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Original poster

Anyone else never go where they want to go?

41 replies

zafferana · 25/08/2019 17:14

I've just been thinking about this - our holidays are very rarely where I want to go. I'd love to have a sunny summer holiday somewhere reasonably hot and flexible on destination, but DH has 'no interest'. So I do the research, cost it out, come up with suggestions, but somehow it always ends up being where he wants to go. I've challenged him on it many times, but he just says, 'So take the DC - I don't mind - but I have no interest in going there'. WWYD? Call his bluff? Fuck off with the DC for a week in the sun?

OP posts:
sackrifice · 25/08/2019 17:16

Oh yes do it.

AdelaideK · 25/08/2019 17:16

That's not fair. I would take the kids and leave the selfish arse behind.

hopeishere · 25/08/2019 17:18

What does he want to do?

nogooddeedgoesunpunished · 25/08/2019 17:20

Leave the kids behind with him and go on your own / with a friend !

Original poster
zafferana · 25/08/2019 17:23

He wants to city breaks in Europe (DC not really interested), UK breaks (DC love these - we do lots walking and outdoorsy stuff), or this year he wanted to go to Northern France and do lots of WWII stuff (DC were bored rigid). I'm really happy to compromise and try to keep everyone happy, yet I feel he doesn't want ME to be happy. We go where HE wants, the DC's needs come next and my needs? Nowhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
zafferana · 25/08/2019 17:25

I can't leave the kids behind - he's a workaholic and would just call my poor DM and beg her to come and look after them. I can't go away for longer than a night without him needing help to look after them (they're 11 and 8 btw, not babies).

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TapasForTwo · 25/08/2019 17:27

Go without him then. DD and I have been away three times on our own.

sackrifice · 25/08/2019 17:29

I can't leave the kids behind - he's a workaholic and would just call my poor DM and beg her to come and look after them. I can't go away for longer than a night without him needing help to look after them (they're 11 and 8 btw, not babies).

Good grief.

Take your mum with you. Or tell him you have and get her to not answer the phone.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/08/2019 17:33

Can you not compromise? Last year we went to Poland. Did half the holiday in Krakov looking at historical stuff, and half in a national park, walking up mountains and wild swimming.

Next year we’re looking at Valencia, half city, half beach.

pregnantncnc · 25/08/2019 17:44

@TinklyLittleLaugh has the right idea! Any other suggestions of destinations you've considered (sorry to derail the thread!)?

But yes, if he really won't do anything you want to do, then go with the kids without him. And also ask him if your needs are important to him at all.

SwedishEdith · 25/08/2019 17:49

There are hot sunny places near cities with outdoor stuff as well.

hopeishere · 25/08/2019 17:57

DH also likes culture breaks and I like more relaxing ones. We're still working out what suits us all. We did two weeks pool holiday and none of us really liked it. Most successful have been:
Amsterdam in a really swish hotel with pool
Cornwall including surfing lesson for DS
Cruise

BertrandRussell · 25/08/2019 17:59

“I can't go away for longer than a night without him needing help to look after them (they're 11 and 8 btw, not babies).”

Does this seem right to you?

LesLavandes · 25/08/2019 18:01

I would leave him at home. I have travelled the world with my children and he was happy with that.

Saying that, we are now divorced. 🤣

NoSquirrels · 25/08/2019 18:06

So he’s basically selfish? He doesn’t care about his DC enough to parent them alone, or take their interests into account? He doesn’t care about you enough to give you a break or plan something you’d like? He doesn’t care about imposing on your Mum, either?

What are his good points? Presumably if he’s a workaholic you have cash, i suppose - but that not everything.

drivingtofrance · 25/08/2019 18:30

You and the dc go. Leave him home.

BirthdayCakes · 25/08/2019 18:34

I took the DC away on my own this year - it was so, so much easier! No compromising, much more flexibility, everyone had a great time..

Original poster
zafferana · 25/08/2019 18:39

We do compromise - we go to places like Italy and Spain in the winter - when it's cool enough for him to tolerate them. I miss the sound of cicadas though, enjoying a cool drink in a bar on a hot day, doing watersports when it's hot enough to actually enjoy them, rather than freezing our arses off. I love Mediterranean culture and summer is a big part of that - but I never get to experience it any more.

What are his good points? He's kind and generous. We have a very nice life. He lets me do what I want, but the flip-side of that is that he rarely wants to do the same things. I have fun with my friends, he's always too busy or too preoccupied. He's turned into a boring middle-aged man, whereas I don't think I've changed all that much really.

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WhyBirdStop · 25/08/2019 18:39

What about a sunny break with things he'll line. For example Crete has some lovely hotels and beaches but also things of historical interest, Knossos, lasithi plateau -birthplace of Zeus (up a mountain in a cool cave), spinalonga (you catch a small boat over, go from plaka and read the island by Victoria hislop). Best of both worlds?

WhyBirdStop · 25/08/2019 18:40

Go in may half term so it's warm, early twenties but not the heat of August

Original poster
zafferana · 25/08/2019 18:43

And no @BertrandRussell it doesn't. I don't know any other DH who is completely incapable of taking care of his own DC. I went away for a week on a course earlier this year and my DM had to come and stay in our house the entire time I was away.

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LemonAddict · 25/08/2019 18:44

*“I can't go away for longer than a night without him needing help to look after them (they're 11 and 8 btw, not babies).”

Does this seem right to you?*

I’d like to know the answer to that too OP?

QuaterMiss · 25/08/2019 18:47

We have a very nice life.

Or, rather, you have a very nice lifestyle. Where you’re trapped with a father who will not parent. And no real choice of recreation.

But I guess this is what you choose.

KnittingSister · 25/08/2019 18:48

He's not incapable, just doesn't want to. Sad

Original poster
zafferana · 25/08/2019 18:54

Well yes, you're right @QuaterMiss, but it's hardly LTB territory is it?

On MN I know people are regularly told to bail on their marriages for things like this, but tbh when I 'chose' him I didn't expect him to be quite this fucking useless as a parent.

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