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Original poster

Latch Key Kids

79 replies

user1483778494 · 12/09/2019 21:58

Hi,
DD has started secondary school and will be 12 in a few weeks. DD walks home on her own and has her own key and lets herself in. She is home alone from about 3.30 until 5.30. Does anyone else do this? As to be honest I feel judged and have been made to feel guilty about this. I work from 9.00 til 5.00. My daughter is happy with this and has been longing to walk home since year 5 in primary. I work two minutes down the road in car and so does my husband. Today I have felt that I have been questioned about what I do. Someone broached the subject of the law e.g what is the legal age. I did not raise this conversation by the way it was my colleagues. I explained the NSPCC guidelines to my colleague but I just feel judged/questioned and I have not even brought this conversation up. I also happened to mention that my child has an inset day from school coming up and another colleague jumped in and said are you going to leave her all day. In my mind I was thinking what! But said no my husband is off work that day, which he is and I would not leave my DD all day on her own and I never have.

DH and myself decided now would be the right time to encourage independence.

Anyway what do you think? Do you feel judged over your parenting decisions. Does anyone let their child walk home and be home alone for an hour or so?

OP posts:
BigRedBoat · 13/09/2019 06:30

I used to do this when I was her age, it was my job to hoover and build a fire in the wood burner before my parents got home (I am 32, although it sounds quite Victorian!), I don't think children have changed that much in 20 years have they? Assuming she is fairly sensible I don't see a problem.

sunsalutations · 13/09/2019 06:35

My two are 11 and 13 and both have their own keys. My SAHM neighbour also has a key for our house and they can ask her if they forget. They don't seem to mind one bit. I get home about 5.30pm. Sometimes they have after school clubs so it's not really much time on their own at all

AJPTaylor · 13/09/2019 06:56

Dd dud this from start of Year 6. Got herself up and to school ( I left at 7.30). Walked home and I was in at 5.30. One day a week took herself to dancing.
I jacked my job in over the summer though because it became apparent that my 8.30 to 4.30 just wasn't cutting it with new boss (although those were the hours agreed). Leaving at 5.00 or 5.30 meant I wouldn't be home until 6.30/7.00. Just not suitable at all.

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Families
AJPTaylor · 13/09/2019 06:57

I would recommend a key safe though for peace of mind .

doublesheesh · 13/09/2019 07:08

People who think they have the right to scrutinise your life ..... glas houses. Sheesh. These people are not worth the time of day. 2 hours alone doesn't a delinquant make. You are doing brilliantly bringing up an independent and resilant child. Something that many people have quashed in their dc. Well done. Keep doing what you are doing.

MsTSwift · 13/09/2019 07:10

I think it’s absolutely fine from a safety perspective but it’s not ideal. But if you have to work you have to work.

Are there not after school clubs she could join? Mine does sports 2 days so back 5ish

Grandmi · 13/09/2019 07:11

My youngest was in yr 6 and would spend an hour or so on his own every Tuesday and Friday until his older siblings got home from secondary school. He was fine and enjoyed the peace and quiet watchingTV and playing on Xbox!! Ignore busy bodies!!

Itstheprinciple · 13/09/2019 07:16

I think this is fairly standard, especially once in Secondary school. I've left my DD alone when she's been off sick - not actively still being sick but recovering. My mum popped in to check on her in the middle of the day and she kept in regular text contact with me. Besides that she stayed tucked up on the sofa in front of Netflix.

hettie · 13/09/2019 07:20

Wrap around childcare generally stops at primary. I'm guessing your clueless busybody colleagues don't have school age kids so don't know this. It's simply impractical for most people to be able to change work hours/change jobs just to reassure other adults from outside the family. It's not illegal nor inappropriate and (as this thread has shown) it's fairly common. I workk part time and DH can flex. On the days we have to be out until 5..30 dc1 goes to homework club until 4 on one day and the other comes back at 3.30. He has keys, can make a snack, will call and text if needed..... He's 12 not 7Hmm

MamaFlintstone · 13/09/2019 07:22

This seems standard among my colleagues with secondary age children, including Y7s. They all phone them at about 4pm to talk about their day. Was also perfectly normal in the 90s when I was a latch key child.

MrsCollinssettled · 13/09/2019 07:27

Don't know any year 7s who have an adult at home waiting for them.

QueenofLouisiana · 13/09/2019 07:32

Round here all the kids get buses into secondary school and walk home from the bus stop. Probably the majority let themselves in as parents are working. DS enjoys the opportunity to eat me out of house and home and generally starts his homework (almost certainly when he hears my car pull up).
As long as they know what to do in an emergency and house rules regarding opening the door and answering the phone it’s ok at that age.

Pogmella · 13/09/2019 07:35

Just wanted to say I haven’t heard this phrase in years! My mum used to say it- when she used it it was in a very judgemental way, she raised kids in the 70’s and based on other stories I’m fairly certain the judgement was about women working not child safety which sounded um, a fair bit more lax...

user1493413286 · 13/09/2019 07:37

That’s fine and no one else’s business; realistically what else are you going to do with a 12 year old.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 13/09/2019 07:37

Ds has just started to do this and he loves it

That bit if time alone at home, letting himself in and making his own decisions is all part of growing up. He didn’t want his nana there waiting for him and disappointed when I have come home early and been there waiting for him

bumblingbovine49 · 13/09/2019 07:41

DH and did arrange to work from home for a few weeks when D's started secondary school but very quickly he had to come how to.a eempty house. I work 4 days a week but am often out when DS gets home anyway as I usually have stuff to do out of the house !!

He is fine with it

Streamingbannersofdawn · 13/09/2019 07:46

My son does this, he is 12. We have a key safe and honestly the greatest danger is that he will eat everything in the house.

I've no other choice. However the very fact that even our after school sports clubs only run for an extra hour and there is no childcare at all for after year 6 must be an indication that there is little call for it. There cannot be that many parents with school hour jobs!

There is always someone to judge you, my Mum freaked out that my eldest was home alone for an inset day. He's 15 and horrified that she would suggest coming to take care of him. On the other hand though "you must teach them to be independent" you can't win.

GOODCAT · 13/09/2019 07:46

@Pogmella that is so true about latch key kids being a 70s phrase. I was a latch key kid then and loved the indepence. I remember my mum felt judged because she was working, but I was proud of the fact that she worked.

firstimemamma · 13/09/2019 07:50

Parents get judged no matter what they do! You know your child best. If your current set up works, carry on as you are and ignore critics.

likeridingabike · 13/09/2019 08:15

I've found grandparents are the most horrified, but that's as much about wanting to be needed as anything else. My MIL would pick my year 11 up from the school gate and take her home to bake cup cakes everyday given half a chance 😁.

The same applies to school holidays, once they're in secondary there's very little appropriate holiday club type provision and DD loves being left to get up late and do her own thing, mobile phones with tracking, regular check ins etc. and they're fine.

WhyBirdStop · 13/09/2019 08:22

I did this from year 7, got the school bus home and let myself in, DB is two years younger and would go home with a school friend and DM picked him up after work so I wasn't responsible for him, until he was at secondary school too. it was fine and after a while I had an extracurricular activity after school most nights and would get home at the same time as my mum or a bit later.

Natsku · 13/09/2019 08:40

That's pretty normal for year 7s, your colleagues must not remember being in secondary school themselves, or had stay at home parents.

In my country it's not unusual for kids to start being latch key kids from 6/7 years old (1st grade, when there's no more childcare but there can be after school care so not all 1st graders are latch key kids) and very common from 9 years old (3rd grade, when after school care ends). No one would bat an eyelid at a 12 year old being home alone all day during holidays etc. (though of course they don't stay home all day, they go out and see friends etc.)

reluctantbrit · 13/09/2019 08:49

DH normally works from home. It has periods with frequent travel. So in Y6 Summer term (she was still10) we started letting her being alone at home after school. She knew a neighbour was in and if she really felt bad her childminder would come to the rescue.

Nothing happened. She is happy to have peace. We have fairly strict rules about opening doors and no use of hob, oven and microwave at the moment.

Before that we already left her to go shopping or she walked alone to after schools or activities.

So when secondary started she was already confident and apart from the odd day when she forgets schoolwork and is glued to the TV it works very well. This
Summer she was alone for a nearly full day, she didn’t get up until, 10.30am.

No child can be expected to just know how to be alone when you don’t teach them in small steps?

Legomadx2 · 13/09/2019 08:53

That's absolutely fine. I have once or twice left DS12 for a day in the holidays when we didn't have childcare - he came and met me at work for lunch and had a few hours either side by himself.

Some boys at his school travel right across London to get to school, for up to 90 minutes on trains, buses and tubes. I think it's fine.

BogglesGoggles · 13/09/2019 08:56

While I’ve never done this/known anyone to do it, I don’t see the issue. If you live close to school and she is trustworthy and happy with the arrangement what is the issue. It’s not like you are leaving her for a week while you go on holiday.