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Original poster

Pre-nup ++

27 replies

SweetieDarlings · 25/08/2019 20:53

I have been asked to sign a pre-nup.

My DP’s family is quite wealthy, and while I’d prefer that I was just trusted (because I’m trustworthy), I can understand why they might want one.

I have now been sent it to review, and it includes a clause whereby in the event of the death of my partner, I would be expected to give any assets deemed to be ‘family money’ back to them (effectively anything without my name on it).

In the case where I had a child, I would still have to return the assets so they could hold them in trust for the child.

Is this a normal part of a pre-nup? It seems Victorian.

OP posts:
MrsTumbletap · 25/08/2019 20:59

It depends what assets are there that would be family money? If they have 3 mansions I suppose it make sense you don't just automatically get them if your DH died in 3 years.

But you could just get life insurance that covers that couldn't you? If my DH or I die, the other gets the house paid off and three times their salary from work.

Do you work? If you don't and your wealthy husband dies or leaves you in 5 years then what? What is your back up plan? If all the money leaves with him don't make yourself vulnerable.

MrsTumbletap · 25/08/2019 21:01

With regard to the child part that seems normal to me, your child still gets a trust fund which is pretty great to enable them to buy a house when they are old enough.

Chitarra · 25/08/2019 21:02

Do you know what kind of thing this might be referring to? Presumably if you and DP buy a house together your name would be on the deeds so that wouldn’t be covered by this clause?

lunar1 · 25/08/2019 21:06

What exactly will your name be on? If it's on the family home, savings accounts, pension and insurance it's probably ok. If the house and savings will be his then no way.

The trust for children would mean if he passed away and you had more children all his assets would be ring fenced for his children. I'd do that if I had significant assets.

Do you have enough protection with the pre-nup. He should be paying for you to have a solicitor look over it-completely independently.

MsSquiz · 25/08/2019 21:07

Is your DP paying for your legal advice? That's my first point - he should be as he is the one who wants a pre nup.(you should choose your own solicitor though, not one he picks)

A pre nup can contain anything. Never just go along with the first draft, this is the starting point of the negotiations. You will find things go back and forwards between your solicitors until agreements can be reached.

Pre nups are not about being grabby, they are about what you would be entitled to and have agreed on with your DP.

I have a pre nup with DH.
Ours is based on a percentage scale where the money I would get increases every 5 years (which made sense to me, as I think after 20 years of marriage you do deserve to get more from a divorce than you would after 5 years)
All our jointly owned property will be 50/50 split
Any money/property I brought into the marriage would remain mine
DH's investments in 2 companies would remain his
Money in the family trust would also remain his (but would be passed on to any children we have

I requested the inclusion of maintenance for any children (I am a child of single parent who received nothing from my father! So DH understood and agreed)

Our pre nup should also be updated/amended every 5 years or on the birth of any child. I am currently pregnant and we have agreed that our child will go to private school, so I have asked DH to include that he will be responsible for all school fees up until they are 18/end full time education.

Original poster
SweetieDarlings · 25/08/2019 21:10

Good question! No I’m not sure what it involves - they do invest together, but I’d have imagine the purpose of that was to improve our future (ie our collective family unit).

I suppose there’s a notable difference between three year and ten/twenty etc. We have already been together ten!

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetieDarlings · 25/08/2019 21:10

Oh and yes I work, I’m pretty well paid

OP posts:
Chickydoo · 25/08/2019 21:20

If you've already been together 10 years a pre nup indicates the family still don't consider you one of them..or never will be.
Seems awful to me.

OhioOhioOhio · 25/08/2019 21:24

Omg. Please don't sign it.

Grimbles · 25/08/2019 21:30

I thought pre-nups were not legally binding in the UK (although they could be taken into account, the unfair terms clause still applies)

Chitarra · 25/08/2019 21:34

I don’t think it’s quite as simple as saying they don’t trust you. For example, if your partner died and you remarried and then you died, anything that you had inherited after your current partner’s death could be left to your second husband. He could then do anything he liked with the money which had originated from your current partner’s family.

Obviously this chain of events isn’t very likely, but it is possible (I know of a rather similar case). Your PILs-to-be want to protect their assets from leaving the family, which is fair enough IMO.

Raynedance · 25/08/2019 22:08

It's very difficult op isn't it.

Are you both on first marriages no dc yet?

What sort of asessets would you have to return? A home you live in? That would be hard, grieving and having to leave your home with shared memories...

It sounds odd but as pp said it could be usual first draft with lots of too and fro.

Raynedance · 25/08/2019 22:11

Are you you married op? Are you going to why are you getting this now?

Cleopatrai · 25/08/2019 22:15

@MsSquiz
That’s all very well and good but what happens if your DH can no longer afford to pay for private school if you split? Or if she goes on to have more children & can’t afford private school for all his children. A Pre-nup won’t make him pay if he chooses not to.
It’s often a waste of money.

I’m not anti- prenups but the idea that they 100% dictate what will happen in a split is ridiculous. Things change. Life is not static.

stanski · 25/08/2019 22:16

Sounds fairly standard and I made my DH sign one too.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 25/08/2019 22:22

You should get this moved to legal. I think this is less weird if we’re talking family jewels/antiques/property but very weird they mean money your DH earns during the marriage. Unless the itemise what is ‘family’ then I wouldn’t sign. I would also not sign anything making forward predictions about a yet unconcieved child.

If you had a child and your DH died that child is yours, your PIL don’t become quasi patent in charge or making parental decisions your DH would have made were he alive.

If you’re marrying he should be seeing you as his primary family, in the same way your fil presumably does your mil.

I also thought they weren’t legally binding in the UK.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 25/08/2019 22:23
  • quasi parent in charge of

Sorry fat fingers

MsSquiz · 25/08/2019 22:24

@Cleopatrai there is very little chance of DH not being able to afford to pay private school fees. There is also a very high chance that his parents will pay (towards, if not all of) the fees for our child/ren.

I appreciate life is not static, but given our discussions even prior to conceiving, it is his choice for any children we have to go to private school (I would happily send them to the local state school) so the fees would be his responsibility. If he were to change his mind at any point, that would be up to him.
Essentially, that clause is to clarify that the school fees would not be my responsibility in the event that we should divorce.

And as a PP said, although pre nups are not legally binding in the UK, they are becoming more common and most divorce courts will take them into account.

Natsel84 · 25/08/2019 22:29

If your to sign it , I would make sure there are clauses to protect yourself ( if for some reason your marriage broke down ) . So for example a third party was involved In the marriage then it becomes null and void and you get all the family money !
I think pre nups are not worth the paper they are written on . If your entering into marriage , there is a big element of trust straight off .
You need to get an unbiased opinion from your own solicitor

Goodluck

Raynedance · 25/08/2019 22:31

Back once again, that's interesting crux isn't it.

What is the family, what is family money.

MsSquiz · 25/08/2019 22:41

I agree with those asking for clarity on "family money"

With DH things are clearly defined -
"family money" is held within a family trust and invested together as a larger sum with other family member's money.
If DH takes money out of that pot to put it towards a property (for example) for us, it then is no longer "family money" and is a joint asset, 50/50 between us. And there is no way I would be required to sell and give the funds back to the family trust.

It sounds like that would also need to be dealt with in your DP's will, not a pre nup.

In our pre nup, it is what would happen in the event of divorce, not death.

If DH were to die, all property would go to me, all investments in his companies go to me, his money in the family trust stays within the trust, with me and our child benefitting from the quarterly return (as we do at the moment) the money that is in the trust in DH's name, would be held for DD until she turned 18

Banangana · 25/08/2019 22:43

Honestly, I think prenups make sense. It's all well and good to insist that you're 'family' and you should be included and trusted but the divorce rate these days is very high and so is the likelihood of second marriages and blended families. I wouldn't want my money to end up with a child's ex spouse and their new family. If you never divorce then the prenup will be irrelevant and you'll continue to benefit from his family's wealth.

Banangana · 25/08/2019 22:45

And if he dies the money will be protected for his children

Witchlight · 25/08/2019 22:50

Make sure you have a solicitor who is aware how pre-nups work. Your DP should be paying as he wants the agreement.

If you are talking about wealthy companies like Vardags? are experienced in this area.

You can add things you want to the agreement ie an independent trustee for your child in the event of your DPs death.

Witchlight · 25/08/2019 22:52

Sorry miss typed.

Vardags are experienced in pre nips for the wealthy.