Tell me about having a third child after a 4-5 year gap

[Equimum]

We are very fortunate to have two beautiful children, now aged 3 & 6. They are the lights of our lives, and we only ever planned to have two. Ever the younger was born, though, we have both thought a lot about the possibility of having a third, and now we sort of feel that it’s now or never.

We get that three will cost more, make restaurant bookings difficult, holiday packages harder, and limit our choice of cars. ATM, though, we anticipate many years of camping holidays, we currently have a big enough car etc.

My question, therefore, is that if you have a third with similar age gaps, how has it worked for you, and how has it affected your other children?

Watching with interest as I feel the same and have children same age.

Must say though am a middle child of three, and my younger brother came along when I was 5. Everything was so fun with three of us, having two best friends with me all the time, despite the age gap. Appreciate it doesn’t always work out that way though!

Thanks Hen. I really appreciate hearing your experience.

I have two with a two-and-a-half-year gap and then had a third eight years later - a bigger gap than you're considering, and I suspect slightly easier (in that interests are very distinctly divergent and the older two, now dd is coming up to 4, are old enough to be quite independent). The big two adore her and I've really enjoyed it, but we've never been bothered by the back-to-square-one thing (as it seems you aren't either, and with the younger one at 3 you're still quite in the thick of it anyway).

I'm due #3 5.5 years after #2, and have 5.5 years between #1 and #2 - I never felt ready to have another before then for some reason! I've loved the age gap so far, my eldest is genuinely helpful with #2, they have their moments like any siblings but love each other deeply. I love being able to focus on a newborn entirely which is much easier when the older sibling is at school. Ask me in 5/6 months but so far I'm feeling excited about doing it all again with another 5.5 year age gap 🙂

We have 2 years between DS1 and DS2, then 4 years between DS2 and DD.

They get along fine mostly and she can definitely hold her own with two older brothers

Similar thoughts here too, I'm worried that the gao between 2 & 3 will be too big. I'm one of 3 & there are 5 yrs between us & we all were & are very close.

We have similar gaps, our eldest who were 7& 4 when we had the youngest. He is 6 months old now & he is absolutely the light of all our lives. The bigger kids completely adore him &the gap means they’re not very jealous - they don’t really seem to see him as a “threat”. It helps that he’s a very smiley, easy going baby but I think we also parent him in a much more calm way, we know he’s our last so we make sure we remember to enjoy him!

Youngest born when middle one was five so far working well. The bigs ones love having a baby bombing around and play nicely with him but are still very close.

Thanks everyone. I was expecting far more mixed responses, but then again, I don’t know many people with this sort of gap. It’s definitely reassuring to hear that people have had positive experiences, both as a child and as parents. I am one of three, but there is much larger age gap between my older siblings and I. In many respects, I was like an only child, and have always been keen to avoid that.

I am that third child, with siblings 4 and 5 years older than me. It could have just been our family dynamic/individual personalities, but my siblings didn't interact with me much when we were growing up. They were always at different stages to me - junior school when I was in Infants, secondary by the time I reached juniors, and they didn't want their kid sister hanging around them. Maybe if the age gap had been greater, they might have been more willing to spend time with me.

As adults we get along fine. We're not particularly close, but it's always nice when we meet up. I finally feel on a par with them, and not the annoying kid sister

I have an age gap of 2 years then 4 years. At the moment they are 2,6 and 8 and they get along so well. The only issue I have, especially with it being the holidays now, is that sometimes I need to put a bit more thought into activities that they will all enjoy at their various ages.

In many respects, I was like an only child, and have always been keen to avoid that.

@Equimum - I didn't say this in my post, but I felt like this too, with "only" a 4 and 5 year age gap between us.

I'm one of four. I was the middle child. There was six years between us in total, 3 between me and the eldest, 3 between me and the youngest. We're all pretty close.

But, yes, my younger siblings are twins. Which is why I will never go onto have a third child incase I end up with four instead!!

Three year gap between my second and third but our third is the best thing we ever did!

Thanks Origin, that is one of my big concerns, as is the possibility of having twins Fatted.

Activities and days out is something i hadn’t really considered. We are very outdoorsy, so hopefully that would work to an extent, but, yes, I can see challenges!

Yes twins scare me too!

Following this as planning the same sort of gap. I’d actually of liked to have had them all close together but have had to be in various medications that have put ttc on hold. Starting to feel that may have been a blessing in disguise and it may be much easier to have a 4-5 year gap between dc2 and dc3 rather than only 1 or 2 years

Mine are teens/20s now but age gaps were baby, 6, 7, 12.
It’s bern great for the youngest now 14, she is very mature and sensible for her age, very independent. The other 3 never babied her, she kept up with them and it’s worked well. Initially it is a shock going back to a wee baby but the older kids do help you out and you’re a seasoned pro by that point.

I haven't but know two families who had a third with a six year gap. They were fine! The older children adored (and bossed!), the 'baby' of the family.

My boys were 9&6 when my daughter was born. They doted on her, she is so spoilt by her big brothers. She is a total joy and a funny little girl, so different to her big brothers at this age!

I do worry about her feeling like an only child as the boys get older and don't want to play with her anymore (I'm 8 years older than my brother and I adored him until I was 13 and he was 5 -then he became annoying trying to follow me lol) but your age gap will be much smaller so I'm sure it will be fine.

Try not to over think days out etc, while babies are small and not mobile they are portable - sling, car seat, pram etc you can take them anywhere albeit needing to stop for feeding and changing! It gets bit harder when they are on the move as they want to be into everything and you have to remind the older ones not to leave Lego laying around.... I'm kind of getting to certain days out not appealing to both ages tho as soft play and farms are less appealing to a 10 year old and cinema/theme park is less suitable to a toddler but it's mostly fine!

I don't regret number 3 for a second she makes me smile every day and like another poster said as she's definitely our last we are making sure we make the most of each stage!

I am a middle of 3 with a brother 5 years younger. As an adult looking back I think my parents struggled with 3 and were quite stretched but my sister and I loved our little brother and he was a brilliant addition to our family. I don’t think my childhood would have been as good as it was without him.

We have a two year gap between dc1 and dc2, then a four year gap between dc2 and dc3.

We found it fine, everyone got on well and looked after/played together etc really well. It was still good when dc4 came along 3 years later, didn't put us off!

There is nearly 6 years between #2 and #3 here. Tbh, he is the most utterly adored and over indulged terror of a toddler. From the moment they found out I was pregnant both our big kids were hugely excited, and he is still their favourite person now at nearly 2. He is such a happy, confident little chap, in part I think because there are so many people pleased to see him all the time! 😂

It has had its challenges tbh, I am a little sleep deprived at the moment, hotel rooms will become a pain when he is too big to class as an infant, I'd forgotten how annoying chasing a toddler around when out and about is etc. Life would be way easier without him, but I wouldn't swap. He's brought so much love and joy to an already very happy, loving family unit. Watching the older kids fall so utterly in love with him has been really special. Dh and I often say we feel like we have given them the ultimate pet.

Of course the dynamic will change over the years.

I have a 5.5 year age gap. I ended up on my own by the time the second was born so I was glad of the bigger age gap as it meant she was a bit more independent than if she'd been a toddler. Mornings were made a bit easier in that she could dress herself etc. They are now 2 and almost 8 and absolute adore each other. My toddler copies everything she does and was crying when she went into school this morning. I also thought the age gap would mean no fighting but unfortunately not!!

I had that gap - and the older ones competed over who was the baby's favourite, and ignored her. It worked better than a friend who had a 5 year gap between her eldest and second.
Three is easier than 4 - can be squeezed into a normal car (at least at certain ages). As a baby you can get them in a cot into a budget hotel room etc. But 2 to 3 does change a family dynamic.