If you could go back, what would you do more of in the 2-3 years pre-parenthood?

[BurntOut1]

Myself and partner think we’re about 3 yrs off TTC.

Before then, we’d like to do a couple of big holidays & a few home improvements. We both have stable jobs that we enjoy.

So, all being well, in practical terms, we’ll be ready, but I’m really interested to know what you’d tell your pre-baby self to do to best prepare you for parenthood.

A lot of people we know have already said they’d do more partying hard/enjoying lie ins, but I’m really interesting if there’s anything you’d do emotionally/physically to prepare yourself.

Possibly a weird thread to start, but I’m trying to focus my broody energy into something productive!

Big holidays, tour Europe, get really fit...

Sleep, save a heck of a lot more money as didn't realize how expensive childcare was and avoid frittering on stuff. I'm learning the violin as a mum and wished I did it much earlier.

Lots more sex/romantic type time together and dates as for us that went on hold for a fee years so good to build a good foundation/memories.

Lots of talking about how to handle big things/work/childcare/schools longer term.

Get house how you like it /declutter hugely but not worth expensive new carpets etc (sick/poo). Sort my garden out.

Spend lots of time with friends deepening all those friends and family connections.

Ooooh we'd definitely have had a really good expensive holiday. Always wanted to drive route 66 so probably that. Had more nights out and little nights away.

More staying in bed all day together. Might have started a business.

Loving the replies so far, some are really making me think ...

Holidays of a type that would be a nightmare with kids in tow, eg USA road trip, African safari, walking / cycling in the Alps, trekking in South America, Foodie / wine tour in France, Spain or Italy.

Whatever floats your boat.

Travel, travel, travel....

Travel, travel, travel.

Thinking a little more. I'd have done more stuff for "me" ie I like seeing, craft, art etc I hardly did any of that in the first few years of parenthood.

Saving money
Discussing parenting strategies- make sure you will be on the same page, do some what if type questions.

Make sure you really want to have kids together.

I would get really fit so all being well I could continue to be fit through and after pregnancy.

I would do as much house renovations as possible, much easier pre kids

Go on amazing hols - we safaried in Botswana

Enjoy lazy weekends staying in bed, reading papers

Don't spend too much time and thought in or about work. I had so much more time pre kids but just spent it working. Now I have less time, loads of stuff I want to do/learn/read etc. Wish I'd realised that and done more before the kids (you can still do it after but obv less time). And I changed career path post kids anyway so all the extra work wasn't really worth it!

Sewing that should say! Even now my dh has a pathological fear of the kids treading on needles even though they're old enough to know not to touch them.

Since you asked, I would have kids ASAP like I did do, to 'get it out of the way' sooner (or at least the most demanding part anyway) so that I can have more childfree years later on in life.

But obviously if that's not possible then I think what I would do with my free time would to go and do a course to learn any new skills or hobbies that I might not have time to learn after having kids. e.g. I have a sewing maching and like to sew, I do have time to sew when the kids are in bed, but what I don't have time for is to go on a course to learn how to sew. Teaching myself isn't going brilliantly... Same with learning a foreign language - I now live abroad and finding it really hard to learn the local language as I don't have time to go on a language course right now and I won't until both kids are in school.

So if I could go back I'd set myself up with those skills so that I can enjoy a hobby in the time I do have.

Probably be a bit boring and try to save loads...or blow it on a good holiday!!

Out of interest, how old are you and are you married?

This probably sounds mad, but these are things I never got to do before dd came along
Finish school
Have a sleep over at friends house
Go on holiday with friends
Go out at the weekend
Blow my first wage on crap
Have a lie in.
I did eventually get to do thing's for myself when dd grew up, then went on to have dd2 at 38😂😂

1. one big holiday for the memories, something you wouldn't do with little children. Scrap the other holidays and save the money. Swimming/ballet/music lessons etc are expensive! So are clothes and especially shoes.

2. Save as much money as possible!!!

3. get fit now so you are in as best shape as possible for giving birth (my first was a long labour and I definitely needed good endurance levels)

4. lies ins and also spontaneous date nights even if it's just a lovely evening walk. When children come along you will need babysitters and then all the thought that goes into briefing them and preparing things...

5. talk about things like schooling/discipline/disabilities discovered when they are in the womb etc so you can start to see each other's point of view. Talk about for example three important things to you when you raise a child i.e.we live near the sea so I wanted all mine to have swimming lessons so they could enjoy it

6. read novels now (uninterrupted)

7. appreciate having a wee or a bath in private

8. just asked my DH and he said make love now because you will go through sporadic times (i.e. pregnancy sickness, poorly sleeping children, TIREDNESS etc)

Send nudes

Amazing holidays. Particularly anywhere malarial or zika affected. Multi centre holidays or tours that would be a faff with small children.

Career progression. In my experience the more senior you are the more influence you have over your own hours, etc as you have already proved yourself. And you can afford decent childcare, a cleaner, etc to make life easier. Obviously there are some careers this won't work for.

I really wish Id managed to retrain to a more fmaiky friendly career prekids....

Absolutely agree to travel, even enjoy the airport experience. I used to love the airport, arriving early, getting through security and then relaxing in the bar and browsing the shops. I find travelling a more stressful experience with kids.

@bobstermum that's my dream for when the kids have all flown the nest

Enjoy your time together, go on dates, go to the cinema regularly, eat out and enjoy your drinking while you can lie in at weekends with a hangover. I've given up alcohol as a hangover with kids is just not worth it for me, and I'd get a hangover after a mild night out or a few glasses of wine at home as parenthood is tiring so you're more worn out in general.

I'd have a running away fund saved, sad but sometimes that's reality

This is a very timely thread. We are a few months from ttc now, and have probably ticked a lot of the above boxes, except me getting fit.

That’s top of my list now.

I was incredibly stressed at work and feel a bit annoyed with myself that I did copious amounts of unpaid overtime and didn't spend my time pre-DC travelling more, going for weekends away with friends, cooking and gardening.

@Ginger1982 we are 25 & 26. Not yet married but own a house/pets together. Been together 7yrs so relatively settled. The plan is to get married before kids.

If we had an unplanned pregnancy now we’d both be cool with it, but DP thinks we should live our lives a bit first, and I do agree, despite my screaming ovaries 😂

I am definitely taking note of those saying save save save and have conversations about parenting styles/ childcare expectations before it’s actually happening. I am the higher earner, so some careful planning needed.