Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

This still bothers me - should it? **OP post mentions non-consensual sex - warning added by MNHQ**

28 replies

whatever23 · 01/09/2019 13:36

2.5 weeks after DD was born MIL came to stay. She said she'd hold DD for a bit so I could sleep. I was knackered as had had major blood loss and stitches from the labour and then an infection a new born. I go to go to sleep. DH gets in bed too and starts trying for a cuddle. At first I don't mind the cuddle but then I'm feeling uncomfortable and then he's inside me. It hurts. I manage to get him off me and go and sit with my mother in law in the front room (feet away).

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 01/09/2019 14:17

Are you saying he penetrated you without consent two weeks post partum?

It is fully reasonable to be outraged about being raped at one of the most vulnerable times of your life.

Cherrysoup · 01/09/2019 14:22

Have you had sex since? Is he pestering you?

TaskMistress · 01/09/2019 14:27

He raped you sweetheart and you have every right to feel however you feel about that.
It is not acceptable.
You shouldn't have sex until you are healed 6weeks.

How has he been since?
Can you speak to anyone in real life.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep
Original poster
whatever23 · 01/09/2019 14:41

@Stompythedinosaur he didn't ask for consent no

OP posts:
Original poster
whatever23 · 01/09/2019 14:48

@Stompythedinosaur but married- so I guess he could have just assumed?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/09/2019 14:51

What do you mean "trying for a cuddle". To me this means a hug. Does it mean that to you?

PurpleDaisies · 01/09/2019 14:52

Just to be clear, you were asleep and he had sex with you? You’d never previously told him it was ok to have sex with you when you were asleep?

Original poster
whatever23 · 01/09/2019 14:53

No @Bluntness100 a bit more than that. I struggle to remember exactly what- it went very quickly from hug to sex

OP posts:
Original poster
whatever23 · 01/09/2019 14:55

No @PurpleDaisies I wasn't asleep - I was trying to sleep and he started trying to get me in the mood and then just did it before I could do anything

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/09/2019 14:58

Ok, I mean this gently. But I'm struggling to understand as your words aren't clear.

You say he was "trying for a cuddle" and you were "happy" with this. But a cuddle to you is not just a hug. What was he trying for exactly that you were happy with? This is where you need to be clearer.

People are screaming rape, and uou raise a valid point, that in marriage explicit consent is not often sought, more implied.

I find it very odd he went to bed and tried to have sex with you whilst his mother baby sat. In fact I find it disturbing. But before i shout rape I'm trying to understand what you mean by he was trying for a cuddle and you were happy about it.

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2019 15:00

Op, do you mean foreplay when you say trying for a cuddle?

duffyluth · 01/09/2019 15:06

Your posts are not clear at all, as demonstrated by all the pp asking you to clarify details. Can you start again?

duffyluth · 01/09/2019 15:07

I'm sorry if that came across bluntly, I absolutely didn't mean it to. Rape is a serious crime and you need to be clear and sure about what happened. Ultimately though, you say it still bothers you, so you need to be able to work it through in your head regardless.

PurpleDaisies · 01/09/2019 15:09

I agree, the details of exactly what happened and when, and what was normal for your relationship are really important. I think you’d be much better discussing this with a trained counsellor.

RogueV · 01/09/2019 15:09

I’m sorry OP but I gasped when I read your post Sad

You were 2 months post partum and your DH took advantage of you.

MNHQ
SophieLMumsnet · 01/09/2019 15:10

We're so sorry that you went through this OP Flowers

We just wanted to mention that we've edited the title - just so that folk are aware when clicking on the thread.

Span1elsRock · 01/09/2019 15:14

OP if you feel any pain, I'd strongly advise seeking medical help. You will still be sore and bruised, and he may have done some damage.

He's a shit. But then you know that Sad

AmIThough · 01/09/2019 15:19

I'm sorry OP.

How long ago was this? Have you discussed it with him?

I'm not surprised it still bothers you, he penetrated you without your permission when you'd just given birth! Disgusting man.

tenredthings · 01/09/2019 15:28

Yes it should bother you a lot. He raped you when you'd just given birth showing a total disregard for your physical and emotional well-being.

LatteLove · 01/09/2019 15:30

My god that is fucking vile. Your post makes me want to weep for you, you poor thing x

Your husband has no respect for your body and is a rapist. My god.

Rarrrrrr · 01/09/2019 15:57

People are screaming rape, and uou raise a valid point, that in marriage explicit consent is not often sought, more implied.

I find it very odd he went to bed and tried to have sex with you whilst his mother baby sat. In fact I find it disturbing. But before i shout rape I'm trying to understand what you mean by he was trying for a cuddle and you were happy about it.

You’d never previously told him it was ok to have sex with you when you were asleep?

Why are posters asking for clarifcations? Hmm

FFS it doesn't matter if the OP had a marriage where one NEVER need ask for consent or had signed a contract saying it was OK to shag her while she was sleeping. Why the weird follow up questions.

On this occasion she was15 days post partum, had still healing wounds and consent was needed.

Fuck me.

Rarrrrrr · 01/09/2019 16:00

OP, I hope that this isn't real and you are trolling because it really saddens me that anyone might think this is normal, ever. It really isn't .

I had sex around two weeks after my first birth, I had no stitches a normal birth andmy dh was terrrified. As he should be. He watched me push a human out of my vagina and was scared to hurt me.. I had to practically beg for it.

Rarrrrrr · 01/09/2019 16:06

I agree, the details of exactly what happened and when, and what was normal for your relationship are really important. I think you’d be much better discussing this with a trained counsellor.

What is "normal" in her relationship is not relevant, as this is not a normal situation. I assume you don't have children or you'd realise what her body is going through right now, and how inappropriate your ill informed comments are.

putputput · 01/09/2019 18:29

You were 2 weeks postpartum, with stitches and an infection??

Your husband is vile. I think rape crisis has a helpline. They will be able to give you some good advice.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 01/09/2019 18:41

I'm so sorry OP, I can't believe anyone would think this an ok thing to do. Is he normally loving but thick as mince or is he an abusive, rapey arsehole?

Swipe left for the next trending thread