Should I text this mum?

[GallopingGreen]

Quick poll- my ds (8) is at the receiving end of some low level bullying. Just kids being a bit mean. He was invited to a party by one of the boys and was very excited (I got the text from the mum). However birthday boy told my DS the next day in school that his mum didn't want my DS to go so now he can't go. Just shrugged his shoulders and laughed apparently. DS is a sensitive kid and upset now.

I know this is untrue- and the boy is just being a little jerk. Should I text the mom to say "oh heard from NAME that there's no room for DS at the party. Assume numbers were tight! no problem at all but just thought I'd confirm that with you"

Basically to let her know in a subtle way that her ds is being mean in school....

I don't know this woman at all- just to wave hi to as we are both dropping kids and dashing to work kind of thing!

Should I send that text or drop it?

Don’t. If there’s bullying happening, that needs to be dealt with through school. You should speak to the teacher instead.

I would message the mum and ask, definitely.

I think that's a very good message. It's very polite, not going in with all guns blazing but leaves no room for misunderstanding.

I think it would be fine to send the text. It's not about the bullying as such as you are checking the details. As for the actual bullying, I would speak to the school and see if it can be nipped in the bud. Kids are arses to each other sometimes

If she says he is invited then does he even want to go with the mean kids there? I wouldn't send it, take him out and do something fun with him instead

Definitely text as that is how you received the invitation.

I’d be even more brief. Just say “hi, x told y there’s no room for him at the party now. Just checking with you whether he’s expected or not on Saturday? Thanks. Z.”

Thanks for your replies! I agree obviously I will raise any bullying issues with the school and would never speak directly to the mum. It's a small class with only a few boys and I know they will fall in and out over the years- so don't want to create any awkwardness.

That's why I left the draft text broad enough to allow for "oh all a misunderstanding...!" And then let her have a stern word at home with her ds.

Send the txt.
Where will the bullying stop if it`s not nipped in the bud.

I think the text is perfect - send it!
If there was no room, mom would've let you know. Her child is being nasty for no reason.

Yes, text the mum.

But also talk to the school about this.

I would send a text in this instance yes as you've already heard from her and he's already been invited to the party.

I would send the text.

The Mum should be questioning her Son over this and telling him he was out of order. It shouldn't just be the school.

Defiantly text the mother but I would also have a word with a teacher at school as well and ask them to keep an eye out for any bullying.

I’d be more blunt.

Hi, regarding the party invite you sent by text, HER CHILD’S NAME has now told YOUR CHILD’S NAME that you’ve now uninvited him and he can’t go. Please can you let me know ASAP if you’ve had to change the numbers for the party.

That's a polite message but would also give her the heads up as to her son's behaviour. If my kid was being such a little shit, I would want to know. So text her and see what she says.

Definitely text her.

I agree I'd be a bit more direct in the text:

'Hi X, thanks for the invite to x's party, he was looking forward to coming until your DS told him he was no longer invited. Could you confirm whether you've had to change numbers? Thanks'

I'd also be clearer on the text, x told x he can no longer come to the party, is he still invited or not?
There's no point in being vague about it, the mum won't know what you're on about. Why would she have a stern word about a misunderstanding?

I’d send the text

Don't send your original text. It sounds a bit snarky and like you're beating around the bush.

If you must send one, send a more direct matter of fact one, like a couple of PP have drafted.

As the other child has been unkind, whilst this is none of your ds fault, would you not feel awkward letting him go under any circumstance now?

Yes send it. Child needs to realise asap that stupid lies like that get found out and grown ups talk to each other

Text her definitely, telling her what's been said.

I would text but not that - it's too vague and PA.

Museumum's is better

I wouldn't send your original text, it's transparently PA and unlikely to endear you to the other parent.

Either show up as per the invitation, or text to confirm that the arrangements for the party are still on.

Take up the bullying with the school. Kids often don't see the wider consequences of what they say.