Back to school! I'm so stressed

[RoyalCat]

I've never posted on here but I am so stressed

Son aged 13 (has asd and anxiety) hasn't been to school since December 2017. Since he was in year 7. He got ill at the end of the first term and then never attended for the rest of the year. He never attended in year 8 except a week in Feb in my partners car (my oh is a teacher and had Feb half term off but my son is in a special school so his school had it the week before). It was stressful because we had to find ways to take him to places first and then to school. Like the first day it was the dentist as he had an appointment. The Tuesday we took him to watch the buses and then to school. The Wednesday he refused because he realised our plan. The Thursday he was refusing but then wanted to go to McDonald's so we took him and then to school. And the Friday he went to watch the buses and then McDonald's then the school.

The school don't have anything else to suggest and education have threatened to give us a fine because he is not attending.

And have even suggested my partner use force (he isn't his biological dad but treats son like his own and son calls him dad as his dad isn't on the scene and partner had been in his life since he was about 7).

Partner has now quit his job and is going to work from home so if need be he can be here to drive him in or stay with him so I can go back to uni my son has a taxi though.

He's going back to school this week and I know he will probably have a meltdown. Or not to at all

😞😞

This morning we managed to get him to go but he had a meltdown and when we got him in the taxi he kept taking his seat belt off so we gave him the choice OHs car or taxi and he chose OHs car but he didn't do much work (mainly looked at pictures) but at least he was there and he got the taxi on the way home. But he is saying "no school on Thursday"

That is great he went and I hope today is going OK. The school really needs to be creating a solid support plan for him .Make sure they do. Don't let him get abandoned by the school.

Have you considered a different school?

He went in again today in the taxi. Although he wasn't doing any proper work again. But he's saying no school tomorrow again. This morning we had tears but not a meltdown

That sounds good. Don't worry about 'proper work' - he just needs to focus on the routine of going and being happy there. Make sure you tell him how proud you are that he went.

The headteacher that messaged me to let me know how he got on and what he did said she went into class and he seemed happy and she went into him at lunch (he doesn't go into the hall) and he said hello.

The school let him finish at 2.50 so he can get into the taxi before everyone else comes out.

We told him if he went tomorrow we would take him to McDonald's on Saturday because he will have gone for 3 days

As the mother of two school refusers (one with ASD, both with anxiety and depression) you have my upmost sympathy. I know how hard it is, I've had years of it. We withdrew my NT daughter after a year of school refusal to home educate her and it was the best thing we could have done at the time, by far. If it hadn't been for GCSEs I'd have done the same for my other daughter too. As it was the school arranged for a home tutor and she did her GCSEs at school.

You need to talk with the school and agree a way forward.