A holiday AIBU. Please be gentle!

[confusedofengland]

Posting this here as I am not brave enough for AIBU, so please be gentle, even if I am U

DH & I are away with our 3 Dses, all primary school age. We have come camping for 4 nights & will have 3 days at destination. Destination is near a theme park & also 20 mins from where his childhood best friend lives- DC & I are also friends with them, but not to the same extent as DH.

We have been to theme park today, (was mostly him on big rides with DS10 & me with 1 or both other Dses), were going on walk/relaxing tomorrow, then theme park on Tuesday with above friends. Now DH has had a message from friend suggesting we meet up tomorrow for different walk & tea room, as well as theme park next day. I have said I am not keen as was looking forward to tomorrow as family time & seeing friends next day. Also would like to discover things our way rather than being shown plus they walk further & quicker than us. DH got very stroppy about this & has gone to bed in a huff, saying he doesn't get why I don't want to see them, we see my lot more & I'm a kill joy. So I suggested he ask them to our campsite for dinner & play/chat, but he said it's boring & too late if we're up early next day for theme park. He also wants to visit his parents on way home, although he saw them 4/7 full days last week & will again next Saturday, at least. This was not in original plan, he suggested it on drive up here.

For background: we live near my family (same village as my parents) but don't see them every week, as we're all busy. We went on holiday with them for 4 days earlier this month (but haven't seen them since), also camping for 3 days with my friends but we took 1 day to ourselves. We also went camping with his friends (above) in late May for 3 nights & he sees him when they go to football matches for pre-match pint. So doesn't see him loads but roughly once a month/6 weeks? Distance is 3 hours drive. He sees his parents roughly every 2 weeks for full weekends in school hols, but once school term starts is trickier as he never has full day free & is 2.5 hour drive.

I really want to get family time now as once school starts back, DH will be working again plus doing football with just DS1 for half of Saturday & half of Sunday every week, so we won't have much time as a 5 until October half term.

I guess it makes me sad to think he'd rather spend time with friends than just as a 5, but he says I'm being silly. I know he expects that I'll change my mind. He hasn't yet replied to friend's message.

AIBU?

The 3pm thing is a good compromise

We're going away at end of October just us, but my parents seem to have invited themselves plus my nieces & nephews for a day.

• pot, kettle, black!

However with your original quandary YANBU. I would be disappointed and a little hurt too.
Do tell you family your October trip is just the two of you though. Dear god!

I think that 3pm is a good compromise.

On a different note that's an awful lot of time with friends and family - great if you both enjoy that - do you? Personally it would drive me nuts.

Double standards. You get to spend time/ holiday with your lot as you wish (it appears) but you restrict his access to his.

I wish my parents weren't coming in October, believe me! But can see that appears one-sided. At least it's only 1/7 days.

I think yabu actually. You seem to have double standards over spending time with your family/ friends and allowing him to spend time with his friends.
The October trip is not you 5 only either.
Give your head a wobble.

YABU. All this 1/7 4/7 stuff is stupid. It's ok when it's your friends but not his?

Now you'll just be hanging about until 3 when you could've been doing the walk and tea rooms and it's caused tension

I'd be grateful that you seem to have plenty of friends and family who want to see you and spend time with you! Those of us who do not have this and only have days out and holidays that are "just" the nuclear family would sometimes love some other people to share their life with!

It all sounds a bit tit-for-tat really. I think the 3pm compromise is a fair one.

How can your parents just invite themselves on your holiday?

I think you need to stop sharing your plans with friends and family then they can't invite themselves along. It all sounds too stressful and busy to me.

Yeah it is a bit annoying when you're seeing them for a full day the next day. I hate it when DP feels he can't say no and then it feels like someone else is controlling our time. But.. how did your family invite themselves to your next holiday!? You both don't seem able to say no.

And I agree with Greek, stop telling people where you're going and when.

Seems like you're generally frustrated that you don't all spend more time together

I'd be telling your parents etc not to come on the October holiday if I were you!

I can get where you're coming from. My DH was extremely sociable and was always happy to have friends and family joining us. I found this quite difficult and was also quite hurt that it seemed that he didn't want to spend time with just us as a family.

I would have a chat with him when you get home and things are calmer that sometimes you would just like to have family time and explain how it makes you feel when you're expecting to be together as a family and then he decides to invite his friends along.

It comes across that family time is really important to both of you. BUT it seems like to you that means JUST the five of you, and to him it means so long as the five of you are together, the extras don’t matter. Neither is wrong per se, just not always compatible. It also seems like you value all of you together most highly, but he puts a higher importance on 1-1 time with the dc he shares a hobby with. Again, no right / wrong, but it sounds like you need a conversation, and some compromise on both sides.

What do you mean “I wish...”?
You could have said no and you still can say no.

You’ve chosen not to, so you don’t get to play the martyr about it.