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Original poster

Is there any way I can stop buying nieces and nephews Christmas presents without looking mean and miserable??

89 replies

RogelioAndXo · 05/09/2019 11:10

I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew, all siblings. The eldest, N1, is 20. The other two are 18 and 15.

I've vaguely had in mind that when they turn 21 then I'd stop buying them gifts. The adults buy each other gifts too. However, my family all get together at Christmas for present swapping. If I stop buying N1 gifts next year when she's 21, then at Christmas I'd be handing out presents to her parents and her two siblings, but not her. I can't possibly do that without feeling like a complete cow.

I've suggested we all stop buying presents and instead we spend the money on a family day out or meal. It went down like a lead balloon - no one wants to do it. I've suggested secret Santa. I've suggested giving to charity. Nope.

I can't think of any other way of stopping buying my nieces and nephew presents without feeling majorly awful and leaving one of them out. Is there anything else I haven't thought of? Otherwise I'm going to be buying them presents well into adulthood and, well, I don't really want to Blush

OP posts:
Longlongsummer · 05/09/2019 12:05

We just buy for the kids. Stops at 21 though. Simple!

Longlongsummer · 05/09/2019 12:06

You don’t have to get others to stop buying for you. Just state that you are not buying for siblings. Just kids.

Floralnomad · 05/09/2019 12:10

I’m the only sibling with children and my sisters still buy for my adult children however my adult children also buy gifts for them etc . I would suggest that you give a family gift instead of individually gifting to each one . I find it odd that adult children don’t start buying for their relatives , even if it’s just a token gift .

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User478 · 05/09/2019 12:10

Isn't this what chocolate oranges are for?

Millie2017 · 05/09/2019 12:14

Agree with the suggestion to lower the amount you are spending per person. That way they all get something to unwrap. A shared gift looks a bit tight.

Original poster
RogelioAndXo · 05/09/2019 12:14

Thanks everyone; I really like the idea of buying one single family gift for them to share.

There is little point in saying I'm only buying for children from now on as two of them are already adults, so I'd literally be buying one gift just for my nephew Wink

There is no begrudging or lack of closeness or anything like that. It's just the money it costs me - and also, where do I stop? The eldest two are already in relationships and will likely have children of their own at some point.

The family shared gift I think is the way to go Smile

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 05/09/2019 12:17

I've already suggested that we stop buying gifts and no one wants to

You need to tell them that you and Dh are no longer participating. They don't get to decide that you cannot opt out altogether. You don't buy for any of them (adults or kids) and they don't buy for you. You get less gifts but you can put money saved towards something yourself and Dh want/need. I'd tell them soon as some people may already be thinking of shopping.

Trimummy3 · 05/09/2019 12:19

We do a secret Santa in my family £50 for each adult (siblings and their partners) It means I only buy one present instead of 6! The present is a much wanted present as the budget is 50.

The children (there’s now 6 of them) all get a present or two from each of us. Older kids get xbox vouchers or clothes vouchers and the younger kids get toys, books etc.

Original poster
RogelioAndXo · 05/09/2019 12:21

A shared gift looks a bit tight.

Really? Even though up until now every Christmas as a family they've had five individual presents (costing roughly £125) from me and husband, but we've received two (costing around £50)? I could still spend around £100, say, on hamper items and I'd still be spending double what they do. Does that really seem tight?

As I said upthread, I genuinely couldn't care less that husband and I buy five gifts and get two in return - we've loved having nieces & nephew and we've enjoyed watching them open our presents. But I'm perplexed that we now might be seen as being tight for buying them a shared present.

OP posts:
nachosTrafficante · 05/09/2019 12:24

I buy a family present rather than separate presents. Usually a cheese hamper for my Sister, her husband and grown up kids.

OrangeSlices998 · 05/09/2019 12:29

I've had this for years. My DB & DSIL have 2 children, and I've been buying presents for 4 birthdays and 3 Xmas presents (usually a joint present for DB/DSIL) for years, and got 1 back from them on my birthday/Xmas. I'm not tight, but it was also the lack of effort and gratitude.

How to manage it is tricky - the 21 year old is definitely old enough to buy a small gift at least, and her parents should be encouraging this!

The alternative is you get them a shared gift - vouchers, hamper, whatever. You get to decide how to spend your money!

Millie2017 · 05/09/2019 12:29

I’m just visualising the discussion about who’s turn it is to open the gift this year. Ignore me, I’m sure the 15yr old will be well chuffed with the shared hamper.

Quirrelsotherface · 05/09/2019 12:31

Yes I was just going to make the point you've made above, OP. I actually can't believe they haven't suggested ages ago that you stop buying the adults (as in the mother and father) presents as you are spending so much more! With our DB's we now just buy for the children otherwise it becomes ridiculous. Some people are just so weird about gift giving.

OrangeSlices998 · 05/09/2019 12:31

@Millie2017 They're teenagers, not small children. They can handle a joint present, I'm sure they'll manage the heartbreak of one less gift to open Hmm

Jamhandprints · 05/09/2019 12:31

You could start buying a family gift like: cinema vouchers, a game, a drinks hamper, a new channel on their tv package (movies or sports). Or just ask them which they'd prefer, something (cheap and cheerful) to open or a family day out?

Original poster
RogelioAndXo · 05/09/2019 12:31

Well if the hamper contains chocolate and sweets I'm sure he would be Grin

OP posts:
Jamhandprints · 05/09/2019 12:38

Yes, if it's got his favourite sweets in he won't complain.

noroominthefridge · 05/09/2019 13:04

Just tell them that from now on, to save everybody precious time, you will be using the money that you normally spend on them to get something nice for yourselves and that they should do the same.

Redwinestillfine · 05/09/2019 13:09

In our family most aunties and uncles stopped buying for us when we had kids ( and they buy for them instead) or when we moved out and had Christmas away from parents ( but we do exchange gifts if we're having Christmas day together). I would buy them all token gifts. You don't have to spend much.

Drabarni · 05/09/2019 13:12

I solved this with a family gift until all kids were over 18.

Or for other people I just buy for their kids, not the adults. You'd never stop if you included everyone.

I did speak to them beforehand though, so they didn't go out and buy us all presents.

pottedshrimps · 05/09/2019 13:24

All this stuff that people don't want to buy, can't afford, don't want to receive, won't use, can't store, cluttering up the world. People are brainwashed and guilt tripped into doing it.

Just say no.

Bibidy · 05/09/2019 13:28

Get them a £10 voucher each, sorted.

Then you're only spending a fiver more in total than you're currently spending per person, and they're still getting a little token gift from you.

SisterWendyBuckett · 05/09/2019 13:29

If you have the time and inclination you could do home made gifts.

A small Xmas cake is always appreciated by adults - if you make it nice and boozy you don't have to ice it. Just tie a pretty ribbon round it and pop it in an airtight tin.

You could make simple home made sweets for the kids, or even buy their favourite selection - bunch them into coloured cellophane wraps and arrange in an attractive box or wooden crate.

Bibidy · 05/09/2019 13:32

Really? Even though up until now every Christmas as a family they've had five individual presents (costing roughly £125) from me and husband, but we've received two (costing around £50)?

Realistically though they're spending the same as you are per person, so I don't think you can equate it that way just because they've got the bigger family.

I would do a shared gift with kids involved, even though they're teens.

I'd get the parents a joint gift, and then give the kids £10 voucher each.

NotJust3SmallWords · 05/09/2019 13:38

Another vote here for a shared family gift. Maybe a board game or a voucher to use at an escape room or for bowling/the cinema etc. That'll be something fun they can all do together and is definitely for all of them.

If there's a big family it's so easy to end up with a load of stuff at Christmas that the recipient doesn't really want, so I think that giving an experience is a great idea.