Is this normal behaviour?

[Kiwidenter]

Me and boyfriend are looking after his brother (9) for this bank holiday weekend.

So yesterday we got him in the morning from his mum's and we took him to football that he does on a Saturday morning. And on the way back to the car after football boyfriend was carrying son (just turned 10months yesterday) and his brother was saying "why does boyfriend have to carry son why can't be carry me" and boyfriend said because son can't walk and you can. In the end his brother sat on the floor and cried and refused to walk until boyfriend gave in and passed son to me and carried his brother.

Them we went to an ice cream place (we had promised to take him) and he kept asking us which one to have and we told him whatever one he wanted. It ended up boyfriend picking one for him.

Then we got his ice cream and he kept saying he had to give some to OH and he told his brother he doesn't eat ice cream and he can't (milk allergy). His brother was saying he had to and started crying again so in the end I had some of it.

Then we had a lovely afternoon at the park until the end when we had to leave. He started hitting OH and shouting that he hated him because OH said he isn't going to McDonald's and his brother said he wouldn't eat anything then and he would starve.

He ate and then was ok and was playing with son and when son went to bed he was happy to play on boyfriends phone.

It was time for him to go to sleep (8:30pm) and he was saying no and he ended up staying awake until 10pm.

This morning we went out to a play centre for a bit and after he was refusing to walk again so OH had to carry him.

And we have just been to the beach and he was fine whilst there playing with son etc but when we left OH carried him again. And on the way home he kept taking his seat belt off and taking sons dummy off him so in the end OH had to sit in the back in between them to stop him from taking his seat belt off and from upsetting son

What can we do?

The 9 year old has learned tantrumming gets him his own way. Stop giving in and say if he acts like a baby you’ll treat him like one. It’s clearly a jealousy thing with his big brother but I wouldn’t pander to it. Maybe I’m harsh though! I’ve had a 6 YO relative here today who didn’t listen to a word anyone said to him so my patience has been worn out today!

Yesterday we thought he was just happy to see OH as he hasn't seen him in a while with me partner and their dad holiday whilst his brother was still at school and then the rest of the summer his brother has done other things with his mum and stepdad.

But today his behaviour has been the same but it hasn't just been towards OH because he was taking his seatbelt off and upsetting son

He's been ok all evening again playing with son and reading to him but he's refusing to go to sleep again and wants to continue watching the film he's watching.

It's not "abnormal" behaviour but it's not behaviour that should be encouraged either. It sounds like he is desperate for his big brothers attention. Does he see his brother as a father figure? Is his father on the scene?

They have always had a close relationship.

Father is sort of on the scene but when his brother was about 8 and his mum met her now husband she lied to OH and his brother by saying stuff like your dad never wanted you and he doesn't want to see you because your stupid and stuff like that. And it really upset OH but he was just brave for his brother and told him it wasn't true

OH now has a relationship with his father again but his brother hasn't because she just won't let him.

OH said he wouldn't talk to her But then he wouldn't be able to see his brother

But his brother being like this towards partner was before she said stuff like this

That last post explains everything. Poor kid. He needs a lot of support and reassurance. No parent should ever speak like that to a child. If she is capable of saying that to him who knows what else he is picking up from her on a daily basis.

I think if his mum or stepdad upset him he would tell me or OH. But not sure though

Sounds like he's acting up for his brother's attention.

It could be but not sure as he did it before I had son aswell and before me and OH got together.

Poor kid. His mother sounds awful and his stepdad is relatively new on the scene. He thinks his dad has abandoned him.

His older teenage brother is his only point of stability.

Now his older brother has a baby of his own and he’s pushed out and acting up.

Can you and your OH try to spend MORE time with him and shower him with attention?

Its quite clear the bou sees your oh as a father figure.

I actually grew up in a house hold where I believed dad didnt want to see us. I have since seen all the paperwork and lterrs from my mim threatening to kill herself if he came near, sometimes she would threaten to kill us if she even laid eyes on him.

It also explained why we moved alot. As a kids it awful.

Anyway, I think your oh would be better spending some 1 on 1 time with his brother. Its usual for older siblings to regress out of jealousy. The boy may not be his son, but he they obviously have a relationship where your oh, is more of a father figure.

You dont have to pander to the behaviour and I would say dont. But given the circumstances, I dont think its abnormal at all. Your oh has been the one stable male presence in his life.

It really depends. But, personally, I would say that your oh would be better continuing that relationship, not as his dad. But make sure he maintains contact with his brother and makes the effort to include him in your family and have time with him on his own.

Whilst oh isnt his dad, the bot clearly has that attachment. Your baby, probably has everything he wants. A mum and a dad. A dad who is there etc. He is probably a bit jealous of you as well. You get pots post time with his brother.

I think you both, if you are prepared to do it, could really make the difference for this boy. He doesnt need to live with you. Just oh, and you a little but, take time for him.

Sounds like he's acting up for his brother's attention.

Of course he did your oh is the only constant in his life. Kids often act up for the people they know will still love then anyway.

OH would see his brother more but his mum said no everytime this summer for example a few weeks ago we asked if she was doing anything with his brother that week and she said no but then we asked it he'd want to go to a farm with us and she said oh no we are actually having a day at home.

She told us we can have him this weekend as she's going on holiday and he didn't want to go.

There is a lot going on in that poor kids head.

Just had a few tears because we have to take him home soon and he said he would miss us and OH said he would see him soon and his brother said we won't because we said it last time but we didn't see him for a while.