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Original poster

Latch Key Kids

79 replies

user1483778494 · 12/09/2019 21:58

Hi,
DD has started secondary school and will be 12 in a few weeks. DD walks home on her own and has her own key and lets herself in. She is home alone from about 3.30 until 5.30. Does anyone else do this? As to be honest I feel judged and have been made to feel guilty about this. I work from 9.00 til 5.00. My daughter is happy with this and has been longing to walk home since year 5 in primary. I work two minutes down the road in car and so does my husband. Today I have felt that I have been questioned about what I do. Someone broached the subject of the law e.g what is the legal age. I did not raise this conversation by the way it was my colleagues. I explained the NSPCC guidelines to my colleague but I just feel judged/questioned and I have not even brought this conversation up. I also happened to mention that my child has an inset day from school coming up and another colleague jumped in and said are you going to leave her all day. In my mind I was thinking what! But said no my husband is off work that day, which he is and I would not leave my DD all day on her own and I never have.

DH and myself decided now would be the right time to encourage independence.

Anyway what do you think? Do you feel judged over your parenting decisions. Does anyone let their child walk home and be home alone for an hour or so?

OP posts:
ShivD · 13/09/2019 08:58

I would do the same too, my eldest has just started Y7, he’ll do the same every Friday.

icannotremember · 13/09/2019 09:03

Ds2 has had his own keys and been going to and from school independently since the beginning of year 5. Not an issue. He has a phone and a series of "if you have a problem contact this person/ go to this person's house" options. Ds1 is less reliable and trustworthy but even he managed the same during year 6 and his school was a bus ride away then.

I was going to and from school alone from year 5, often being responsible for my 3 years younger brother. My parents worked. I work. My DH works. What on earth is the problem? You hear so much whining about how kids today aren't independent enough and are molly coddled and screen obsessed, and the moment you let them have some independence and responsibility people start moaning about that.

LeysaV · 13/09/2019 09:17

I had a key from age 9 but that was more about the fact I played out with friends and such was our set up there was a door downstairs that I had the key for . Walked from school alone from 11 and Mum and Dad were working so for some hours I was alone . I was absolutely fine OP.

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Families
StealthPolarBear · 13/09/2019 09:22

They don't have children. It's quite hard to judge this stuff when you don't or have much younger dc. I remember asking my mum at about seven or eight when I would be allowed to walk to the shop in our little village on my own. She said fifteen! Of course she had no clue and I was allowed presumably from ten or eleven - by fifteen I was getting the bus into town for a wander round the shops!
I have a twelve year old and a ten year old. I'd happily leave the twelve year old for a couple of hours. Both together for up to an hour.

m0therofdragons · 13/09/2019 09:32

Yes, dd is yr 7 and loving having a bit of time in the house alone. With younger siblings I think it's quite suffocating to be with people all the time so it gives her breathing space. Dh and I are close although at work and she texts to let me know she's home. Some days she's alone until 5.30 and others dh is working from home.

I started leaving her for 45 minutes last term one day a week and I got a comment from a parent in dd3's class that she wouldn't leave an 11yo as they're so young. Her eldest was 7 so I just smiled and said "they suddenly change in year 6 but it's hard to imagine until you see it yourself." She'd seen me send dd1 to the shop for milk - one road to cross with traffic light crossing less than 5minutes away. Some parents don't seem to want to encourage dc to develop independence.

Noqont · 13/09/2019 09:40

It's fine to do that.

Yabbers · 13/09/2019 09:44

I can’t help thinking if this was really a problem, really unacceptable, there would be far more options for after school care for teenagers.

There are ASC in pretty much every primary school in the area here, but absolutely nothing for kids at high school.

I can’t imagine parents suddenly being at home for high school kids and not needing ASC any more, which would suggest a whole heap of people are doing the same as you.

I don’t know what we will do when DD is at high school. Her disability complicates it a little, but were it not for that she would be letting herself in til OH comes home around 4.30

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 13/09/2019 10:00

Dd11 and Im a stay at home mother I also have dd5 and dd2 I also let dd11 stay home sometimes when taking younger two to the local park or local shop ( both in street below) or popping round familie members homes for a hour or so (all local) and she dosent want to come sometimes she has homework to do or just playing on her game console etc, we've done the talk and set some rules and she's loves the independence,
when taking dd5 to her activities or a club i let her stay at home then too but I ask a family memeber who lives close if there's a problem will she be home and tell dd11 if there's a problem let ...... know and she's happy with this too,
Don't worry about what others are thinking aslong as dd is happy with arrangement and your happy who cares

reluctantbrit · 13/09/2019 10:11

@Yabbers I agree. saying that onenew secondary school nearby is currently trying out a “full day school day”, school is open from 7.30am for breakfast until 5.30pm.

The idea is to give students a chance to not be alone at home, have the possibility to do homework, access computers, be in the library, have quite study rooms with cubicles, do clubs and sport and a “common room” to hang out with friends without the need to go to
Costa. They have a small canteen with drinks and snacks until 4.30pm.

So far parents love it. I think it attracts definitely parents where the home situation means an older child doesn’t have the quite/time and room to study or where they worry about the area and being in bad company.

TheresWaldo · 13/09/2019 10:12

Mine has done this since start of Year 7, and also has to spend whole days at home by herself now in between holiday clubs etc. She's fine and I am starting to relax the cooking rules now she is a bit older.

nonmerci · 13/09/2019 10:14

I think lots of parents do this. Many childminders won’t take secondary school kids so unless you have a helpful relative or friend, what else can do you?

I was a latch key kid, it’s no big deal.

Yabbers · 13/09/2019 10:14

@reluctantbrit

That is a good idea.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/09/2019 10:15

I think it's fine OP. I wouldn't start judging them in retaliation though and I notice that from your 'cotton wool' post. The only way to stop the needless judging is to ignore it or challenge it - and then not indulge in it yourself.

You know your children and it's nobody else's business. Don't make it theirs by discussing it with them.

DariaMorgendorffer · 13/09/2019 10:20

I've had to do this since dd was 12, and I'm often home much later than 5.30pm. I have to work, I have no choice. She is, for the most part, happy with the arrangement, and is independent and sensible.

Chandler913 · 13/09/2019 10:38

My ds has come home from school on his own from year 7. If child is responsible enough there should be no concerns. I do keep seeing alit of people on here though saying you can't get childcare for 12 year old. My ex childminder loved having my son as over 12s didn't count towards her limit of children she was allowed.. I've not really seen any childminders refuse them at 12

MondeoFan · 13/09/2019 10:42

My DD did this from year 9, she was 12 and almost 13. I felt she was old enough. I used to get home at 5:15 or 6:15 so some days she was 1.5 hours alone or 2.5 hours alone depending.

57Varieties · 13/09/2019 10:44

Who is making you feel judged and guilty? Loads of people do this, including me.

HappyParent2000 · 13/09/2019 12:15

What is a “latch key”?

clary · 13/09/2019 12:21

OMG yes. A lot younger than your Dd op. Mine walked home on their own from year five. Admittedly I was home by about 4-4.30 but it's fine. Inset day at home is OK too. Don't listen to the judgers.

Mamabear144 · 13/09/2019 14:44

From experience with myself being left alone at that age (I'm 21 so it wasn't too long ago) my mam had rules set like have a snack, empty dishwasher and do homework so I was kept busy, I never had anyone in the house, always went straight home from school did what chore was left for me and my homework so I could do it while the house was quiet, if I was ever stuck I'd leave that bit until she got home, I turned out fine and never burned the house down or got into trouble. Once you and DD have a good relationship and can trust each other then I don't see any problem.

notacooldad · 13/09/2019 14:49

Yes I was a bit miffed. I also thought why are they so concerned and what business is it of their’s? They don’t know my child and have never met her.
I long ago learned to watch what I say to certain people about my kids ( when they were young) and keep things vague!!

Dowser · 13/09/2019 15:15

It’s fine as long as she’s happy
If she’s not happy
It’s not fine

Veterinari · 13/09/2019 15:26

It’s fine. I think you need to get a bit scornful with your colleagues, their ‘concern’ Is ridiculous and your childcare is none of their business:
She's 12 - what in earth do they think will happen in 2 hours?
Have they actually met any 12 year olds?
Do they really know 12 year olds who can’t manage alone for 2 hours? Shame...

GreenwoodLane · 13/09/2019 15:58

Op, I think you’re going to have to point out to them that in secondary school there is no after school provision / holiday clubs. I’d love to see the look on their faces when trey find out.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 13/09/2019 16:23

I totally agree with Yabbers. Our school has a couple of after school sports clubs, not every afternoon and a homework club for one hour.

Last day of term they close at 1.00 and the first day in September they open for the main school at 11.00. Either the school believes that all parents work school hours and can change them at the drop of a hat (which I doubt they are generally sensible) or it's accepted that at secondary age most children are independent and capable of sorting themselves out.