School bus or walk. Please help me figure out what to do!

[MayorMumbum]

I posted about this a few months ago but need some more help deciding what to do.
DD has just gone in to year 7. She has severe anxiety issues so for the first couple of days I've been doing the short bus journey with her. Today though we were unable to get on the bus home as it was completely full. Looked very rowdy and the kids were crammed in like sardines. It wasn't as bad yesterday as school was only open for the year 7 group.
It is a twenty five minute walk home but there are several main roads to cross and also one very secluded one. She currently knows no one she could walk home with.
I'm just not sure how she should get home when I'm no longer able to be there to help (Monday).
She says she would prefer to try to get on the bus then walk if she couldn't but I'm scared of her doing either to be honest. I thought the bus would be the best option but it looked pretty intimidating with kids pushing in front of us to get on and general craziness.
Please help me decide what to do for the best. I know I'm being over protective but she has severe issues with bullying and subsequent mental health problems last year.

Honestly, I’d be aiming to walk. 25 mins isn’t much. Maybe once she’s found someone she can walk at least part of the way with you’ll both feel better about it?

I think you need to let her go. She will work a way round it. She'll either get the bus, walk, or wait.

Having you there isn't helping her right now. It makes her stand out from the rest of the students and she needs to learn to cope. If your anxiety is bad as well you will be feeding off each other. This cycle needs to stop.

Yes I think we are probably feeding off each other now. I'm just finding it so hard to just let her try and get on with it. She seems so young still and still quite vulnerable . I also agree that my being there is now making her stand out more. There were a few parents doing the trip yesterday but hardly any today.

You’re the one scared and worried, your DD has said she’ll go on the bus; so let her. She sounds as if she’s coping better than you.

This with bells on. Busy buses are part of life. Better to tackle them at 11 because if not now, when. Much, much safer than walking alone.

If she didn't have options it may well be different, BUT she does, so can chose that which works best for her.

getting one set of homework out of the way before the next bus may become more appealing in the next week, or on a pleasant evening, a brisk walk home may be better for her.

Encourage her to explore and be comfortable with the different choices, because that will empower her and give her control.

Doesn’t sound like you’re feeding each other. More that your anxiety is influencing her. You need to deal with your own anxiety and start to let her take these first steps to independence.

Don't go with her tomorrow. Please. Let her figure it out along with everyone else who is new.
If she doesn't manage on the bus she can try something different next time. But don't assume it will be awful before she's even tried. That's doing nothing for her anxiety.

I do feel for you OP. I suffer from mild anxiety myself and tend to overthink everything, but my DS has surprised me with how well he can sort things out for himself!

If you want to exacerbate her anxiety carry on responding as you are. If you want her to develop a healthy independence and move away from your claustrophobic clucking, let her get on the bus like everyone else.
Yes, she’ll be pushed and shoved a bit like everyone else. They survive and learn to push back.

That's nice Cherry, "claustrophobic clucking". She was a very anxious, mentally unwell little girl just six months ago and I'm very concerned of that happening again. Yes I'm anxious as a result of just how ill she became and I've already agreed that I need to address this. I was posting here for support and advice.

Thank you all for your advice. I'm not sure about home time tomorrow but she's going to get the bus there alone tomorrow. She is able to use her phone at lunch so I'll let her decide what she wants to do at pick up time.

My DD2 walked at that age, same distance perhaps a little more and major roads including the ring road, dd1 took the bus and she's autistic.

Can she walk along the bus route a couple of stops and get on there? My old school bus was bananas with pushing and shoving to get on but it thinned out a bit quite quickly. Ditto on timings-15 mins later wasn't such mayhem.

I just wanted to say I totally understand your concerns as my son was in what sounds a similar position 6 months ago And has just started year 7. Unless you have experienced how awful bullying and subsequent mental health problems can me you have no idea of how much thinking you have to do about every single thing to build your child back up. You ARE doing a good job OP despite what others on here may say. You are showing your daughter that she can rely on you to always do the best for her. When children have been bullied they need to have someone like you in their lives x

Thank you help, that was very kind of you.
I know that most are just trying to give me a bit of a shake as I know I'm coming across as neurotic, but there is a reason for it and I'm just trying to come up with the safest solution.