I think you mums are super human

[moobar]

Hello

Was thinking about my life driving home today and just wanted to say how absolutely amazing I think other mums are.

Sit tight, it's a ramble. So. I married young, twenty years ago. Ttc for fifteen long years. Multiple mcs, multiple failed IVF. Discarded from private clinic, discharged from nhs clinic. Came to terms with life. Fell pregnant with baby, waited to miscarry, didn't.

Baby born November. I went into shock. I've had a huge amount of counselling, but basically have Ptsd and pna.

I'm an extremely competent professional person. I specifically dealt with high high conflict child cases as a solicitor or domestic abuse cases acting solely for the victim.

I reached the "top" of my profession. I used to work fifteen hours on a good day, was on call twenty four, and need very little sleep.

I have just resigned. DD is eleven months old and I can barely get out the house some days. I think, from reading here, she is a high needs baby, she also doesn't sleep and scream,s bloody murder if I leave her for two seconds. I adore her. But I'm going to say it, this is so so hard. (I'm not allowed to say that as she was so wanted any complaint is not allowed).

I don't understand how you all do it. By the time I've got us up, fed, dressed, out for a walk, it's lunchtime. She then won't nap without me, so that's an hour gone as I fend emails. Then tea, bath, bedtime hell begins, two hours I've been rocking tonight. She will wake every hour. I am absolutely exhausted.

I see people working full time, part time, staying at home, multiple children, one child, all breezing through this.

This is neither a boast re work, or a moan, I'm just in awe, and wanted to say to you all, wow, and thank you. Because I may be shit at this, but by fuck I'm doing my best, and she is loved, if nothing else. And reading mumsnet and the stuff I've learnt from here has really kept me going.

Ps I've not checked this and am typing one fingered and I am not correcting it

Never forget how amazing you are. You’re a super mum too! None of us breeze through parenthood, we just find a rhythm that works!

Congratulations on your DD, it will get easier :)

And p.s, of course you can complain. It is fucking hard sometimes! Doesn’t mean we love the little minions any less

Sounds like you're doing great. I really struggled at that age, and my DD was not a high needs baby. It turned a corner around thirteen months old.

FWIW, I don't think working makes it any harder. Someone else does all the baby care while you're out and you get some relief from the repetition. I was so ready to go back to work at 11 months but just had a holiday off with her now she's a bit older and am gutted to have to go back!

Hang in there.

My second dd( now nearly 14) was exactly the same. Nightmare. She's the most laid back teen in the land now! Oh the irony! Hang in there. It gets better.

Ok just step back for a min and see yourself how I see you and how you truly are. You’re a warrior!

Raising to the height of such a demanding career = warrior.

Fighting for so many years to fave a baby and never truly giving up = warrior.

Now deciding to give up a career to parent whilst fighting very much understandable with all you e been through ptsd etc = warrior.

You’ve achieved so so much and now are doing what I considered to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Surviving DD’s high need first year nearly finished me off.

Your DD is loved and you’re doing great so give yourself a massive pat on the back and credit for being seriously kick ass. You might but feel it or see it but you are.

I'm hoping I'm using high needs correctly. By this I mean absolutely attached to me at all times. I do not even get five minutes when she plays. She is constant.

Work, I don't get it. I completely understand the childcare. I've enrolled her for a day a week as of September, but I can't work!! I need to be one hundred percent available for people who are at their most vulnerable. I need to build trust, understanding and insight. I can't do that whilst rushing off to pick up DD, or worrying about her. I could be in a hearing with someone today which is continued to tomorrow. What If I don't work tomorrow? I can't leave them!

I spent hours in refugee, hours. I can't do my job properly and as these people deserve.

It's maybe time for a change but even then. I'm so exhausted I can barely think straight. I just think you are all so great. Honestly. Amazing.

No one is breezing through parenting.

It looks like that from the outside (because when you are finding it hard everyone else looks peaceful and serene!).

Keep getting help from wherever you can - you can get through the though bits xxx

Just wanted to say, there’s nothing you’re not allowed to feel, nothing you’re not allowed to say. Everything is valid.

I had an easy first baby, total non sleeper second time around. It’s hard. I love her but I try to acknowledge and allow my 3 year old’s feelings (“send her back mummy ”) and mine!

This is the first time I've openly admitted how hard I'm finding this, and I'm crying.

Infertility is way harder, as are miscarriages. I count my blessing every second of every day. But my fucking god it's hard!! I can't even go for a pee. Everyone said oh when she starts solids, oh when she moving. It just gets harder. She NEVER stops.

I see other babies sitting playing, not a chance.

She is everything I have dreamed and more, but she absolutely consumes me.

I think everyone should start being honest about how hard it is. I don’t think anyone finds it a breeze and we do each other a disservice to pretend it’s easy.

I had to step off the career ladder after having 2 very close together. Have retrained now but I used to look at other women and wonder how they did it all.

I had ivf twins, much wanted, not easily acquired but the first year was hard work, very hard work.
And neither of my pair were that high needs.
I went back part time after a year to an emotionally and intellectually challenging job and honestly found it a break.
You are doing great, parenting can be hard.

It’s hard, my two are adopted and I spent the first 6 months thinking I had lost my mind. I completely changed jobs btw, from having a very senior role with very vulnerable young people to a non-case work role because I simply didn’t have the headspace for the complexities of the work while trying to cope with parenting. I honestly think the “have it all” thing is a total myth, something has got to give and for me it was my career. Don’t regret it for a second.

Bless you. I bet you are doing a grand job!!

Truth is I think everyone is just blagging it and anyone who looks to have it all together probably hasn't behind closed doors, and if they do they probably just have an easy baby.

I'm a bit confused about your work/childcare situation - you mention fending emails whilst you are with your DD?

I may have misunderstood but if not, just to say that I think working and looking after a baby at the same time is totally impossible. I work while DD is at nursery or with DH and anything else would just never happen!

Also, I found it did get easier. Honest.

In real life, I've never heard anyone says it's hard.

I've lost my oldest friend, because she has been a complete cow, but also because she has been like oh haha, you can't cope. This is someone who I have pulled from rock bottom, time and time again, yet she came to see DD bringing three children full of the cold, when she was home one day after a week in hospital.

Career has to give, and I'm ok with that, because for me it was always about helping and fighting for those victims and children. I was absolutely resolute that you should not be doing that if you couldn't do it properly. Family law is hard at the best of times, let's face it happy cases don't go to court. But if representing people in an extremely vulnerable position you need to be there, and I can't.

Yet today as I've thought a lot I keep coming back to the awe at everyone else. Genuinely, it's something to be proud of. And I don't think it's said enough.

Some kids really are just harder work than others (and those with the easy kids won't understand that their "hard days" are a spirited child's easy ones). Your challenge is greater, but you'll find a way to meet it - and well. You're highly capable, don't ever forget what you've achieved in your life. You did that and you'll do this. Keep on keeping on.

My extremely clingy DD who never slept and cried morning noon and night, got much better once she was about 8 months old and is now a pretty fabulous teen who gives me much less trouble than my friends kids give them. It gets easier.

Btw in real life I told everyone how hard it was. Moaned my ass off at the shock of it. But I’d die for DD and she knows it so it’s all good in the end.

We're all only doing our best for our little ones, don't forget that you are doing a brilliant job!

This from your op stood out to me:
I adore her. But I'm going to say it, this is so so hard. (I'm not allowed to say that as she was so wanted any complaint is not allowed
You are allowed to complain, raising a child is a bloody hard thing, as wanted as they are, they are still frustrating, they will still drive us to dispair. And with every thing they do that makes you question your choices, they will do 3 things that will cement how good a choice you made!

Thank you. Writing this out helps. But this was meant to be a genuine thank you.

As I drove, I thought about my day, I am honestly a grafter. I just can't get a thing done. I'm also possibly a little OTT on safety but DD is not the type to be trusted out of sight. I bought a playpen as a last resort and she Rams herself against the side and tips it.

So I start up at six, and this is me eating tea while typing now. I'm sure dh is thinking WTF is she doing all day. But he's not as he had her for an hour this afternoon whilst I cleaned toilets and hung washing and he aged ten years.

I should add he's wonderful, but a farmer and absolutely working to the bone at the moment.

She sounds a bit like my lad. Velcro child. Breastfed constantly. All through thr day and night if I'd let him. Would not sit still. Other kids sit and play in one place, not him. And i always had to be involved. And the bedtimes...horror or horrors...
He's now 4, about to go to school, plays by himself, is caring and interested in the world and lovely.
It gets easier.
Like you I had (have) so much guilt about feeling like motherhood is hard work, because he us our miracle rainbow baby. But even tho it was hellish getting him, he can still be a sod. It's ok to complain and find it really really hard. It will get easier.

Moo I'm not a Mum. Still at the repeated ivf and miscarriage stage of my life. Hopefully no more miscarriages. Still ttc. But I have heard that having a baby after years of treatment and losses is harder than it would be if you ttc for a few months 'naturally' and then got pregnant. Infertility and fertility treatment is traumatic. Really hard. Miscarriages are awful and can mess you up for a long time afterwards. Nothing to do with how strong you are etc, just fucking hard. You're a fighter who never gave up. That's amazing. Be proud of how much you got through. It's no wonder you were emotionally and mentally exhausted after all that. I can't imagine what it's like to have a baby but I know a little but if me is scared of it after all these years of trying. Be very kind to yourself and don't fit a second think you're anything less than brilliant.

You are just as much a superhuman as any other Mum. Dont forget that. My two were never too clingy but even then I really did tear my hair out on occasion.

If you feel working is too much right now then go for it and take a break. Sure sounds like you deserve it.
However, to keep in the loop as it were, could you offer your skills and experience to those just entering the profession? If you cant commit to the job anymore, can you teach/mentor others to have that same level of drive and skill to help even more people in the long run.

Yep, I have one of these. She’s my world but honestly she’s had me literally pulling my hair out.

Is she walking her? (Sorry if you already said or not).

That was a game changer for us as I can now take her to the park, let her run around and tire herself out.

We never got the sit on the playmat stage. She crawled before she could sit and screamed constantly (still does sometimes). By 12 months things were a lot easier though. She’s 14 months now and still hard work but so confident and advanced. Nursery 3 days a week has helped. I get to pee by myself the majority of the time now I have babyproofed I can let her toddle around.

It’s really fucking hard though isn’t it. I was envious of people with easier baby! However, I think all the clingying has actually made her more confident now we’ve come through the other side.

Please remember everything is just a phase.

You are 100% allowed to complain. Parenting is hard and nothing can prepare you. You're doing great and it does get better

I had my baby after 10 years of ttc & repeated mc and I adore her more than I ever imagined, I would die or kill for her without a second thought.

But my good grief it is unrelenting hard work and she is a very easy baby. Either her or I have been ill either colds & coughs for the last month and I was so exhausted I am not sure I even know how to improve things.

I don’t think people commonly talk about how hard it is, I am in my 40s and someone said something about it being harder because I’m older.... yes well it wasn’t by choice!!

There are moments when I genuinely think how did my life get to this (at the moment I have a chest infection and guess what coughing causes a few months post labour).

I am trying to talk openly to friends about how difficult it is because people keep saying ‘how natural’ I am at it & how I’m ‘so relaxed’ etc. I think I must be a swan with some serious paddling going on underneath!

I’m so tired I don’t know what day it is / what happened yesterday etc but I guess we just get on with it. I’ll stick to my stated aim of hoping by the end of the day everyone is still alive! No more no less!

Well done to all you amazing mothers out there, you are doing a fantastic job 👍