Is there any way I can stop buying nieces and nephews Christmas presents without looking mean and miserable??

[RogelioAndXo]

I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew, all siblings. The eldest, N1, is 20. The other two are 18 and 15.

I've vaguely had in mind that when they turn 21 then I'd stop buying them gifts. The adults buy each other gifts too. However, my family all get together at Christmas for present swapping. If I stop buying N1 gifts next year when she's 21, then at Christmas I'd be handing out presents to her parents and her two siblings, but not her. I can't possibly do that without feeling like a complete cow.

I've suggested we all stop buying presents and instead we spend the money on a family day out or meal. It went down like a lead balloon - no one wants to do it. I've suggested secret Santa. I've suggested giving to charity. Nope.

I can't think of any other way of stopping buying my nieces and nephew presents without feeling majorly awful and leaving one of them out. Is there anything else I haven't thought of? Otherwise I'm going to be buying them presents well into adulthood and, well, I don't really want to

In dh family noone buys presents after the age of 18.I thought it was a bit harsh when he first told me but no I'm used to it.Its a big family though so assume it's to cut costs down

We stopped at 16. It became a money swap from about 12 years old.
Just buy for dc, Dp and our parents.
We both have large families and it's once again lovely doing our Christmas shopping.

I think it’s rubbish if the nieces and nephews don’t buy for you guys. We always bought for our aunt and uncle, cousins etc from an early age. Mum and Dad provided some money as younger kids, and we saved allowance as older teens.

I would start with the ‘household’ or family gifts if I were you. Then when inevitable partners of nieces/nephews are involved you can transition seamlessly!

Plus, definitely only exchange gifts with people you physically see at Christmas in the extended family.

They want to carry on because they like the idea of gift giving. Nothing stopping you from cutting down the value of the presents. Nobody should be counting the cost of how much somebody else has spent on their present.

A small Xmas cake is always appreciated by adults

No it isn't. I don't like Christmas cake and would think that it was a bit of a shit present.

I would just buy a tub of chocs for the girls to share. Some money in a card for the fifteen year old until she reaches eighteen.

Thanks everyone; I really like the idea of buying one single family gift for them to share.

Me too. Thanks for the pp who suggested it, great idea!

Do you also buy birthday presents?

I can't understand how the parents haven't suggested you stop - that inequality is so noticeable. In our family the adults tend to stop getting presents from relatives once they have children and when the children are too young to work they might get something (they'd prefer money) but once they are working - even part-time - that stops.

A big Thornton’s hamper for the whole family to share, the youngsters will love all the the chocolate and looking what’s in the big box it will be a novelty too!

Cheaper presents. We do £10 per person.

I like the idea of a single family present that they all share. That's a great idea.

How about one of those £5 sweet tubs?

My brother's family get through quite a few even before Christmas. I have fond memories of our Nan giving us all quality Street but that was a box to ourselves, but just as good!

Yes we buy birthday presents too. That works the same way - I will get a single present from the five of them (as will my husband when it's his birthday), and we buy for all of them for each of their birthdays - adults and nieces and nephew.

How about token gifts, with a max price? I appreciate this raises the risk of getting cheap tat that has to be thrown away in January but that might get you a step closer to no gifts at all.

I'm a bit surprised people are surprised that the kids don't buy their aunt and uncle gifts separately from their parents?

I feel like it's quite normal for families to give gifts together. When I lived at home, any gift from my mum and dad was always from me and my sister too...we would never have got separate presents unless my parents had specifically bought something and labelled it up from us (eg a special little gift for a grandparent or something.)

I definitely wouldn't (and have never) bought separate gifts for my aunties and uncles just from me.

we would never have got separate presents unless my parents had specifically bought something and labelled it up from us (eg a special little gift for a grandparent or something.)

When you were 20? 21?

I suppose I just think that if giving gifts is important, then it’s important from an early-ish age to encourage the practice of thoughtful gift-giving. So my DC buy little presents they choose themselves at Christmas for grandparents etc. We haven’t done aunts and uncles yet but we might, when we hand over the present-giving to them for everyone.

For birthdays we just do from our family generally, but we’re spread out. At Christmas when you’re face-to-face opening gifts I think it’s nice to see people’s reaction to something chosen for you. And if you don’t start young then you get to this pretty unfair scenario where some adults aren’t getting gifts but still giving them just because of seniority. I think when you reach 18 you should be buing gifts for anyone who buys you one, or have the conversation about not needing a gift any more.

Wow op, I thought you would be talking about young children!
I'd just keep buying until all over 21?
Or money in card?

I buy for nieces and nephews until 21, it is more unfair to buy for one until 25 then stop for both when youngest is 21.

The only way to do it is drop into the conversation now and again that you stop after the 21st birthday gift. To be honest a 21 year old wont care.

Do you meet up on birthdays? I think, if I were you, I’d stop Birthday presents and just give family gifts at Christmas.

If you do see them on birthdays, then a token present would be appropriate.

I have 29 nieces and nephews, we stop buying when they turn 18. I suggested it a few years before the first turned 18 though so I can see that it would tricky to start once they've passed that age.

We have 2 adult nieces that buy gifts for us and we buy for them too. Incidentally, they are the ones that have maintained a relationship with us, not just catching up at Christmas.

I think the hamper is a great idea and one of my sisters does this for my family. We don't think it's tight, our children (of various ages) look forward to seeing what's in it.

Same here as PP have said, we dont buy for the adults anymore once they have children, we just buy for the kids or it all gets a bit ridiculous and expensive.

Oh yes I’m also in this situation, I’ve no idea as I know it would be taken the wrong way (almost deliberately so) by certain wider family members and I don’t want to rock the boat. My niece is now 24 and married and nephew is 22!

I would also very much like to give much smaller token gifts to my parents and in-laws too. I struggle hugely to come up with ideas as there’s clearly nothing they need. We have 3 dc 18-21 who cost us an arm and a leg to run anyway so money is always somewhat tight.

I advised I would stop buying presents at 18- made it easier as my nieces and nephews never even acknowledged receipt of gifts let alone said thank you.

Now far less stress in buying gifts which they might not like, less crap going to landfill and easier all round.
Just announce it as a done deal.(it caused bad feeling year 1, then after that nothing)

We stopped buying for adult siblings once they had children so we bought for nieces and nephews instead.

This year money is a lot tighter so I’m dreading it already as we have 16 nieces and nephews to buy for so even something small becomes very expensive.

When they get partners you buy a joint gift. Gift card to movies for example. Then if they marry and have a baby....you tell them you will now start buying for the young ones. I can't understand why you would want to stop buying for them if you have always done so. If its the money...go into Poundland or in North America a dollar store and make a gift basket with some deals.

I Do a family gift now. Here's a few things they have had

Board game
Case of Wine - done this a few times
A box full of groceries from the Indian supermarket a sort of make your own cutty kit
Home made hamper - chutneys, pickles etc

Other things could be a ticket / voucher for a family day out or a show.
Amazon voucher - maybe not as a first family present because it looks a bit crap.

Something for the garden, a tree or a bench or some bulbs.

A family photo session - maybe for when the eldest graduates.