DS surname when me &DP not married

[EmeraldIsle81]

Hi Mumsnet
What the rules or convention for my DS surname when myself and DP aren't married?

Do people out 2 surnames? Hyphen in between? 2 surnames in birth cert but can DS choose which one to use when he's older?
If DP surname used as a middle name on birth certcan this be changed later if we get married or if DS wants to use his fathers name?

Help please as not git a clue, thanks!! Xx

You should give your child your surname only and not your boyfriends surname.

It's traditional for the child to take their mother's surname.
It's also traditional for wives to take their husband's name after marriage.
So unmarried mothers would give their child the mother's surname, not the father's.

When you asked about rules and conventions, I thought you meant traditions. Of course you can do whatever suits you, but I'm just pointing out that the tradition is for the child to take the mother's name, and only have the father's name if he married their mother.

You can do anything you like.
You can call him nameanameb, name a, name b, name a-b, b-a, a bit of both, or even something totally different.
The only thing is suggest is make sure you're comfortable with being called Mrs whatever, as you'll get it for years, whether you are Mrs whatever or miss something else.
You can change a name with both parents consent fairly easily, but consider that your child may not want to change his name.

Give your child your surname

From a legal standpoint, it is much easier if your child has your surname.

If you choose to marry the child's father in the future and wish to share a family name you can easily change the childs surname.

It's uo to you.

Most unmarried mothers I know have given the DC the fathers surname.

I didn't. DS has mine.

If you are unmarried your child should have your surname. Personally I think all DC should have their mother's name, but that is just my opinion.

Your surname, without a doubt.

If you later marry, your partner can change his name to yours so you all have the same name. If that kind of thing matters to you.

If DH and I were not married, any children we had would have my name. That would be non-negotiable for me.

Since we are married, we debated flipping a coin. Ultimately we decided my name for girls and his name for boys.

If he wants the kid to have his name he can commit properly to you both. Until then, nope, kid gets your last name.

When I had children we were not married and living in the UK.

We both had difficult to pronounce foreign surnames so changed both our surnames by Statutory Declaration to the same surname, one that sounds British and our children were then given that name when they were born.

If you’re not married ALWAYS give your child your last name.

DS has DPs surname, this is down to the fact that I was married before and had taken my EX husbands name and never changed it.

So it made no sense for the 3 of us to have different surnames legally. However looking back on it, I would of made sure I changed my name back and then had DS take my name.

I am in the same position. Baby will have both our surnames and no hyphen in between. Baby can choose as an adult to continue to adopt both or one name. If they feel that strongly about it they can legally get it changed with my blessing (and money!) I won't change my name nor will I get married. I don't like the idea of being the only person in the family of DP without his name, not that I want it!

If you're not married give DCs your last name. I know so many people who have last names of men they either don't know or actively dislike, because their parents weren't married and the relationship broke down early on in their lives.

I seem to be the only one of a different view but I think babies should have their dads names. I remember actively crying when I was 5 thinking my mum getting married meant she would change my name to that of my stepdads.
I love my surname, it’s my dads, by no means was he perfect but he was human.

LO has her daddies name too, and we aren’t and won’t be married (I personally just never wanted it)

@wonderland18 what's the reason that babies should have their dad's names in your opinion?

@Wonderland18 if the father wants the baby to have his name, he should marry the mother. That's my opinion.

I'd never in a million years give my DCs the surname of a man who has not made a legal commitment to me and the family. Never.

@CodenameVillanelle I just think it’s a nice gesture personally, I don’t mind mums using their names though. DP’s DS has his mother’s surname and not DP’s.

Its totally your call. I am married now but when we had our first we weren't so we decided to give both names. We have since married and we have given all 3 both names. I have kept my own name after getting married to reflect this. My eldest hates the double barreled name & chooses to go by just my surname for everyday.

@edgeofheaven I don’t want to get married so don’t want the legal commitment though. Still totally respect mums keeping their name for their babies but I personally wouldn’t

I don’t want to get married so don’t want the legal commitment though.

Hope you've at minimum double-barrelled.

Mum does all the work carrying and birthing the baby, I don't get why baby gets the father's name after all that.

You give your child your name. Fathers float on through and out of their children’s lives with depressing frequency.

Mine were given their dads name, we intended to marry (and did a couple yrs later) and i wanted to take his name so we all had the same