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Original poster

How do you stop hating someone?

32 replies

Goodnightjude1 · 28/08/2019 19:09

I know there’s no ‘magic cure’ but does anyone have any tips on how to stop hating someone?? When I say hate....I really mean HATE. This person is the most selfish, self centred, entitled person I’ve ever had the misfortune to know 😡

How do I make them irrelevant?? I don’t have to physically see or speak to this person but their actions affect me and my family on a weekly basis. This persons sense of superiority gives me the rage!!!

But I’m wasting my energy stressing about them and it’s doing my head in!!!

Help!

OP posts:

Nonstopbuttmachine · 28/08/2019 19:22

You just have to feel sorry for them. If their life is so selfish and entitled then they obviously need professional help.

Also, tell yourself that they are never happy.

Nonstopbuttmachine · 28/08/2019 19:30

People like that are never happy. They live in a little bubble of hatred and resentment; they wake up every morning and feel that way.

AddisonForbesMontgomery · 28/08/2019 19:33

Is it possible for you to forgive them? It sounds like it’s an ongoing issue, so I’ll admit this is probably the least practical option, but I know for me when I hated someone (really hated them down to the core of my being, for something they had done and I had to see them daily) forgiveness was the only way I could let go of the negative, draining energy that hate brings with it.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 28/08/2019 19:57

Find out what their particular wound is, and have a bloody good laugh about it. The worst of my bullies at school has a physical condition that means his children almost certainly aren't his. Now, he may have used a donor, but given his character I very much doubt it. Also, he has been fined and sued by public and private bodies, simply because he has to have the last word. Tee hee.

Woodlandwitch · 28/08/2019 20:02

Sounds very similar to someone in my life too who I am also trying not to hate but find it very hard not to

Original poster

Goodnightjude1 · 28/08/2019 20:07

It’s exhausting isn’t it?! 😩

I don’t even want to forgive them....I just want them to become irrelevant and vanish from my thought process! Meh....

OP posts:

willloman · 28/08/2019 20:22

Just remember you only have to deal with them occasionally and can leave the room; they have to live with themselves 24/7!

SinglePringle · 28/08/2019 20:27

Firstly, recognise that your feeling about them are specific to you. Others see the good in this person. Hating them will not change that and you have to accept that because it’s true.

Remember that your feelings about them do not affect them in any way at all. They laugh at your fury. Do you really want to give them that power?

Ambivalence is power.

Pinkblueberry · 28/08/2019 20:28

I don’t think you need to forgive - I think you just need to try and feel nuetral or ambivalent, like they don’t even matter enough to forgive. The thing to remember is that feeling of hatred only really effects you - they can’t feel it. So it’s not a very useful emotion in the long run. Be kind to yourself by letting it go - think of all the better thought and emotions you can make room for! l think it can sometimes feel like these emotions are hanging on to us and we need to shake them off, when really we’re holding on and what we need to do is let go.

IceIceCoffee · 28/08/2019 20:29

I am struggling too op.
I just can’t let it go. It’s harming me more now .

User12563356 · 28/08/2019 20:31

Pity them. Thats what I do. It takes away the anger.

Sleephead1 · 28/08/2019 20:53

My personal view is spending time hating someone only hurts you. It's a negative emotion that can become poisinous It doesn't effect or bother them in anyway and they will have their own views and perception on the situation. You can only control your behaviour not theirs

Sammysquiz · 28/08/2019 22:13

Do they know how you feel? I hate someone like this & I think part of the reason is because I’m cross that they don’t know how entitled, patronising and judgemental they are.

But I’m way too wimpy to have it out with them

SinglePringle · 28/08/2019 23:29

Also, on a practical level, allow and give yourself just 10 mins per day to ruminate and fester. It’s the same principle for getting over a lost love; ‘I won’t allow myself to think of that now, but I will for 15 mins at bastard o’clock and by gum, I’m gonna enjoy those 15 mins’.

You reduce the time allowed / discover you are no longer thinking of them during the day. You still get you moment to indulge but you’re controlling it and not allowing the feelings to take over your every moment.

springydaff · 29/08/2019 01:14

Pray? Doesn't have to be to a religious god, can be to the power of love, or goodness...

I recently had to pray about a longstanding hatred (truly appalling harm that has had a huge impact on my life and future). It had got to such a pitch it was starting to alarm me.

So I prayed - please take this away, I can't do it myself. I saw the person a few weeks later and we had to exchange an item. Something happened at the exchange - no words spoken (the item practically thrown at me - and snatched by me lol). I can't explain what it was but something broke.

I spent the whole day with this person recently. The harm is still there but, somehow (and for now), the hatred has gone.

AddisonForbesMontgomery · 29/08/2019 06:03

For me forgiveness meant I could truly become indifferent to the individual I hated, I still have to see them regularly but now. I barely even pay them attention, I sometimes get a moment of “oh they’re there” because I’m that oblivious,

Hate is exhausting and you need to protect yourself, forgiveness may not be the way for you, but I know for me, focussing on what was bad about this person or what had gone wrong for them, only fed the hate - I enjoyed seeing them suffer and the hate I felt enjoyed it too,I found doing something positive instead of looking for the negative was the only way I could get past the hate.

Atropa · 29/08/2019 07:03

The best revenge is a happy life. You don't need to do anything other than concentrate on making yourself happy. The hatred will pass once you occupy your mind with positivity about your own life.

Chitarra · 29/08/2019 07:06

Grey rock technique. Just let everything they say and do run off you like water off a duck's back.

mirrormirrorlookatme · 29/08/2019 07:07

People see in others what's most common in themselves

SoyDora · 29/08/2019 07:15

People see in others what's most common in themselves

some people will find any way possible to put down the OP.

Milkstick · 29/08/2019 07:26

It might help to think of it as, they aren't putting this effort into their thoughts about you. Your hate is aimed at them but it has nowhere to go so it just stays with you. I think hate existed historically as a way to get us to perform actions to get rid of a threat to us or our kin, similar to the way stress is designed to fuel action. Is it helpful to see it as an out of date process, and agree with yourself that it's getting you nothing? Also maybe using a mindfulness technique where you notice yourself doing 'a hate' and just note it mentally. Don't try and hold it back or suppress it. Sometimes that makes it stronger too. Just observe yourself and see whether there are any triggers for focusing on those particular thoughts. Where they arise, where they lead to.

IdahoGreen · 29/08/2019 07:29

I think there is something in the idea that when we hate someone, it’s because they remind us of something we dislike/are uncomfortable about in our own personality, mostly unconsciously.

But that’s no help to the OP. I say relax into hating this person, OP. Get a voodoo doll.

Jesaminecollins · 29/08/2019 07:34

@Goodnightjude1

Can you get hold of a lock of their hair?

If you can make doll out of plasticine attach the hair and then wrap string around it and stick pins in it - this has worked for me in the past.

Ounce · 29/08/2019 07:44

It might help if instead of hating this person because they are 'selfish, self-centred and entitled ', you took a leaf out of their book and became a bit more self-centred yourself. Turn your gaze less on them and more on you.

weaselwords · 29/08/2019 08:02

Use the energy from your hate of them to ensure that your life is how you want it to be. When you find yourself ruminating on them, turn it round and look at how you can improve things for you. Then one day, everything will be going great for you and you won’t give a toss about them.

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