High energy families v low energy families

[Linseedlill]

We're on the return journey from doing the usual summer "tour" of family and friends. (For information: we alternate. One year they visit us. The next year we visit them.)

Anyway, it struck me this time how differently we all operate as families. Some are very high energy, for example, returning from a long haul flight and hosting us the next morning, including biking to nearest beauty spot, prepping a picnic, taking us to a museum and cooking us dinner all in the same day on very little sleep (even though we insisted they shouldn't go to any trouble on our behalf). The children aged nine and eleven and seemed fine with it. At the end of the day, we were more tired than they were! And we were all up at the crack of dawn again the following morning to ride at a local country show (the reason for our visit). A bit chaotic but they achieved a lot and seemed to have a lot of fun!

Another family we visited, the children aged eleven and fourteen, took things a lot slower. The children never appeared at breakfast, and were only (just) dressed by lunch time. They planned trips out meticulously but had quite a few days in between not doing very much and it took a lot of effort and negotiating (and stress frankly!) to actually get the DC out of the front door. The DC weren't using tablets excessively or anything, but they didn't seem to do much except wrestle in the sitting room!

Those are just two examples (no special needs involved) at opposite ends of the spectrum and we had an equally lovely stay with both families (and several others in between).

Here comes the judgy bit which is wrong of me I know but I couldnt help reflecting that the DC in the first household will perhaps eventually be better adapted for adult life: able to put up with a degree of discomfort whilst remaining polite and cheerful, be flexible, generous ( in deed) to others and, practically speaking, be able to be up and off in the mornings in a flash!

It made me reflect that perhaps we are giving our DC too easy a ride tbh and adapting our days too much to their wishes. DH and I have been talking about it on the way home and and I've decided off the back of this trip to be a bit more demanding of our DC (who can be very focused and energetic when they want to be, but aren't always very obliging when they don't)!

I guess it all depends on the characters of individual children and how much stress they can tolerate etc. Anyway, I've been wondering (during airport delays!) how high energy or not do you think your family is? And if you pack a lot in, is this a deliberate strategy, or is it just something you inherited from your own parents?

Family no 1 seem a bit ott to me. Who hosts another family the day after a long haul flight?

I always need two days hibernation after a long haul for things like washing, sleep, some nice food etc.

Wise words Hettie

I know Viola & Benjispruce I couldn't do it. This family are legendary though! They live life at such an intense pace all the time. They were actually hosting another family two days after we left and were attending another horse show the day in between!

Camomila To be fair both parents of family no.1 are very energetic.

Hoolajerry I love the sound of your holiday too!

I come from a very low energy family and it's definitely obvious with all of us siblings. My parents were and still are the type to see everything as a hassle or an intrusion rather than something that's just ordinary life or could even be enjoyed and we all kind of absorbed that through our childhood.

I mean I can understand why people might not want to host first thing after a long haul flight but mine get back from a lazy weekend in a hotel a two hour train ride away and then can't possibly consider eg coming for lunch three days later! They turn down invitations to things because we'll only just have got back, we'll need a chance to catch up with ourselves!. When they've been invited out a week later .

Oh and it's not just socializing btw: the tiler can't possibly start in the bathroom on Wednesday because of the aforementioned "catching up with themselves" having got back from their 2 day break the previous Friday!

I don't think it is a case of introvert/extrovert tbh. I'm an introvert, I couldn't be mistaken for anything else but I don't have their negative, everything's too much hassle attitude (had to work on that). It'd be ok if they were actually content that way but my mother in particular complains of being bored all the bloody time! Suggest joining the active retirement club ten minutes down the road or taking a class in the local college just minutes away and the answer is Nooo, I don't want to be committed to anything... It's draining to be around such a negative, stick in the mud, can't be faffed attitude.

I’m not that bad either Pauline

My in laws are all high energy.
BIL, his wife and kids moved back here from another country. They packed up all their belongings in two days and flew for hours, then drove for four hours to get here, arriving early hours of Saturday morning. Sunday they were up at 6 to compete in a family triathlon!
PIL and DH's other siblings are the same, busy, busy, busy.

The downsides are nephews and nieces struggle to just 'be'. They need constant entertainment.
My older kids occasionally struggle spending time with PIL, sometimes they just want to be with them relaxing at their house but PIL drag them out on hikes, visiting etc.
All of them have difficulty when they are ill. They can't stay at home and recuperate, they visit people when their still ill which is annoying and sometimes prolong their illnesses by not resting.

I am low energy, routines and itineraries stress me out. DH is higher energy and we meet in the middle and make a pretty good team.

We're pretty low energy (I have arthritis and DC3 is disabled) so we have plenty of downtime. I make sure its not all screen time of course and my older 2 are fab at entertaining themselves. 6yo can now read chapter books fluently, so he loves a "lazy afternoon in"

I'm lucky in that we are central London based and have loads on our doorstep. So even last summer with my arthritis and the baby being hooked up to a pump to feed, we are able to do things like splash park, canal walks, nature reserve, adventure playgrounds, museums, Thames, city farm.

We rarely go out from 9am-6pm for example but we always go out everyday.

Also mine are 6 and 4 and in full time education, do weekly swimming and quite frankly need a bit of rest time!

I just can't shake the feeling that family number one with their emphasis on "doing" have it right somehow!

This is why life is hard when you're a low energy adult - people think this all the time!

Some people like to be doing and other's don't - it doesn't make me happy to be doing 4 or 5 activities in a day and I can't enjoy myself in a leisurely pursuit if it is not, in fact, leisurely. Some of my friends are naturally high energy and that works for them!

We’re fairly high energy. Today, for example, my DCs and I were out at 7.30 for a 5k family run (they both train at the local athletic club so like to get in some ‘leisure’ runs during the week). Then we went out for brunch and did some shopping. After that we met a friend at the park for a walk. We chilled once we got back home though. I read and the DCs did some craft then used their iPads. I struggle to do nothing TBH - something I’ve inherited from my mother! I’m not against a morning or an afternoon in but I like to do something energetic every day if I can. DCs are the same - they like to be out and about and love playing outdoors and sports.