Should I offer to pay for this?

[namechangedasscared]

Hi,

I've got a bit of a dilemma and I'm not sure what to do, so thought I'd ask for opinions!

A friend who also happens to live quite close to me asked me to look after their kitten whilst they're away on holiday. No problem. She specifically asked me though to make sure that when I went in I didn't open the internal door until the outside door was shut and vice versa. The internal door is one of these that will only close properly if you sort of pull it and click the handle/catch at just the right time. If you just pull it it doesn't catch and therefore comes open.

When leaving there I was closing the internal door and the handle literally snapped in my hand. Bit of a panic because then I couldn't get it open again but resolved that by putting a clamp type of thing on the handle, then grabbing the back door keys in case it didn't work again.

So my question is, should I offer to pay for the internal door handle that broke? Normally I'm one for if you break it you pay for it - but it wouldn't have broke if I hadn't been doing what they specifically asked me to do, or the chances are it would have broken on them if they hadn't gone away (I wasn't too rough with it or anything - I'm always extra careful with other people's property).

We are absolutely broke (think texts twice a week advising over overdraft limit situation) and because of our wages not going up in the last 8/9 years but the cost of living going up, we have been in a pretty shit situation for some time. We never go out, have things in desperate need of repair/decorating/replacing at home but can't afford to, haven't had a holiday for more than 5 days as a max for years (not getting one at all this year), etc, etc. So if I do offer to pay for it, I genuinely don't even know how to pay for it (I already sacrifice having proper meals multiple times a week and I know my husband wouldn't be willing to eat just a bowl of cereal for dinner to save money). It's really embarrassing too.

So as not to drip feed, the friends we are cat sitting for have form for borrowing things from us and never returning them. Then when we've asked for it back they claim they gave it back/don't have it. Yet recently (just before asking for a favour funnily enough) one of them came round holding a DVD that we had lent them over 10 years beforehand that they adamantly denied having and claimed was their own copy when we asked them having seen it on their shelves (it was a favourite film of mine so was particularly annoyed) saying that they'd found this and realised it was ours. Of course by this point we'd replaced it because they'd told us they had "definitely returned it" before this. So I am wondering if having this in my head is making me think I shouldn't offer.

Also, they are the type of people that would absolutely accept such an offer, even if it realistically wasn't really right for the other party to pay. They themselves have plenty of money (made clear many times over the years by comments about how big the inheritance he received was and the fact that he doesn't even need to work full time), so not as if they are really broke and couldn't afford to pay for a repair themselves.

So what would you do? Should I suck it up and offer and see if I can find something in my house to sell (I can no longer work a second job due to ill health so that's not an option for me anymore)? Or do you think I should just explain what happened, apologise, but stop short of offering to pay for it?

I absolutely 100% genuinely don't think it was in any way my fault, and if it happened in reverse I'd never in a million years expect someone to pay me for it. But I feel really guilty even considering not offering to pay because I did break it.....

Thank you in advance!

No way. you are doing them a favour and their door handle broke! its just one of those things. If you are a friend they will trust that you used the handle properly and its not anyones fault.
Dont offer to pay, just let them know whats happened.

I wouldn't ask you to pay if you'd been doing me a favour by looking after my kitten. You don't say how long they are away for, but cattery fees normally cost me £150 - £200 when I'm on holiday.

They sound like CFs though, so be prepared for them to be awkward about it.

I don't think you should offer to pay - if they ask, it's really up to you whether you think the friendship is worth forking out for something that you don't morally owe.

I wouldn't take the money off you in a million years. You were doing them a favour.

I have cats, and an old house that isn't very well maintained. If someone was doing me a favour and looking after the cats, and something broke like a door handle, there's no way I'd ask for them to pay for it.

I think catsitting runs at about €10 to €15 a day so my view would be that I can pay for it out of the savings I would have made.

Having said that, given their general approach to property, they might be pissed off if you didn't pay. They wouldn't be justified asking for it , but they sound a bit grabby re borrowing and not returning stuff. Perhaps this could be just the row you need to distance a bit from them!

Text them "I pulled the door closed like you asked me to, but the handle came off in my hand, just letting you know. I've done a temporary repair but you may have to fix it when you are back."

Don't offer! If they ask, then you know they are grabby - and tell them "Sure you've saved so much on cat sitting, surely that can pay for it" and never give them free cat sitting again...

I couldn't take money off someone for an accident, when they were doing me a favour I'd asked for 😬

Don’t pay and don’t offer to pay or they will say yes. I would own up and perhaps apologise to be polite.
I pay a friend £15 per visit to feed my cat when I’m on holiday and I’m grateful that he does so.

Ok thanks I you for the fast responses! I do feel a lot better now that you think I shouldn't offer. I just feel so bad - but then I know that I'd say I'd knocked something over and broke it I'd not even questioned offering to pay! This was a bit more of a grey area because I did break it, but only because I was doing something that they asked.

I never even considered the fact I was saving them money by looking after the kitten so thanks for reminding me of that!

If you were my friend I wouldn't accept money off you at all. You were doing me a big favour and it was an accident - please don't offer to pay.

Sorry OP but none of them stack up as reasons not to offer to pay.( I am sorry!!) Just because you were doing her a favour and just because they asked you to do a certain thing and it resulted in a breakage doesn't mean it's not your fault. Also what they've done with your stuff doesn't have anything to do with it. Saying that, cos of your money situation I'd say don't make a deal out of it. They might be irritated or it might have been due to break anyway. Hope the money thing works out OP

No, even before the details about your financial situation and their previous form I didn't think you should pay. Sounds like it would have broken at some point, you just happened to be the one using it when it did.

I think offering an apology that it happened is quite enough. You're doing them a favor and following their instructions. If you had done something reckless i would feel differently maybe but in these circumstances i don't think you should pay

OP it sounds like it was already broke, due to how you had to forcefully close it. Absolutely not, and if they were any type of friend they would not ask you to. It was clearly on the way out therefore they would be CFs to even consider itZ

A door handle coming off in your hand isn’t really the sort of thing that you should pay for. Knocking an ornament off a shelf/breaking a mug/knocking a lamp off a table etc etc are the sort of things that if you cause, you should pay to fix or replace.

The handle would have come off in their hand when they were back. It’s not your responsibility to fix, but I would mention it to them so that they know. It might have been dodgy for a while. And depending on how grabby you really think they are, may well have expected it to break and be replaced by you?

Can you not somehow mend it? Glue it?

Yes don’t pay. I’ve just paid £63 cattery fees for 6 nights. You are saving them money and if you hadn’t been pet sitting it would have broken off in their hand at some point, it’s just bad luck.

If they start hinting that you should pay, tell them to knock it off the pet sitting fees you are owed!

Do not pay and do not word this as though you broke it. It came off in your hand through wear and tear, that happens.
If they request payment then they're not genuine friends so stop worrying what they think and do up your own bill for cat minding.

Don’t pay and don’t offer to pay or they will say yes. I would own up and perhaps apologise to be polite.

EEEK if you apologise you're accepting responsibility. Be very factual - "YOUR door handle broke, I had quite a job to sort out the problem".

As others have said, the door was already faulty so you didn’t actually break it.

And you are saving them money and angst by avoiding a cattery - kitten’s Are hard work!

Thanks all! It's quite an old house (and therefore the internal door is reasonably old - at least 10 years as it was there before they moved in) and it's not like a modern internal door handle. It is just a completely straight metal one. I cannot imagine anyone being strong enough to snap a metal door handle in half (I'm most definitely not, I'm a right weakling lol) so I do think it must have been on its way out already. I guess if they had been home it might not have broken this week - because they wouldn't necessarily of needed to close the door twice a day going in & out as more likely one of them home to stop the kitten escaping when the other usually leaves.

Obviously I'm going to apologise profusely anyway, I'm mortified it's even happened. If they do ask me to pay I'll find a way (can't sell a kidney though - that's one of my health issues) but I certainly won't do them a favour again. Doing someone a favour shouldn't cost me money for only doing as they asked is the way I see it. They told me multiple times to make certain the door was shut because they were terrified the kitten would get out of the house otherwise, so I really was only doing what they asked.

Thanks for the support, and almost unanimous opinion that you don't think I should be paying. Really hoping the one person who said they think I should pay isn't my friend replying to this whilst they're on holiday!

Don't apologise profusely, yes tell them it broke "must have been on the way out" (it will have been) and if they bring up paying for it tell them to take it out of your sitting fees!

Cattery fees here are £7.50 per night, you weren't careless just unfortunate for it to happen on your watch.

Can you not somehow mend it? Glue it?

I did look at it to see if it could be mended, but not sure if glue would be strong enough. I got my husband (who's handy with DIY) to come and help me get it open to get into the house and he just gave me a look when I suggested gluing it!

I've just remembered something else about these - a few months ago they asked us if we would drive the husband over to collect a trailer from somewhere about an hour away, as they hadn't put a tow bar on their car yet. They knew we were skint and obviously said they'd pay us for the fuel. When my husband got there the friend paid with cash and then said he hadn't got enough to give us the fuel money that day, so would drop it round. He never did, despite us outrightly mentioning to him 3 times that he still owed us that tenner (would have cost more than that, but that's basically what he decided they'd pay). I remember now it completely ruined our day because we were supposed to be taking our 14 yr old son an hour in the completely opposite direction to meet his girlfriend and because our friend said it had to be right in the middle of the day, we had to change all of our plans for that to the next day and meant that even if we had been able to afford to, there was nothing we could do on that day. I'm really starting to wonder why we still do these friends any favours!

Obviously I'm going to apologise profusely anyway,

You're a lost cause 🤣

Text them "I pulled the door closed like you asked me to, but the handle came off in my hand, just letting you know. I've done a temporary repair but you may have to fix it when you are back."

This is the perfect response. I also agree with NOT apologising (and I'm normally a profuse apologiser!). You want it to come across as one of those things. It sounds like it wasn't your fault and could have happened to anyone.

I said about apologising profusely before the additional comments cans on saying don't apologise. I'll struggle to not apologise at all (I literally apologise for everything even when it's not my fault) but I will make sure it's more of a casual sorry it's going to cause you hassle rather than an admission that I did something wrong!