they aren’t in the “in” crowd.

Thanks all

I'm doing all the stuff like explaining what real friendship is etc etc. It's tricky because dd has good friends but they're in a different class now so she doesn't see them as much. The girls she's supposedly friends with in her own class are definitely trying to be 'cool' but they can be kind and generous when they want to be so I don't want to say they're awful people because they've made bad choices!

Added drama is it's dd's party soon and they're all invited for a day out. I am going to put in ear plugs and an IV of gin!

following. I have a 9 year old boy so interested to hear about it from teh other side.