Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone else never go where they want to go?

41 replies

zafferana · 25/08/2019 17:14

I've just been thinking about this - our holidays are very rarely where I want to go. I'd love to have a sunny summer holiday somewhere reasonably hot and flexible on destination, but DH has 'no interest'. So I do the research, cost it out, come up with suggestions, but somehow it always ends up being where he wants to go. I've challenged him on it many times, but he just says, 'So take the DC - I don't mind - but I have no interest in going there'. WWYD? Call his bluff? Fuck off with the DC for a week in the sun?

OP posts:

71wheretogo · 25/08/2019 18:54

I'd do exactly what he suggests, and go where I wanted with the kids, but without him.

I have the same problem in my house, except that while dh will let me choose - mainly because he seems to have no desire to go anywhere in particular at all - he insists on coming and then spoiling it for everyone. I have tried to dissuade him; pointed out previously spoiled holidays etc, but I think he doesn't like to be left alone at home.

Really, go and leave him at home. You'll have a lovely time. Boring and middle-aged is bearable. Angry, irritable, boring and middle-aged is a bit more of a challenge!

Zenithbear · 25/08/2019 18:57

One year you pick the main holiday, the next year he chooses.
Simple.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 25/08/2019 18:58

“I can't go away for longer than a night without him needing help to look after them (they're 11 and 8 btw, not babies).”

Do you think he's a good father?

The holidays are the least of your worries, here, IMO.

BertrandRussell · 25/08/2019 18:58

“tbh when I 'chose' him I didn't expect him to be quite this fucking useless as a parent.”

What is it he “can’t” do?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/08/2019 19:01

I don’t much like the heat either, (I’m a bone white redhead to boot), but I find it reasonably tolerable if we stay somewhere with proper air con, then at least there is some respite.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/08/2019 19:06

Seriously OP, you book it. Book something nice and he will surely come.

My girls did a little tour of Pompeii, Sorrento and Rome a couple of years ago. A nice mix of beach and culture. They backpacked but you could do little hotels.

Original poster

zafferana · 25/08/2019 19:13

One year you pick the main holiday, the next year he chooses. Simple.

You would think that, but it never turns out that way. Bit like our DC, he named the first one and I was supposed to name the second one. Except he vetoed any name I came up with until the only one we could agree on was his suggestion.

OP posts:

BigFatLiar · 25/08/2019 19:15

Have your holiday with the kids and leave him behind. At other times as a family have a some weekends in the UK.

chickenyhead · 25/08/2019 19:21

Misery loves company.

You could let him choose the place if it isn't an option to leave him behind. But find out as much as you can about local activities etc that DC will enjoy.

DC 11&8 require such minimal input in their home environment, that this stinks of control. My ex would DELIBERATELY do the ironing so badly that it was better he just didnt do it.

GloGirl · 25/08/2019 19:27

Honestly with that kind of partnership it feels like leaving the bastard just means not standing next to him.

What exactly does he enjoy doing that's cooperative and for the family?

Obviouslynotallthere · 25/08/2019 19:27

Good grief, I've got one of those. I've also got teen boys though. I organised everything every time we go on holiday. Mostly they've loved our destinations, mostly history based. We went somewhere a bit hot with history this year and he moaned about the heat. I'm not booking anything next year. Kids are old enough to do their own thing and I'm gonna possibly go on a singles type do or with friends.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 25/08/2019 19:29

Going to the places you want when you're freezing is not a compromise. Continuing to veto until the name you pick is one HE likes is not "your turn" to name your own child.

He may be generous in other ways, but not in the way it counts when the bottom line is always his way or the highway and everyone tows the line, even your poor mother! Go on a nice sunny break - with your mum. He's a grown ass man, he will have to cope!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 25/08/2019 19:34

What does he do at work? Presuming he's likely to manage staff, work to deadlines, sort his lunch, actually be reasonably competent at his job? He must negotiate, impart information to others...

Do you really think he can't cope with an 8 and 11yo?

It's absolutely control and totally a turn off.

BackforGood · 25/08/2019 19:40

Another suggesting you take the dc away (maybe with your Mum if she is always there for you, and would like to ??) and leave him to stay at work.
Everyone will be happier.

NoSquirrels · 25/08/2019 20:30

I still really cannot see how he is “kind and generous” and not “selfish and controlling”, tbh.

Delatron · 25/08/2019 20:40

It’s so selfish. Holidays are a bit of a compromise to make sure there’s something to make everyone happy.

So I don’t get a week on a sun lounger as
DH loves all the activities. We’ll also make sure mainly the kids are happy.

It’s unfair on you and your children. You need to find holiday that suits you all or take the kids alone (or with a friend?).

Flip

1 2