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Original poster

Is this normal behaviour?

39 replies

Kiwidenter · 25/08/2019 15:57

Me and boyfriend are looking after his brother (9) for this bank holiday weekend.

So yesterday we got him in the morning from his mum's and we took him to football that he does on a Saturday morning. And on the way back to the car after football boyfriend was carrying son (just turned 10months yesterday) and his brother was saying "why does boyfriend have to carry son why can't be carry me" and boyfriend said because son can't walk and you can. In the end his brother sat on the floor and cried and refused to walk until boyfriend gave in and passed son to me and carried his brother.

Them we went to an ice cream place (we had promised to take him) and he kept asking us which one to have and we told him whatever one he wanted. It ended up boyfriend picking one for him.

Then we got his ice cream and he kept saying he had to give some to OH and he told his brother he doesn't eat ice cream and he can't (milk allergy). His brother was saying he had to and started crying again so in the end I had some of it.

Then we had a lovely afternoon at the park until the end when we had to leave. He started hitting OH and shouting that he hated him because OH said he isn't going to McDonald's and his brother said he wouldn't eat anything then and he would starve.

He ate and then was ok and was playing with son and when son went to bed he was happy to play on boyfriends phone.

It was time for him to go to sleep (8:30pm) and he was saying no and he ended up staying awake until 10pm.

This morning we went out to a play centre for a bit and after he was refusing to walk again so OH had to carry him.

And we have just been to the beach and he was fine whilst there playing with son etc but when we left OH carried him again. And on the way home he kept taking his seat belt off and taking sons dummy off him so in the end OH had to sit in the back in between them to stop him from taking his seat belt off and from upsetting son

What can we do?

OP posts:
dancemom · 25/08/2019 16:08

Start getting tough with him. Does he behave like this at home?

mordecaithomas · 25/08/2019 16:10

This kid is 9? 😂

Catbrat · 25/08/2019 16:14

My guess would be that he doesn't like your son taking the attention away from him and he is jealous, so he is acting like a baby/acting up to get the attention back.
I suggest your bf talking to him, letting him know he's still just as important as he was before the baby was born, give him a bit of reassurance, if he keeps acting up, be tough with him.

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Sargass0 · 25/08/2019 16:36

What can you do? Show him even more love and attention than you did before your son was born to try and counteract his natural jealousy. Its pretty obvious he now feels he has to compete for dad's affection which is normal.

Belgravian · 25/08/2019 16:40

@Sargass0 the lad is his brother not his son.

Sargass0 · 25/08/2019 17:22

Yes I get that. The 9 year old needs more attention, patience, love, etc than he did before his brother was born to counteract his very natural jealousy towards his new brother.

Alwayswithalacrity · 25/08/2019 17:28

They are brothers and the baby is the younger ones nephew!

Sargass0 · 25/08/2019 17:28

Omg so sorry am really stupid. Have just got back from pub! Shouldn't have posted. Completely misread twice!!!! Hope n that case I don't think it is quite normal. Sounds like me he is still competing for attention and he's gonna have to get used to the new dynamics! Sounds a bit knackering for you though. Once again sorry !

Alwayswithalacrity · 25/08/2019 17:29

Unless he was injured there is no way on earth I would carry a whinging 9 year old!

NeatFreakMama · 25/08/2019 17:29

@Sargass0 the baby is his nephew.

I think it's an attention issue too and he's finding it upsetting so he's regressing but that being said he needs boundaries. I wouldn't carry a 9 year old but he could do some special 'grown up' activities together to have time together?

ChaosInTheMugCupboard · 25/08/2019 17:31

What is he like with his parents?

The main thing you can do is : not give in. If he sits down and cries and that gets him his own way, that is what he will do next time to get his own way. You and your OH have to be more stubborn than he is.

Original poster
Kiwidenter · 25/08/2019 17:34

when I was pregnant (or not and just staying over) I used to go to OHs (before we got a place together) his brother used to cry if he didn't get his own way and would follow OH a lot and would tell their mum if OH told him to go away.

When we stayed a few months ago as soon as his brother got home from school he would follow OH. But he never cried if he didn't get his own way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kiwidenter · 25/08/2019 17:46

He is OK around his mum and stepdad at home and never follows them or asks them to pick him up (although if he asked to be picked up his stepdad would probably tell him off)

OP posts:
CircleofWillis · 25/08/2019 18:14

Why is he staying with you OP? Is there something he might be feeling insecure about that is happening with his mum and stepdad?

BettysLeftTentacle · 25/08/2019 18:17

Sounds like he’s needing attention and approval from his big brother. Telling a 9 year old to ‘go away’ really isn’t a nice way to treat them.

Original poster
Kiwidenter · 25/08/2019 18:18

His mum and stepdad have gone away for the weekend but he didn't want to go as he wanted to stay with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kiwidenter · 25/08/2019 18:21

He didn't tell him to go away today or yesterday it was a while ago when I was pregnant with son or just before.

OP posts:
Usa666 · 25/08/2019 18:22

I probably wouldn't have him to stay anymore! Your boyfriend can visit his brother at his parents house.

Just tell the parents that he was being very difficult and it's not your job to parent him.

MrsKittyFane1 · 25/08/2019 18:29

Would it be better if your DH took his brother out on his own?
Tell the boy that he can have one of the days (day 2 of 2 day weekend) with his brother all by himself as long as he doesn't 'play up' beforehand.
Set boundaries- walk, no whining, crying or complaining. If he does, he goes home and doesn't get to stay.

BettysLeftTentacle · 25/08/2019 18:30

Ok do it wasn’t yesterday or today (I guess kids don’t have memories now Hmm) but an adult telling a child to ‘go away’ pretty much tells you all you need to know about their attitude towards that child.

Iloveacurry · 25/08/2019 18:34

Take him back to his mother.

Belgravian · 25/08/2019 18:34

Poor boy sounds mixed up and may have projected his feelings on to his adult big brother and sees him as not just a brother but a father figure and it’s this confusion which is causing the drama and the upset.

Cherrysoup · 25/08/2019 19:44

No way would I be carrying a 9 year old! That’s ridiculous. Tell him no, walk away, see if he follows.

Original poster
Kiwidenter · 25/08/2019 19:45

OH was 15/16 when he told him to go away (now almost 18 and I'm 19).

OH said to his brother he would take him bowling and to McDonald's tomorrow if he behaved in the car but he didn't. Although after he did apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kiwidenter · 25/08/2019 19:54

At first he did say no but in the end have in because he was sitting in the middle of the pavement and people were tutting and nearly tripping over him

OP posts:
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