Pet loss/grief

[YesQueen]

How do you know what is "normal"?
That's vague, I know! I am grieving, massively and it's probably the most heartbroken I've ever been
Not very good at judging stuff like this as I feel ridiculous about it anyway, and I've been on antidepressants for about a decade as my brain doesn't seem to function without them (used to have bad panic attacks)
Am managing during the day but night times are worst, feels like if I start crying I won't stop. And it's not sort of standard crying, I'm either doing it without noticing or curled up howling

Help?

Whatever you feel is normal, it is okay to be desperately upset.

There’s a charity - blue cross I think - that offers free grief counselling, perhaps you could google that.

Would you like to tell us about your pet and share a photo?

There is no normal OP.

Pet loss can feel like losing a family member.

What did you lose? Do you want to tell us about them?

We had to have a beloved guinea pig put to sleep last week and I cried for about 24 hours solid. I felt bereft.

I would say let yourself cry as much as you need to and talk to people who will understand. Try not to bottle up your grief.

I know there are resources online if you google too.

I really sympathise with you. I lost ddog, Daisy in Nov & it took me about 6 months to recover.
Losing a pet is such a huge loss, they area family. Feel how you feel, grief is very personal and there's no right or wrong.

Thinking of you at this sad time x

I had her for just under 10 years and it seems she probably had a heart attack and died overnight. She wasn't unwell at all so it was unexpected
I posted some nail photos earlier so it won't let me post any more today
I don't know if this will work

[url=<a class="break-all" href="https://postimages.org/%5D%5Bimg%5Di.postimg.cc/0NpK5M4d/F18-F5-C77-9771-487-D-9-ADF-4-D80-AA44-A8-C7.jpg%5B/img%5D%5B/url" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://postimages.org/][img]i.postimg.cc/0NpK5M4d/F18-F5-C77-9771-487-D-9-ADF-4-D80-AA44-A8-C7.jpg[/img][/url]

Trying again
https://i.postimg.cc/0NpK5M4d/F18-F5-C77-9771-487-D-9-ADF-4-D80-AA44-A8-C7.jpg

Beautiful. What a lovely picture. You cry when you want to, I'm sorry she's gone. Forever in your heart though.

Oh she is beautiful, photo to treasure

YesQueen

I am so sorry for your loss.... Never think it is not normal to grieve over your pet. You didn't say what it was. I lost my first Labrador 8 years ago and I cried for months. It took me 3 years before I could speak to people about him without crying. I have 2 more Labs now, but I still miss my first. Cry as much as you need, and talk to friends & family about how upset you are. Get some support for your grief. Don't think there is a time limit for this. It takes as long as it takes, and you know what... That's OK. Good luck x

I've just seen your lovely photo... No wonder you are feeling low. Give yourself time, the happy memories will come back.

I can type about it and I am say what's happened but the minute anyone says "are you ok?" Fucking stupid question then I get upset
I know it's because whatever hell I went through (and there has been more than fair), she was always there, and now it's the worst hell and all I want is to wrap my arms around her

I’ve always had pets but I’m not that sentimental about them. I know their life expectancy is short relative to mine. But I do understand how some people are very attached. So it’s normal unless it really starts affecting your day to day life - if you struggle to get out of bed and cope with day to day living for example. Then it’s time to see your GP.

I don't think there is a 'normal'. When my last cat died, I was utterly bereft and was no use to anyone for a week.

There are people who will not 'get it'. You just have to dismiss them. They simply cannot comprehend or respect the strong bond you had.

One of my first dogs died over 25 years ago, today a song played that reminded me of her, it still made me emotional even now.

So sorry for your loss

Ah op I totally understand. We lost our little guy 6 weeks ago now and most days at some point I sob my heart out and DH is no better.
All you can do is go with it. You'll learn to manage in time.
Be kind to yourself, it's a massive loss.x

I worked with horses for many years .
I understand what a huge part of your life they become .
It is heart breaking when they die particularly when it's sudden.
I got to work one morning to find one of the horse's that I looked after dead it looked like he had suffered from colic .
I had to phone the owner , that's a call I never want to make again.
The only thing I was grateful for was I managed to give him a brush and dress his stable ( make his bed ) so it looked like he had died quietly and peacefully.

I have had to have two of my own dogs put down ( many years apart ) and although I know I needed to do it as they were both in pain it was the hardest thing I had to do. I still re-live quite often and it upsets me a lot.

There is no normal time frame to grieve, don't be hard on yourself .
Accept help when it is offered.

Oh goodness, she's beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss. I agree that there's no normal - you can only feel what you feel. I've felt the loss of all my dogs and cats as keenly as losing any other family member. They are such hugely important parts of our lives, and the worry that others will judge us for grieving doesn't help matters. A sudden loss is particularly painful - so very sorry

I understand. She was beautiful.

Pet loss site www.theralphsite.com/

Also I found it helps to put a memorial photo on either an animal sanctuary site, such as Tower Hill Stables which has a memorial page www.towerhillstables.com/towerhill-aboutus.htm

Or on here in-memory-of-pets.com/

I have used the last 2 and will shortly been needing them again. It helps to go and look at the photos.

It's truly heartbreaking. Took us three days to even step back in the house without our angel. He was everything to each of us. Only time helps. Truly hope you're ok

Oh bless you no wonder. She was no age

Oh bless you. It is hard. Pets are companions. And horses much more so.
(I've had everything from hamsters to long living pets)
When I had my dog euthanised in January it was hard. I knew it was the right decision. And I know it was painless for her in the end. But my God, she left a hole in our life. And there were many times throughout her life that meant something to me.
I still miss her now.
Big hugs OP

Oh Queen I'm so sorry for your loss. They were your friend and a member of your family. It's okay to be heartbroken.

When my dog died, a couple of years ago, I was gutted. Couldn't sleep or eat. It was awful. It eased off after a couple of weeks and I could say his name without crying after a couple of months. After a few months it was much better. I'll always miss him but I can smile when I see photos or talk about him now.

You will feel better in time but yes, it's normal to feel grief. She's beautiful. x

Nothing ridiculous about it btw.

The Blue Cross have a pet bereavement helpline during the day. www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

Definitely no right or wrong. Some pets - I'm thinking horses, dogs and cats In particular - become such a huge part of your life, sometimes bigger than the humans in your life.

I still have occasional Moments about a horse I lost nearly 20 years ago. You take your time with it.

It is the same as losing a human family member for those who love their pets.

Have you lost anyone human to date? If so, how does it compare.

@Outsomnia yes, all my grandparents, my 33yo cousin recently, a pregnancy loss, a friend was murdered, one was killed by a horse, one to suicide
Honestly? Nothing like it. I scared my dad I think because he said I've never admitted I wasn't ok before and he's never heard me cry like it