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Original poster

Advice needed! Monthly allowance for a 14yo

54 replies

AlexaShutUp · 26/08/2019 13:30

I want to start giving my dd a regular monthly allowance so that she can start learning to manage her money effectively. She does currently save most of her pocket money in any case, but I still buy a lot of stuff for her, and we both agree that it's time for that to change.

We have therefore agreed that I'll give her a monthly allowance to cover the following:

All clothes (except school uniform)
All shoes and accessories
All toiletries including shampoo and conditioner but not toothpaste etc
All sanitary towels/tampons etc
All gifts for her friends/family
All books (except for any needed for school)
All stationery
All socialising/entertainment costs
All optional travel costs (e.g. if she chooses to get a bus into the nearest city)
General savings

I will continue to pay directly for any school stuff and for any extra-curricular activities as her hobby is quite expensive!

We are in a comfortable financial position and can afford to be reasonably generous, but I do want her to learn to budget so don't want to give her too much. I'll probably start off with an amount and then suggest we review it in 6 months.

She is 14 and going into year 10. Very sensible and mature for her age. She may look for a part time job to supplement her allowance, and I'd be supportive of that. She tends to spend most of her money at the moment on gifts for friends/family and on going to the cinema/nandos with her friends.

All suggestions/comments welcome.

OP posts:
hellhavenofury · 26/08/2019 14:55

But what if she ran out of money and needed say sanitary products?? You would obviously pay for them and she knows that haha!

Original poster
AlexaShutUp · 26/08/2019 16:14

Thanks for all of the comments, really appreciate all of the input.

If she ran out of money and needed sanitary products, then yes, she knows that I'd help her out. However, she is very invested in being able to manage her money effectively, so I don't think she'll just spend recklessly, it just isn't in her nature. And if she does mess up somehow, that will be a learning experience.

Good idea to get her to record what she has spent and where. I'm guessing there's probably an app for that.

I understand why people are suggesting that I cover her "needs" while her allowance covers her "wants", but that's sort of how we have been managing stuff to date. However, she really wants to take a bit more responsibility for stuff now, and I think she is capable of managing her money wisely, so I'd like to give her a chance. Obviously, I won't let her go without essentials. We have a really good relationship, so I think she will keep talking to me about how things are going.

I'm leaning towards around £100 per month at the moment, but will keep under review.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 26/08/2019 16:20

Dd’s weekly budget is as follows -

Pocket money £10 (age 14 she got £7
Toiletries £5
Books/Clothes £10

We pay her phone & basic toiletries eg soap, toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo but if she wants fancy scented ones etc she buys them herself.

Interested in this thread?

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14 year olds Families Secondary education
kaytee87 · 26/08/2019 16:22

How much do people think would be reasonable?

How long is a piece of string? How much is spent on all of that just now?

scotwood · 26/08/2019 16:24

I gave mine £20 a month at that age. I didn't expect her to budget for toiletries or anything like that though, there is no need to separate teenagers from the family like that. I also still bought her clothes, I don't think 14 year olds need a huge budget to encompass all you have in your OP. Just give her an allowance for spends and you do the rest.

scotwood · 26/08/2019 16:25

I missed that she has asked for this. I'm afraid I would say no. She doesn't need to learn to budget for everything in her life. She can learn to budget her day to day spending while you still pay for her shampoo.

Original poster
AlexaShutUp · 26/08/2019 16:29

Fair enough, scotwood. I understand your point of view but I'm inclined to let her have a go. I don't see it as separating her from the rest of the family. I just see it as letting her take a bit of responsibility. We all use different shampoo in our house anyway.Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexaShutUp · 26/08/2019 16:31

kaytee I haven't tracked spending on these things specifically, so the honest answer is that I don't know!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 26/08/2019 16:37

@AlexaShutUp I'd maybe track spending this month so you know a fair amount to set next month. Get your daughter involved in noting how much is spent this month.

Original poster
AlexaShutUp · 26/08/2019 16:40

Thanks kaytee, that's a good idea. Part of the problem is that our spending isn't the same from one month to the next.

OP posts:
ourkidmolly · 26/08/2019 16:40

I think it's pointless getting her to buy half of that. Surely she just won't and then you'll have to pick up the slack. Like it's not exciting to buy tampax? I think it's like loo paper tbh. Should be supplied. Same as essential toiletries.

purpleboy · 26/08/2019 16:47

I think your doing the best thing for her. So many parents don't bother to teach their children to budget and it's a very hard lesson when you have no choice but to pay your bills but you haven't left enough for toiletries or often food!
She wants the responsibility which is half the battle won, she sounds very sensible and imo all parents should be helping their children to understand finances, this is a great way to start doing that.

Comefromaway · 26/08/2019 17:02

The compromise we found (& dd went away to college at 16 so she had to learn to budget early) was to provide sanitary items and generic toiletries eg Sanex/Simple shower gel butto allow her £5 per week for fancy moisturisers, make up and bubblegum smelling shower gel/body butters.

The same with clothes. Uniform & basics (underwear, jeans, t shirts a winter coat and a smart outfit) were provided but extra fashion items were bought from a £10 per week budget.

Original poster
AlexaShutUp · 26/08/2019 17:07

Thanks purple. I work with young people and I'm well aware that many struggle with basic budgeting skills. I think it's too late for kids to start learning this when they've already left home. DD and I have discussed this over the years, which is why I think she's keen to take on the responsibility.

I get that people think she'll just ignore the boring stuff like sanitary products, and spend all of her money on fun stuff instead, but I know my daughter and I don't think so. She takes great pride in being competent and sensible, and I don't think she'll want to mess up. Of course, if she does, I'll help out, but I don't think she will.

OP posts:
stoneysongs · 26/08/2019 17:11

DD (13) gets £50 per month. I pay for uniform / toiletries / clubs. She was so excited when we started this way of doing things - first day the money came through she spent £45 in hobbycraft Grin

wherehavealltheflowersgone · 26/08/2019 17:16

My DS (13) gets £30 a month to spend on socialising; I still pay for gym membership, phone, all clothes and toiletries,

scotwood · 26/08/2019 17:20

I would be concerned it lead to her worrying about not being able to afford things, which really isn't a worry i would want a 14 yo to have.

Say you give her £100 a month:

So month 1 she buys her toiletries etc £10

She goes into town and has lunch one day £20

She wants to go swimming bus fare etc £15

So that's £45 gone, she has filled 2 Saturdays and she still needs to buy her clothes and shoes, gifts for people birthday/Christmas; and you said you would expect her to save as well. If she wants books or stationery that's even more.

I suggest it's too much responsibility because it may lead her to fret over being able to afford things, and worry isn't a teacher.

PegasusReturns · 26/08/2019 17:26

DD14 gets £100 a month for clothes/makeup/ going out.

I buy:

basic toiletries (sanitary stuff, shampoo conditioner, razors, cleanser) if she wants something fancy then she can pay or pinch off me

Anything school related including travel & lunch card

Essential clothes (underwear, jeans if she's grown out)

Clubs etc.

She pays for non essential clothes e.g. I buy her underwear from M&S if she wants hollister stuff she pays and going out. Presents for friends.

Occasionally I'll give her an extra £20 if she's going to meet with friends and she's short. Whilst I'm keen for her to learn the value of money I don't want her to exclude herself unnecessarily.

PegasusReturns · 26/08/2019 17:27

I don't think £100 is enough if you want her to pay for everything.

elephantoverthehill · 26/08/2019 17:28

I give my Dd £80 per month. It covers her clubs, out of school clothes, although I do often buy for her, travel to school and back I teach at the school so there is always a lift available but she may have to wait. School dinners there is always plenty of packed lunch stuff at home. And as previously mentioned 'fancy' toiletries. I do buy much of the sanpro stuff as it easy just to throw it in the trolley.

RippleEffects · 26/08/2019 17:37

I think id turn the tables and get her to produce a budget and then assess it over the month/ coming months If she wants to learn it can be lesson no.1.

I'd be a bit concerned about her generous nature. Its important that the sudden access to regular chunks of money doesn't make her feel pressurised to support/ help out/ be manipulated by others.

Original poster
AlexaShutUp · 26/08/2019 18:24

Ripple, that's a genius idea! I'm going to get her to produce a budget and we'll take it from there. Smile

OP posts:
Fairylea · 26/08/2019 18:32

With dd aged 16 she gets £10 a week but we pay her mobile (£19 a month) and basic stuff - so toiletries including sanitary stuff / face wash etc etc, and basic clothes. If she has a big night out with her friends for a birthday we give her enough extra to cover it. However we want to encourage her to get a part time job (her friends have jobs, we live in a small town and there are weekend jobs etc) so we don’t make her particularly comfortable financially! I think it’s a balanced between giving them enough and encouraging them to want to earn their own money as they get older. We are quite a low income family so we can’t just give her endless cash.

Fairylea · 26/08/2019 18:34

I should add she has quite a lot of good gadgets etc because of gifts so she has an iPad Pro and an iPhone 7 etc and various bits and bobs so she’s not doing too badly!

Wiltshirelass2019 · 26/08/2019 18:34

Get her to do some jobs around the house for it. It’s good that you want her to learn to manage money but even better if you can teach her that she must work for her money x