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Original poster

Your OH’s sweet gestures towards his mum?

32 replies

MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 13:15

What kind of things does your DH do for his mum that makes you feel awwww he is a loyal son. That you feel Make her feel appreciated and honoured in his life? Or you feel proud and think to yourself “would love for my sons to treat me this way when I’m older”.

What sort of things are you willing to support him build in his relationship with his mother? Do you find your have to remind him of how to be a “caring son?”

Im just being nosey. Some men are a bit conditioned to only do things when asked and most of the time mothers don’t feel they can ask once their son is committed to another women because they’re scared to step on toes, so ends up feeling neglected and bitter. It’s my theory lol.

I feel as daughters -generically speaking- it is easier to still go out of our way for our parents without having our loyalties to our marriage questioned. So just want to hear what sons get up to.

I’m LC with my in laws. Because they took it out on me horrendously even though I had not stood in their way, but perhaps my presence was an obstacle to their hopes from their son. So just trying to hear it from the other side.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 14:21

Bump

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/09/2019 14:26

Something about the idea of this feels odd to me. I don't think sons automatically focus their attentions on their girlfriends... And I don't think daughters are necessarily more giving towards their parents.

My fiancé is lovely to his mum, but because he is lovely, not because I make him or support the relationship. He's also lovely to me.

My ex was lovely to his mum and obsessed with surprising her with presents, but a bit of a knob to me... me and his mum got on fine, so I have no idea why.

I suspect the way that a son is raised has more to do with how "nice" they are to their mums over who they date or marry. If they are bought up to surprise people and make them smile and be good people; they're likely to do that to their mum and other people. If they're not, they're probably not going to pick it up in later life.

Charles11 · 05/09/2019 14:28

Just generally popping in and visiting, taking the kids to visit, remembering birthdays, having a chat, taking them out.
Likewise, my brothers do the same for my mum, with or without their wives.
I think that’s what they appreciate more than anything else - contact.
That’s what I’d appreciate too!

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Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 14:33

I don't think sons automatically focus their attentions on their girlfriends... And I don't think daughters are necessarily more giving towards their parents.

I feel misunderstood, that wasn’t what I was implying.

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AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 05/09/2019 15:08

My DH organised a small get together and barbecue for his mums birthday last year.

The ungrateful bitch then moaned bitterly because he'd invited her brother Confused

Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 15:15

The ungrateful bitch then moaned bitterly because he'd invited her brother confused

If you organised a barbecue for your mums birthday and invited someone she doesn’t want ... to her birthday.. wouldn’t she moan at you??

I think mine would. And DH wouldn’t have a chance if he called her ungrateful bitch... :S

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Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 15:17

I’m no saint I genuinely am the verge of breakdown from my in laws and dislike them with a passion. But it’s a matter of being fair I think.

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Fishcakey · 05/09/2019 17:58

My OH had a terrible childhood and I think his Mum should be grateful he even speaks to her!

tatyr · 05/09/2019 18:12

I'm not sure I can answer your actual question, but here's my story...
my partner's mother already had dementia when I met her. A few years later, at one of her grandchildren's wedding, she mistook her son (my partner) for her first husband who had died about 35 years previously. He sat beside her, held her hand and allowed her to talk to him without correcting her or disturbing her version of reality.

That must have been a pretty mind screwing thing to do, but it was what she needed.
What did I do? I gave then space, and comforted him afterwards.

MissCherryCakeyBun · 05/09/2019 18:56

My first partners mum died on Christmas Eve a month and a day before our daughter was born he misses her terribly even tho it's 28 years this year and my partners mum died while he was on honeymoon with his first wife 30 years ago he also misses his mum terribly....I've never really had a mother in law and miss that to be honest, despite what many on here say.

Both missed the chance to share their daughters growing up with their mums and to share adulthood too. It's very sad Sad

As adults many of us don't get the chances to spend time with parents

TSSDNCOP · 05/09/2019 18:57

He visits her every single week. Tidied her house, does small jobs and takes her out. I’d be very proud if he were my son.

FreyaMountstuart · 05/09/2019 19:29

He left university to nurse take care of her when she was dying of cancer.

Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 19:44

Tatyr that sounds so sweet and lovely. Must’ve been hard but it’s really sweet

TSSDNCOP that’s very kind of him indeed

Freya wow that’s really loyal. And indeed would make me proud.

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VivaDixie · 05/09/2019 19:52

@tatyr. That is just beautiful Flowers

Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 20:01

Any MILs out there who can tell us what their sons do to make them feel content and happy? That they kept this special relationship and their sons marriage/partnership didn’t infringe upon their mother-son bond?

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isntshelovely11 · 05/09/2019 20:10

Well my DPs mum passed away before we met so unfortunately didn't get to see how he was with her but from what I've heard he was a proper mummy's boy! How he is with my mum also shows me this. He's always been really sweet to my mum for example if we've gone round hers to visit and she's been shopping he'll bring it all in the house and help her put it away and just being generally polite, taking me and mum out for dinner and he even brought my mum flowers to cheer her up when her dog passed away!

pistolknight · 05/09/2019 20:15

Dps parents moved out to house sit when he was 17 and never went back leaving him with all the bills and looking after his 14 year old sister. They’re lucky he still speaks to them

Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 20:38

I think this thread is quite worrying..

There is very very few responses about normal mother-son relationships which are positive, from the eyes of dil, unless it’s a story of human crisis or if the mil is actually dead.

Maybe I should change the question:

What would be normal kind gestures in a healthy loving mother-son relationship with an adult married son, that will keep that relationship thriving separately from the sons marriage/relationship

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granhands1 · 05/09/2019 20:53

My partner boarded over his mum's loft so she would be safe up there.

tatyr · 05/09/2019 21:31

I do find the question a bit tricky, trying to understand what you want to get to the bottom of. My partner and his mother were not particularly 'close', she was in her 40s when he was born (unplanned) she said he was the reason she was on tranquillisers, she always said he wasn't a 'real' professional, despite being the only child of 4 who went to uni. She was quite a difficult woman by all accounts-abrasive! If circumstances had been different when we met, I don't think she would have seen me as a threat to her relationship with her son.

I'm not sure how easy it is to make generalisations as people and their relationships are so different. You are looking at your experiences and trying to make sense of it, see if it could have been different perhaps. Maybe it was just easier for the IL's to take it out on you than admit their sons shortcomings

BizzzzyBee · 05/09/2019 21:33

I don’t give a crap what he does for his mum. I certainly don’t support him in building a relationship with the old cow. If he wants to do stuff for her that’s up to him. If he doesn’t then that’s his (and her) problem. Not mine.

Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 21:38

Ok maybe another way to ask the question :S :

if you have a son, what would you hope to have as a relationship with him as an adult who has his own personal relationships? Without it being unreasonable? What kind of friendship/contact do you envision?

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Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 21:39

I should probably ask this on gransnet :D

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highheelsandbobblehats · 05/09/2019 21:46

My DH does all sorts for her. He's spoken to her every night since FIL passed two years ago. At first it was to see how she was doing that day. As she's naturally been better with time, it's a routine that's stuck.
He bought her concert tickets for her upcoming birthday after she'd mentioned to him in passing that she was looking at going with a friend. He bought her an iPad for Xmas a couple of years ago. His reason being that she's a serial Facebook link clicker so kept bringing all sorts down onto her generic tablet and infecting it. But iPads tend to be impenetrable, so he got it for her own good. Spends hours talking her through whatever tech emergency she's having at the time (most recently because she couldn't find Sky on her new TV so hadn't watched TV for days. She had no idea about switching to HDMI.
Never fails to answer her 2am calls if she's upset.
My DH is a good, kind man.

Original poster
MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 23:04

highheels.. sounds like a healthy relationship to me.

I do wonder if most ppl here would say their relationship with their own families is closer nit than their DH relationship with his family

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