What does your DH do if your toddler wakes in the night?

[Woodlandwitch]

I’d your toddler wakes in the night and comes into your bedroom wanting to sleep with you what does your DH do?

I just want the minimal doseuptkon possible as I have work first thing, we don’t have a huge bed but still have DC’s for mattrsss that I pull out next to me on the floor and lay him down there with his cover and he falls back off to sleep straight away

DH hates this and doesn’t like DC coming in at night.

Tonight he came in and went round to DH’s side of the bed.
DH told him to go back to bed.
DC was sad so I went to cuddle him to comfort him and asked if he wanted to sleep next to me on the floor and as soon as I said that DH said ‘no he’s sleeping in his own room’.

I put him back to bed but he didn’t want to so was crying and then DH shouted at him.

Obviously this doesn’t calm DC down and I know that it just prolongs things and makes everything worse but DH hates me going against what he’s said once he’s said it.

10 minutes later and DC is still crying so DH gets DC and puts him into our bed with me and DH goes of in a huff saying how DC gets his own way again and DH goes to sleep in DC’s bed

He’s now fast asleep but I’m sat here feeling so cross and upset.
I’ve got work first thing and he’s ruined any chance of me getting a good night now.

Luckily DC fell asleep straight away as soon as he was with me so he is sleeping fine.

I don’t know what I can do here to help DH be more relaxed about sleeping when it’s late and everyone just needs rest.
I wouldn’t like it if I said DC couldn’t do something and then DH went and let him anyway but I don’t agree with DH making these decisions in the middle of the night that don’t seem to make any sense and aren’t good for anyone

But what happens when consistency doesn't work?

I don't think the OP's husband should be entitled to rule out options, unless he is implementing them. Consistency sounds just fine, but if it means 'you be consistent while I sleep,' that isn't ok at all.

We'd generally both try to pretend to be still asleep for a minute in the hope that the other would deal with child. Then usually a sense of justice and fair play would prevail & whoever needed to sleep more on that particular night would be allowed to stay asleep. Best result would be taking child back to his room and lying with him until he nodded off. Or taking him into our bed which usually involved displacing other parent into child's bed. DH was much better at getting up and taking him back to his room than me. I was much more - just get in our bed, be quiet and go to sleep before I wake up properly.

We have always had one strict rule about sleep which has worked well for us.

It is ‘whatever gets everyone the most sleep’.

But luckily we both agreed to it.

Could you have a calm chat in the daytime sometime?

I have no idea, I am both hard of hearing and a very deep sleeper, so I never wake up when DS calls out.

I’ve never found DS in our bed in a morning though, so whatever it is DH does to settle him it doesn’t involve co-sleeping.

Send them back to bed. We can barely tolerate each other in a king size. Lots of people prefer sleeping on their own, my boyfriend loved it when l used to night shifts and he got the bed to himself. My mum won’t share a bed and l think my inlaws sleep in different rooms

I feel your pain. I had disagreements with my husband over this too. However, please do not think you are in the wrong for wanting to comfort your child for waking in the night. You and they haven't done anything wrong and there is no harm in allowing them comfort in your bed! You are not pandering to the toddler, they are not conniving, they just want comfort!

Whatever, you and your husband decide shouting isn't going to get you anywhere. If he wants him back in his bed then he has to be a part of that process in a caring way.

You haven't done anything wrong and the more you push your child away, the more they will want to come in your bed! Make it available, the less they will wake up because they won't be fretting...