Advice needed! Monthly allowance for a 14yo

[AlexaShutUp]

I want to start giving my dd a regular monthly allowance so that she can start learning to manage her money effectively. She does currently save most of her pocket money in any case, but I still buy a lot of stuff for her, and we both agree that it's time for that to change.

We have therefore agreed that I'll give her a monthly allowance to cover the following:

All clothes (except school uniform)
All shoes and accessories
All toiletries including shampoo and conditioner but not toothpaste etc
All sanitary towels/tampons etc
All gifts for her friends/family
All books (except for any needed for school)
All stationery
All socialising/entertainment costs
All optional travel costs (e.g. if she chooses to get a bus into the nearest city)
General savings

I will continue to pay directly for any school stuff and for any extra-curricular activities as her hobby is quite expensive!

We are in a comfortable financial position and can afford to be reasonably generous, but I do want her to learn to budget so don't want to give her too much. I'll probably start off with an amount and then suggest we review it in 6 months.

She is 14 and going into year 10. Very sensible and mature for her age. She may look for a part time job to supplement her allowance, and I'd be supportive of that. She tends to spend most of her money at the moment on gifts for friends/family and on going to the cinema/nandos with her friends.

All suggestions/comments welcome.

I’m considering doing this for dd and I though £100 would probably be about right. She’s got a phone - £28 a month and a club £15 a month so there wouldn’t be that much left for everything else.

I would still pay for all toiletries and sanitary products and help with travel costs but the rest seems reasonable. How much are you intending to give her per month as that may make a difference to expectations.

I did £60 a month but paid for toiletries etc not make up

I would still pay for period products, they are not a treat and she’s still a child. Parents should 100% be paying for them.

Also who makes a child buy shampoo etc, some parents on here are really harsh! Surely you just buy toothpaste, shower gel etc for the family

By your own admission your ok for money yet don’t even buy the child a tampon, why?

How much are you intending to give her per month as that may make a difference to expectations.

Sorry, that was supposed to be my question! How much do people think would be reasonable?

DS1 is almost 14 and gets £20 a week not including his phone, toiletries or clubs. He saves most, spends it wisely and doesn't fritter it away, so I let him get on with it.

It does sound as though you're expecting her to pay a lot of costs, though, so could you sit down with her and work out what each section on your list will cost in an average month and go from there with a little extra thrown in for treats if you're feeling generous?

My Dad has separate bank accounts for the DC and has always put money in for their Christmas and Birthdays. He also always matches their savings, so if DS1 puts in £50 my dad will put in another £50. DH and I then do the same, and it really encourages DS to save as he can see that by shoving £50 into an account he's actually earning far more than he would just leaving it in his current account.

Actually, the shampoo/conditioner and sanitary products are being included at her request. She said that she wants to include stuff that is necessary because she wants to learn how to budget. I will have spare stuff if she runs out.

I will also continue to pay for her (sim only) phone contract.

I have started to give my 13 year old DD the family allowance, £82:80 from memory.

However, I buy her uniform and school shoes, pay for her phone, school lunches and extra curricular activities, toiletries/sanitary towels come on the Ocado shop.

This is just for casual clothes other than uniform, books, stationery, whatever else she might want including socialising, bus fares (once a month), gifts for friends.

Knowing her she will save £30 a month at least.

Does she find clothes, shoes, accessories import to her?
At that age my DS would have spent money on trainers but not clothes so much if it meant not affording a new game. He wasn’t into phones either but spent money on socialising.
£50 a week but I may be totally out of touch.

And yes, I realise that I'll be expecting her to pay for a lot, but she has specifically asked for this level of responsibility. That's why I'm trying to work out a monthly amount that is fair, but I won't let her go without essentials if she messes up.

This isn't about me being mean, it's about giving her an opportunity to develop useful life skills.

Should have mentioned that she tends to get quite a lot of vouchers for Christmas/birthdays, usually Amazon/clothes shops.

I'd continue to buy her usual toiletries and san pro as I would just bung them in the supermarket trolley in the weekly shop and not expect a 14 yo to go to the shops for those things.

But watching with interest as DS has just asked for an allowance....

I paid mobile
Toiletries
Bus pass
Anything school related
Everything else the Dds paid out of £80 a month spends.
It was paid straight into their account in the 1st of every month.
Dd1 blew hers in 3 days on the first month.
Once she realised she actually had no money and I would not give anymore it never happened again 😀

She loves clothes and trainers. Not into gaming at all. Not too obsessed with phones or the latest gadgetry. As I said, most of her cash at the moment goes on socialising/presents for people. She is a generous little soul.

I will still be paying for school lunches.

Only you really know - sit down with this list and add up fixed costs that you know eg sanpro = x per month, then think about what you would be happy got her to spend on other options. It will completely depend on your idea of acceptable costs and what stuff costs where you are. For instance here a bus to the nearest shopping centre would be a £10 but else where that might cover 4/5 journeys worth

I used to give my son the family allowance money at this age, I think it was about £80. I bought his uniform, school shoes etc, he bought everything else. I also paid for his SIM and contact lenses.

I tried to do this when DD was 16 excepting the toiletries, but to be honest the amount it came was more than I felt comfortable with her having to completely manage herself, e.g. a pair of trainers can easily be £80+, which I don't begrudge, but I don't want the trainer budget always completely spent on eyelash implants and acrylic nails which is an option my DD might well follow. Also didn't want her to be permanently in horrors from boohoo and little mistress which are tempting if they are budgeting hard!

In the end I give her £100 a month into her account, plus £25 a week cash for lunches, plus carried on paying phone contract then all car costs once she could drive. I tend to give her a bit of money here and there so if she goes out for example on a planned lunch with friends I might give her £10/£15 contribution depending on where she is going. We also discuss big needs and I ultimately pay for stuff like trainers. I resist the temptation to always step in and pay for everything as it defeats the object. DD also works in a restaurant. I think she mostly spends her tips and saves her wages plus my £100 anyway!

Things like tampax, makeup wipes, shampoo, cotton wool are just on the ocado order.

Growing up my parents gave me an allowance of £200 pm to cover basically everything you said

Pay for school shoes and a decent jacket or coat. Work it out from what you think she should buy and some over for spending.

This is one of those open ended questions isn't it? Exactly how indulgent are you ?

I had boys, one broadly shopped in Sports Direct at her age, one shopped in Hollister etc and one really has no interest about clothes. How much clothing is she expected to buy? Does this include things like winter coast (£30 in Ada or £500 odd for Canada Goose?) - underwear £6 a bra in Primark or £40 in M&S?

Well I'd take out the sanitary stuff and toiletries. Are you expecting her to make special trips to get shampoo and soap? So that seems completely overkill to me.

For the rest, I'd look to give £120 a month I think. I can only base this on my own feelings and our financial position but that is something I'd be comfortable with

All shoes is also overkill. As is all clothes. Can't you buy the basics of underwear, jeans, basic tops, shoes and trainers and she picks up the 'wants?'

I mean, she needs a coat. It's not reasonable for her to pay for that. She may then fancy another coat in purple - it's reasonable for her to pay for that

I would say £25 per week - but please buy her period stuff, she may try and scrimp on them and that could lead to smells etc and bullying. Shampoo conditioner if she's happy using the big bog standard family bottle i would still pay for but if shes got a liking to the expensive stuff she should pay.
I would keep an open dialog too so if she messes up one week she can talk to you about it

Ah reading your follow up comments perhaps £30 a week to allow her to buy her necessities

I think I'd be tempted to break it down and say give her £100 for most of the items, save a set amount for her that she could add to if she has any spare and give her a seperate amount when she needs expensive items of clothing like shoes or costs.

I’d say £80-£100 per month, but suggest she keeps a cash book so you can both see where the money goes, and if it’s not enough then increase it. Plan to increase it slightly each year anyway.

My parents used to buy me school things, winter coat and winter boots. These days I guess trainers might come into that category.

Surprised she wants to include san pro, definitely keep backups and make sure she knows it! For shampoo etc I’d keep the basics in anyway but if she wants something fancy, she pays for it.