Pet loss/grief

[YesQueen]

How do you know what is "normal"?
That's vague, I know! I am grieving, massively and it's probably the most heartbroken I've ever been
Not very good at judging stuff like this as I feel ridiculous about it anyway, and I've been on antidepressants for about a decade as my brain doesn't seem to function without them (used to have bad panic attacks)
Am managing during the day but night times are worst, feels like if I start crying I won't stop. And it's not sort of standard crying, I'm either doing it without noticing or curled up howling

Help?

Two years ago my dog suddenly became very unwell and had to be PTS(he would have died anyway, but in agony and it was the kindest thing to do). It was all so sudden, taken ill on the Friday night admitted to vets on Saturday morning, deteroirated suddenly on Monday and PTS.

It was honestly one of the worst experiences of my life. He wasnt an old dog, he was only five and it just came out of the blue. He was a rescue, found as a stray and we didnt know where he'd come from.
We still suspect that he'd had an underlying health condition we didnt know about.

I didnt think I could ever love another dog as much, and swore never again. But here is the thing, after a few months the house was so quiet and you can guess what happened next.. yes he is a 20 month old boisterous Lab now! I still think of our old dog all the time though, and I wont ever forget him. My DF still gets tearful over his childhood pet dog from 50 plus years ago.

we our our dear dog put to sleep 2 years ago, and I still miss her. We have another dog, but that other one was mine, she came to work with me, out and about at weekends, and i can honestly say that I cried more over her than either of my parents.

When my sons cat died I was inconsolable. I could not stop crying. Everyone in house wax upset but i cried and cried. After a few months he bought a new kitten and I did not think I could love hed as much as previous cat but now she is 1 1/2 and we all love her madly. In your own time, and it may take a long while, consider getting another dog. We have 2 dogs and love them to bits. They are such good company and so loving. Sorry your dog has died. It is always worse for owners when it is unexpected but kinder for your pet to go quickly and not linger in pain.

My pony who I bred and was with me for 28 years was put down at Christmas. My life choices and my daily life all revolved around her. She was really special.

The grief has not been like any others that I have experienced. It is as unique to her as my grief was unique to all the people I have lost. I can't explain it, but do understand it can be very bad with a horse.

@GOODCAT totally. The first thing I said before an op (I had emergency spinal surgery to save my legs) was "make sure I can ride"
After the op I did all my physio and gym work just to ride again, and I counted the days until I was back on. When I lost my job, she was my first thought. She's been my first and last for so so long and they're such a big physical presence

When our darling dog died this time last year my grief was on a par with the loss of my dear father twenty years previously. The dog was part of our lives for over fifteen years, his death was devastating! I'm so sorry for your loss x

I think I'm fairly 'normal', whatever that may be, but I recenly had my beloved dog PTS. She was 18, she had had three strokes and recovered well from each one but she suddenly deteriorated in a way that was impossible to watch.

I came downstairs this morning and looked for her, cried when she wasn't there. That happens a lot, but it is early days.

Pets do become members of the family!

Sorry for your loss, xx

Run free, beautiful girl.

I cry even now over my dog, pts 9 years ago and I’ve only just stopped crying over my horse that broke a leg in the field. It’s horrific, I honestly don’t know why we do this to ourselves, why we go and get more. We must be masochists!

As a pp said, there is no normal. My mum hasn’t yet cried over my dad dying a few weeks ago, I’m extremely emotional and have cried buckets. I couldn’t even go in the room where he died when I was up for the funeral, although I’m in it right now, took me a great deal of strength to cross the threshold.

We’re all different, don’t worry about being emotional and upset. Your girl was a huge part of your life. Makes me laugh when people ask if you have to go up on a Christmas Day to do the horse, like, yeah, how else will they get fed/cleaned?

Oh OP, we have to deal with this together. It’s debilitating at times, isn’t it?

I used to post over on the doghouse section of MN but since losing my ‘son’ 10 months ago, it’s not an option now.

As another poster mentioned, The Ralph Site is good. I’m receiving bereavement counselling and a few things stay in my head....

*The amount of pain you’re feeling now is the of love they received from you

*Loving you changed my life. It’s no surprise that losing you has done the same

*Give time time

I found Roxeanne Hawn’s ‘Surviving the loss of your canine soulmate. Heartdog’ the best book by far. She totally ‘gets’ it.

So sorry for your pain

If you've had all those losses maybe you haven't grieved them and this is the catalyst to let it all out.
Definitely see a counsellor about greif and loss x

I've seen a counsellor after pregnancy, had around a year of counselling which did help
I thought it was a fairly average amount TBH, I'm 35 so my grandparents died quite a while ago (one when I was 2, one at 5, one at 16 and one when I was about 19)

No that pattern of losses isn't normal, a young cousin, murder, suicide and a dreadful accident is horrific.
I'm 32 and I've had grandparents and great grandparents, and a miscarriage. That's it with the exception of pets.

I also missed out the mother issues, spinal surgery to stop me being paralysed and a diagnosis of being immunocompromised and on meds for life. Oh and a job loss after a decade in the job. I got ghosted by a boyfriend this year too
My friends seem to describe me as resilient...
Sometimes I have to laugh about it or I would go mad

You can only cram so much in the box before the lid blows off, resilience is good to a point but you do have to actually deal with it all eventually.

I do definitely feel like I've dealt with, or am at peace with the rest but the horse blindsided me completely

I can only liken it to me not crying through my separation or divorce and then when a long term casual relationship ended sobbing my heart out over what I thought was that guy. Was probably all the old relationship stuff but the new break up was the catalyst to cry it all out.

See losing a friend I knew for a couple of years was much easier than this. I think it is really really hard to describe if you don't have a horse. It's your entire lifestyle, social life and then the sheer amount of time you spend with them. There's not many people I spend 2-4hrs a day 365 days a year with!
But through all my losses, she was always there 🤷🏽‍♀️

YesQueen

Lost my beloved Dhorse in June this year so early days for me too . She had long term issues so made the awful decision to PTS before the first mini heatwave here (brought the dreaded day forward for that reason). Horses become part of our soul I think, they are such spiritual animals. Writing this now is bringing me to tears as I haven’t really dealt with it, just pushed it to one side.

I’m taking on my DH’s failed racehorse in a weeks time and feel that I should remove her name plate from what will be his stable, not sure that I can do it........

I have been grieving for her since her retirement last year, it was always going to be a short retirement I’m struggling to even look at photos of her atm.

It will get better in time, we need to be kind to ourselves