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Original poster

A holiday AIBU. Please be gentle!

42 replies

confusedofengland · 25/08/2019 22:35

Posting this here as I am not brave enough for AIBU, so please be gentle, even if I am U Grin

DH & I are away with our 3 Dses, all primary school age. We have come camping for 4 nights & will have 3 days at destination. Destination is near a theme park & also 20 mins from where his childhood best friend lives- DC & I are also friends with them, but not to the same extent as DH.

We have been to theme park today, (was mostly him on big rides with DS10 & me with 1 or both other Dses), were going on walk/relaxing tomorrow, then theme park on Tuesday with above friends. Now DH has had a message from friend suggesting we meet up tomorrow for different walk & tea room, as well as theme park next day. I have said I am not keen as was looking forward to tomorrow as family time & seeing friends next day. Also would like to discover things our way rather than being shown plus they walk further & quicker than us. DH got very stroppy about this & has gone to bed in a huff, saying he doesn't get why I don't want to see them, we see my lot more & I'm a kill joy. So I suggested he ask them to our campsite for dinner & play/chat, but he said it's boring & too late if we're up early next day for theme park. He also wants to visit his parents on way home, although he saw them 4/7 full days last week & will again next Saturday, at least. This was not in original plan, he suggested it on drive up here.

For background: we live near my family (same village as my parents) but don't see them every week, as we're all busy. We went on holiday with them for 4 days earlier this month (but haven't seen them since), also camping for 3 days with my friends but we took 1 day to ourselves. We also went camping with his friends (above) in late May for 3 nights & he sees him when they go to football matches for pre-match pint. So doesn't see him loads but roughly once a month/6 weeks? Distance is 3 hours drive. He sees his parents roughly every 2 weeks for full weekends in school hols, but once school term starts is trickier as he never has full day free & is 2.5 hour drive.

I really want to get family time now as once school starts back, DH will be working again plus doing football with just DS1 for half of Saturday & half of Sunday every week, so we won't have much time as a 5 until October half term.

I guess it makes me sad to think he'd rather spend time with friends than just as a 5, but he says I'm being silly. I know he expects that I'll change my mind. He hasn't yet replied to friend's message.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LemonAddict · 25/08/2019 22:40

YANBU.

Gone to bed in a huff? What a baby. Get up tomorrow and tell him to grow up, go about your day as originally planned. You’re seeing the friends the day after.

RicStar · 25/08/2019 22:41

I think he just doesnt want to say no to his friends - which can be a hard thing to do. He feels it is easier to meet up than say no we have plans for a family day and I dont think he thinks it makes much difference to the plans if you do meet up. If I was in his position I think I would feel the same. I dont think that you are unreasonable to want family time but I think him and his friends see this as a friend break which is different to family alone holiday.

EatenByDinosaurs · 25/08/2019 22:51

God no, YADNBU. Stick to your original plan.

Ffs, stropping off to bed because he can't have his own way, how old is he?! Hmm

Original poster
confusedofengland · 26/08/2019 08:05

Glad a few agree with me! Will see how this develops now we've both slept on it!

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedofengland · 26/08/2019 08:24

He's not backing down Sad Wants to meet them at 3, saying that means we'll have 'most of the day' as a family day. We've only just got up! Ideally I would like the whole day for just us, but I don't see it happening now. Gutted SadSadSad

OP posts:
username678889 · 26/08/2019 08:37

It's a compromise meeting at 3 isn't it you've most of the day together.
I get your annoyed that won't spend the whole day as a family but still it's most of the day .

Theimpossiblegirl · 26/08/2019 08:39

3 is OK, why not have a bbq at your campsite so you can relax a bit more. Let dh host.

Zampa · 26/08/2019 08:40

Friends and family are obviously important to you both and there shouldn't be a tally chat if who sees who when and for how long, unless there's an obvious imbalance.

3pm seems like a sensible compromise.

Windydaysuponus · 26/08/2019 08:46

Does he need reassurance off everyone that he is fab and you don't adore him sufficiently??? He is a knob...
Have the day with dc yourself.
His loss, the plank.....

BarrenFieldofFucks · 26/08/2019 08:53

3 seems like a good compromise tbh.

Azeema · 26/08/2019 08:55

How often DH see his childhood best friend? You did not say this.
Has it been years and years? Are you on holiday in different country?
If the best friend far away and rare to see, then I think be flexible and not insist on sticking to original plan. Their suggestion was at least a “relax/walk” thing which you said you wanted to do anyway. If they locals, may be great place to do that.

PapaShango · 26/08/2019 08:57

You suggested they have dinner with you anyway, his is a god compromise. Have them over at 3, have an early dinner and then send them on their way. You still get plenty of family time. Stop making something out of nothing

katewhinesalot · 26/08/2019 09:00

We always tried to fit in one holiday just as us, to reconnect as a nuclear family, because most of our breaks involve others. I think it's important to show the kids that we can have fun on our own too.

However given you are not both on the same page then three is a compromise I suppose.

ILoveYou3000 · 26/08/2019 09:01

@Azeema it says quite clearly in the OP, the husband sees his friend every month to six weeks, and that they went camping with him in May for 3 weeks.

The BBQ idea is a good one. I think you'll have to accept the compromise OP, else today will be a wash out and not the quality family time you're after as your husband will be sulking all day.

Maybe once you're back home, have a calm chat explaining how much you value time for the 5 of you and how you feel it should be made priority when the opportunity presents itself.

Original poster
confusedofengland · 26/08/2019 09:05

Have gone with 3pm. Not happy about it as it's very rare we get any time as a family, but there you go.

Azeema I said I my OP he sees his friend once every 4-6 weeks, this year has been a lot more as was friend's big birthday, so we went away with them for a long weekend & DH went up there for night out, in addition to normal meeting up.

OP posts:
FunkySnidge · 26/08/2019 09:05

I think you are being controlling. Don't spoil the opportunity to see his friends. You had an entire trip with your friends for goodness sake.
There is no need to blow this up into a huge thing and declare hecoesnt want time with his family just because he is excited to see his friends. Perhaps you are all doing his head in!

MiddleClassProblem · 26/08/2019 09:10

Doyour kids like playing with their kids? If so, it benefits not just him but the kids too.

Original poster
confusedofengland · 26/08/2019 09:14

Funky we are seeing his friends all day tomorrow (12 hours), so it's not like he's not seeing them, that's already 1/3 of our days here.

Middleclass they get on ok, but completely different ages etc so can't all do all same things.

OP posts:
ILoveYou3000 · 26/08/2019 09:22

@FunkySnidge perhaps give the OP another read through. And how lovely a father unable to take more than a day with his children before they're "doing his head in".

Or maybe he's hoping for an easy day having a laugh with his best mate while he leaves the OP to do all the parenting of their 3 sons.

Missingstreetlife · 26/08/2019 09:29

Why do theme park twice? Meet friends today and have family time tomorrow?

Snog · 26/08/2019 09:36

Why not plan a family only break as your next break?

Original poster
confusedofengland · 26/08/2019 09:52

We love theme parks (especially DS2, he has autism & loves sensory input from rollercoasters) & have annual passes, so happy to go twice - that was always the plan!

We're going away at end of October just us, but my parents seem to have invited themselves plus my nieces & nephews for a day. But we should have most of the week to ourselves. But that feels like a long way off & I really struggle with football=lack of family time during term time (have posted other threads about that).

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 26/08/2019 10:00

my parents seem to have invited themselves on your 'just us' holiday in October.

If you are ok with that, then just think that his friends have invited themselves for an extra day for this holiday.

Windygate · 26/08/2019 10:00

Why can't you spend today together then DH takes the DC to meet his friends and you have some down time at the campsite?

maddy68 · 26/08/2019 10:02

I can see both sides here...he wants to spend time with his friend and is trying to accommodate everyone. I would say that the friend can join you on your planned activity