How do you stop hating someone?

[Goodnightjude1]

I know there’s no ‘magic cure’ but does anyone have any tips on how to stop hating someone?? When I say hate....I really mean HATE. This person is the most selfish, self centred, entitled person I’ve ever had the misfortune to know 😡

How do I make them irrelevant?? I don’t have to physically see or speak to this person but their actions affect me and my family on a weekly basis. This persons sense of superiority gives me the rage!!!

But I’m wasting my energy stressing about them and it’s doing my head in!!!

Help!

Me too, op and @IceIceCoffee
It’s the former OW, and I can’t ignore her. She’s often on the radio, in the papers and sometimes on tv. Helpful “friends” like to tell me when that’s happened. She’s power and fame crazed and I have decades of this to come. It eats me up.

remember you're giving the other person power by hating them, the power keeping you trapped in a negative thought pattern. Hatred is a bit of an obsession, sometimes continually retraining your thoughts onto happier topics can help.

I thought I'd never stop hating a certain person I felt had badly let me down and then over time I gradually managed to minimise the number of thoughts and felt better. Part of the hatred was wanting the approval of the 'superior' person and frustration that I was never going to get it. Can you look into other ways to get approval/validation too and focus on that?

there are a lot of answers here about people not being able to stop thinking about the hated person - but you are in charge of your own thoughts, I know the thoughts about x person pop into your head frequently but distract yourself, consciously pull it back and do something absorbing or think about something else, stay mindful and present to your day to day life. It can be done - you are not locked into having to think about them.

They aren't worth your energy. Be thankful that you don't have to be that person.

Keeping the hate going means they still have control and influence over you. You want that to go as you said you want them to be irrelevant. So make them irrelevant. Each time you think of them or feel the rage you tell yourself they are not worth your efforts and they don't matter. Keep reinforcing this, turn your hate into irrelevance by purposefully questioning and realigning your thoughts on the person. They are pathetic, they are nothing to you, getting rid of them is you getting control back. Keep doing this and eventually it works!

My friend felt like this about someone and she went to a counsellor and the thing that help her was this thought

"Hating someone is like holding a piece of hot coal, you are the only one being hurt"

I know it sounds a bit meh but she said it def helped her visualise the hate and made her stop her doing it when the feelings arose

I agree with just having to “drown out” the feels. Bit like food or cigarette cravings. You need to regcognise the thought/feeling and then actively dismiss it.
I can just about see my Nemesis without feeling very angry and bitter but it’s taken years. She also doesn’t actually impact my life in any way now which helps ( also OW). Part of the anger wanting other people to see what a horror she is but actual no one will really get it. So sharing it doesn’t achieve much.
(I secretly love the voodoo doll approach too...)