Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

School bus or walk. Please help me figure out what to do!

40 replies

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 18:30

I posted about this a few months ago but need some more help deciding what to do.
DD has just gone in to year 7. She has severe anxiety issues so for the first couple of days I've been doing the short bus journey with her. Today though we were unable to get on the bus home as it was completely full. Looked very rowdy and the kids were crammed in like sardines. It wasn't as bad yesterday as school was only open for the year 7 group.
It is a twenty five minute walk home but there are several main roads to cross and also one very secluded one. She currently knows no one she could walk home with.
I'm just not sure how she should get home when I'm no longer able to be there to help (Monday).
She says she would prefer to try to get on the bus then walk if she couldn't but I'm scared of her doing either to be honest. I thought the bus would be the best option but it looked pretty intimidating with kids pushing in front of us to get on and general craziness.
Please help me decide what to do for the best. I know I'm being over protective but she has severe issues with bullying and subsequent mental health problems last year.

OP posts:

Bunnybigears · 04/09/2019 18:32

Tell her to wait and get on the bus after the bus that is crammed?

Original poster

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 18:33

That's the one option she's not on board with as it would mean her waiting in the library for 45 minutes every day. It's my preferred option though!

OP posts:

Bunnybigears · 04/09/2019 18:35

There may be some after school clubs she can join that will mean she can stay at school later but not be bored. Also once the homework starts she can do that in the library before she gets the bus.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Secondary education

whattodowith · 04/09/2019 18:38

Tell her to wait and get on the bus after the bus that is crammed?

This was going to be my suggestion.

itsabongthing · 04/09/2019 18:39

Well she saw what it was like today - if you’re not comfortable with her walking alone (and I can sort of see why) then she can make the choice herself whether to try the crammed bus or wait in the library with a book/homework, and how anxious the bus journey would make her feel. She has options which is good but I think let her make the choice and try not to worry.

Bookworm4 · 04/09/2019 18:41

You’re the one scared and worried, your DD has said she’ll go on the bus; so let her. She sounds as if she’s coping better than you.

orangeshoebox · 04/09/2019 18:41

practice all options with her and let her make the choice.
she will be fine

Original poster

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 18:45

She probably is coping better than me tbh . But I think she would struggle on the crammed bus without me there. She's my eldest so never done any of this before .

OP posts:

ArcticHair · 04/09/2019 18:46

Could she cycle?

Wolfiefan · 04/09/2019 18:47

Honestly OP it sounds like you are exacerbating the issue. If the options are bus or walk then she needs to do one or the other. Perhaps let her decide which she is happiest with?

Bookworm4 · 04/09/2019 18:47

Let her try, if you’re so anxious it’s not helping her is it? You need to be brave and encourage her decisions, build her confidence, learn to step back.

ArcticHair · 04/09/2019 18:48

I was terribly bullied on the school bus. In my experience, the drivers don't do anything and they're concentrating on the road anyway. There's no authority figure and an enclosed space. Conditions are perfect for bullying.

Original poster

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 18:49

She's not confident enough on a bike to cycle and it's not the safest place to do it.

OP posts:

ArcticHair · 04/09/2019 18:49

But that's not to say your DD will be! Let her give it a go and if it's horrible then at least she has a back up! I didn't.

Original poster

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 18:50

I know my anxiety about it isn't helping, I do. I'm just so worried about her being targeted on the bus or pushed or hurt, it looked pretty crazy.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 04/09/2019 18:52

If she wants to go in the bus let her. Tell her she can get off and walk if she's finding it intimidating.

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2019 18:53

She says she would prefer to try to get on the bus then walk if she couldn't but I'm scared of her doing either to be honest.

That's the perfect solution.

Are you sure it's her who has anxiety?

Original poster

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 18:56

Thanks for that Worra. I've already acknowledged that I know my anxiety about it isn't helping. It's been a hard week and we're trying to adjust. Was just looking for some advice.
Thanks all. I think I'll let her try it tomorrow and see what she thinks afterwards.

OP posts:

Ravingstarfish · 04/09/2019 18:58

worried about her being targeted on the bus or pushed or hurt, it looked pretty crazy

It’s a school bus, not a war zone for crying out loud, she’ll be fine .

MarigoldGlove · 04/09/2019 19:01

I remember your last thread.

I agree with people saying she’s already said what she is planning to do so let her do it without you catastrophising it.

She’s got three options. All doable and all perfectly normal. On Monday she will do one of them. Well, I’d be letting her do it before Monday.

I know you are very concerned about it but I really think you need to stop talking about it and let her do it.

Original poster

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 19:01

It's a public bus that school children use and we were being pushed and shoved trying to get on, that was with me there with her

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 04/09/2019 19:04

You need to address your own issues if you’re anxious and she isn’t.

MarigoldGlove · 04/09/2019 19:06

Yes but they are just children getting on a bus. Children. That’s what they do. It’s not malicious. And it’s been that way from the beginning of time.

I remember when my dd was in year six and we were in the car in a traffic jam and our car was surrounded by high school kids crossing the road. My dd looked quite scared and I told her that they were just kids crossing the road. Taking advantage of the red light wanting to get home, Now she is one of those kids in the crowd.

Original poster

MayorMumbum · 04/09/2019 19:12

You're probably right Marigold, and I'm surprised by how overwhelming I found it. She's just been through so much and I'm trying to protect her from going through anything more.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2019 19:13

I hadn't spotted your post about your own anxiety.

But either way, she's found the perfect solution so let her get on with it and just support her.

Packed buses happen, kids get rowdy. It's part of normal school life for many kids. Generally speaking they just get on with it.

Flip

1 2