No one replied to my thread in mental health and I feel so alone

[FFSOMG]

I’m currently in a psychiatric intensive care unit (PICU) after being transferred here from an acute ward. Ive been in hospital since October, barring three weeks at home in May. I have ward round tomorrow which I’m really nervous about.

Today I saw my psychologist and we talked about my childhood abuse. I text my father saying I just want an apology for the things he said to me, and gave examples. He did his usual gaslighting and denied having ever said those things, or having bullied my stepmother into killing herself.

My brain is whirring tonight and I can’t switch offs. I’ve had diazepam and zopiclone. None of tonight’s night staff are that approachable for a chat.

I’m diagnosed bipolar and EUPD, but I’m hoping to get the EUPD changed to c ptsd.

I suppose I’m looking for a hand hold, although my bloody phone and iPad are both early out of battery' so apologies if I disappear.

I wish I could think of something worthwhile to say to you FFSOMG, but I can't. For what it's worth, I'll be thinkingof you.

Try clearing your mind by focusing on your breathing. Lie still, breath deeply and slowly, listen to the sound of your breath.

It works for me.

If you're really in crisis, talk to the staff. It's what they're there for.

Here's my hand...

I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.

I'm sorry your father has gaslighted you, but not really surprising.

Hand hold here op.

What’s EUPD?
I am also thinking of you. I’m sorry you are suffering and feel alone.
Is it possible to have no contact with your dad? He is clearly a source of pain for you.

Handhold.

Well done for texting your dad, even though you didnt get the response you needed it's good to have got your feelings out.

While you're still on a PICU do you think it's an appropriate time to start psychology, or may it be best to wait until you're more stable?

Try and speak to staff on the ward if you can, I know you say they're unapproachable but maybe choose someone you know the best.

10 months is a long time What are you most nervous about for ward round? Has there been any speak of leave? Do you want leave?

Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder

Sending love 💖

I am thinking of you too FFSOMG. I hope you get the change in diagnosis you want but if not that you continue reaching out to care for yourself.

Do you like mindfulness? The Headspace app is a good start or there are videos on YouTube.

Have a 5 minute wander, get a glass of water, nip to the loo and then put your phone down and do mindfulness/breathing exercises. Focus on your breath, on the way your limbs feel, the noises you can hear, can you smell anything? Dont change or regulate your breathing in anyway. If your mind wanders then acknowledge it and then bring it back. I find the mountain mindfulness exercise peaceful, you can find it on Google.

A quick body scan can be relaxing, start with the tips of your toes and make your way up to your forehead. Tense and relax each body part until it feels weightless.

Hi there, FFSOMG (that's the best username I've seen for a while). I'm thinking of you and wishing you well for your ward round tomorrow. I am so sorry you are having this situation with your father in your life, it sounds heart breaking. Go well x x

I picture a deep pool at my centre (which sits at my neck level basically in my personal image) and it’s so deep and so wide that it absorbs everything. I’m sorry, I don’t know specifically what would help you with a hand hold.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=palousemindfulness.com/docs/mountain%2520meditation.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwig4eGp_4XkAhXHUxUIHVheAfEQFjAEegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw0VrES2Nn0OIwPKbLpbQt4t" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=palousemindfulness.com/docs/mountain%2520meditation.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwig4eGp_4XkAhXHUxUIHVheAfEQFjAEegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw0VrES2Nn0OIwPKbLpbQt4t

Thank you for your replies x

I’ll try the mindfulness activities now, I’d forgotten those; breathing and body scan etc

Reaching you my hand to hold too OP, you are so strong reaching out for support like this, hope you get all things in a better place 🌺🌺🌺

Im a mental health nurse... I know it's easier said than done but try not to focus on the diagnosis- WE as professionals know that EUPD is trauma. In years to come EUPD will be scrubbed in favour of complex trauma.

Try this technique- inhale for 4, and then purse your lips gently and blow out for 8 - this limits the amount of oxygen you take in (which stimulates your fight or flight system) and instead activates your polyvagal ( soothing) system.

Its really worth when you feel able to , googling how to activate your polyvagal system

Just be mindful that if you have been abused that the body scan can be triggering.

Another hand here 🌺

Oh lovely, there are some boards on here that get less visibility. I'm sorry, your dads an abomination.

Best of luck

You’ll never get what you want and deserve from your Father. I’m sorry you suffered with him. Hand hold here too.

(You’ll never get an apology I mean).

You know what he did and so does he. I just don’t think he’ll apologise so you have to find some other way of being OK without that. You can do it.

Agree - you could also try a 3 part yogic breath.

Breathe in through your nose filling your stomach m, then chest, then a last sharp inhale into your shoulders - the. Breathe out slowly emptying in reverse.

I also sometimes breathe in for ten, hold two, out ten - do the same for 9 down to one. Each time imagine a warm glow spreading to your extremities and then revealing into your heart space x

Receeding*