Who pays on a second date?

[Lobsterquadrille2]

I can't believe I'm writing one of these threads ....

First date was last week. We met for a couple of coffees in my town - he drove and I had to leave earlier than expected - I paid the £10 ish without thinking about it, although he offered to split it. All was promising.

Second date was last night. He suggested going for something to eat in advance of my birthday this week. Nice evening, couple of coffees and a starter each which came to about £20. The bill was placed in front of him and he pushed it to the middle of the table and said "shall we split it?". I was slightly surprised but obviously put £10 on the plate, he added his bank card and made a point of asking the waiter how much his card had been charged.

I'm perfectly happy to pay my own way. I'm also conscious of the first and only man I lived with in my early twenties, who would do the food shopping and itemise every amount on the receipt in terms of the proportion he expected me to eat. The same man didn't pay a penny of maintenance for our DD. So, maybe I am being over sensitive? I'm absolutely not looking for someone to support me in any way - as above, I ignored warning signs many years ago!!

I have always liked to split the bill, until you are serious enough to take turns, knowing there will be a next time! However he invited you out for a meal for your birthday, the bill was only £20 and you paid last time. If he was a female friend I wouldn't be expecting to pay in those circumstances, of course I'd offer, but certainly in my social circle it would be refused. If the bill was high or it wasn't your birthday, and you'd split the last one, fine. He seems mean.

I’m all for paying your own way and splitting while you date BUT in this case, I probably wouldn’t see this man again. You paid for the first date and the fact he didn’t offer on the second for just £20 would be a red flag for me. I’m fairly generous though and wouldn’t bat an eyelid at offering to pay that so it would concern me that he couldn’t/wouldn’t.

@Lipz that was it, exactly. You expressed how I was thinking better than I did 😀.