DS surname when me &DP not married

[EmeraldIsle81]

Hi Mumsnet
What the rules or convention for my DS surname when myself and DP aren't married?

Do people out 2 surnames? Hyphen in between? 2 surnames in birth cert but can DS choose which one to use when he's older?
If DP surname used as a middle name on birth certcan this be changed later if we get married or if DS wants to use his fathers name?

Help please as not git a clue, thanks!! Xx

I gave DD My ex - partners surname, really regret it now. So, obviously, I would say your surname.

I have to carry her birth certificate every time we travel abroad, been questioned a few times. Also my XP is an idiot but that's a whole other thread!

Your surname. If your DP objects, he can marry you.

Unless you're independently wealthy or the higher earner and intend to stay that way (and will be returning to full time work after maternity leave), having a baby with someone without getting married first leaves you incredibly financially vulnerable. I would be getting married at the earliest opportunity.

Your surname

I have never seen such a depressing and pesimistic thread! We're not married and TBF I don't even know if I want to.

If we do get married I would never change my surname (the Home Office won't even let me anyways).

However I do plan to give my baby my citizenship and he needs to take both our surnames (otherwise it would be implied in their legal system that I'm a single mother which I'm not).

The same Home Office rules applied with my exH. Soy DD never had my surname (as he was against it) but travel on my own with her at least a couple of times a year since she was six months. I have never had an issue with border control.

From my experience double barrel. That's the fairest thing to do.

And frankly, all the stuff about ‘if he wants the baby to have his surname, he can marry you’, or wanting ‘to all have the same surname’ is irrelevant. Increasing numbers of women do not arbitrarily change their name because of their marital status, and give their children their surname or both theirs and their husbands’. Our family consists of three people, me DH and DS. We have three different surnames.

I'd give them your name. I didn't as I was engaged to my ex so figured we'd get married but he up and left when baby was 1

although not a complete pain in the ass it can be sometimes when our surnames don't match. Like when I travel I need to take birth certificate to prove I'm his mother (they don't always check but sometimes they do)

And frankly, all the stuff about ‘if he wants the baby to have his surname, he can marry you’, or wanting ‘to all have the same surname’ is irrelevant. Increasing numbers of women do not arbitrarily change their name because of their marital status, and give their children their surname or both theirs and their husbands’.

The reason I made the "you ought to get married then" point is that it completely confounds me that people insist on "tradition" when it favours the man but not when it favours the woman.

So you have women who are not married to their partners, having babies, giving the babies their partners' surname, becoming SAHM to care for the DCs, but without the benefits of marriage. Why? How is this ever better for the woman unless she is independently wealthy?

It's traditional to give a child their dads surname BUT it depends on your relationship really, if really committed (marriage without the legalities basically) then ok, if your relationship isn't as strong I would either double barrel or give yours. There's no rule, the mother chooses if you are not married

@brittlejoys It's not irrelevant. The only way a child should be given the father's surname rather than the mother's is if the parents are married. Personally if I didn't want to change my name upon marriage (which is of course perfectly acceptable) I would still insist on the baby having my surname.

Wasn't married.
Decided to give boys their dad's surname as a lot easier to spell than mine, and his mother was pleased to keep the family name going (his brother had daughters).
Now single and had years of being Mrs exsurname at school, doctors etc. Being questioned when travelling abroad with the boys. It being a bit more difficult to get them bank accounts etc. As having to prove I'm their parent.
Still on balance I don't mind them having their Dad's surname.