No one replied to my thread in mental health and I feel so alone

[FFSOMG]

I’m currently in a psychiatric intensive care unit (PICU) after being transferred here from an acute ward. Ive been in hospital since October, barring three weeks at home in May. I have ward round tomorrow which I’m really nervous about.

Today I saw my psychologist and we talked about my childhood abuse. I text my father saying I just want an apology for the things he said to me, and gave examples. He did his usual gaslighting and denied having ever said those things, or having bullied my stepmother into killing herself.

My brain is whirring tonight and I can’t switch offs. I’ve had diazepam and zopiclone. None of tonight’s night staff are that approachable for a chat.

I’m diagnosed bipolar and EUPD, but I’m hoping to get the EUPD changed to c ptsd.

I suppose I’m looking for a hand hold, although my bloody phone and iPad are both early out of battery' so apologies if I disappear.

So sorry to hear about everything with your father. Another handhold here

I'm thinking of you too, OP. Hope you are starting to feel a little calmer and that you manage to drop off and get some sleep.

I would avoid having contact with your Father, don’t focus on getting an apology.

Good luck

What IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls said. EUPD is such a horrible, stigmatising, sexist diagnosis given to people (mostly women) who have been through unspeakable things. Sorry you're struggling OP. It wont always be like this x

Hope you managed to get some sleep, FFSOMG. Keep posting here if you need support.

They never do.

I'm INFj I should understand it, if you get desperate PM me.

Ill try my best to help.

I echo the other posters who say you are unlikely to get an apology from your father, he is not capable of behaving honourably.
He is a destroyer, cut him out of your life.

Hope you're ok today, OP - keep posting if you need to talk more. Hope the ward round went, or goes, ok for you.

How are you feeling today OP? Did you manage to practice some mindfulness etc last night?

Hi all,

I did practice some mindfulness techniques, and then the zopiclone kicked in! I’ve messaged my School bully today to tell her how her behaviour affected me when I was being abused at home too, as her Facebook page is all full of inspirational kindness style quotes. It felt cathartic, I ended it with “perhaps you’ve changed, perhaps you’re going to say you don’t remember it. Well I do. I remember it”

My husband and children are visiting me tomorrow so I have that to look forward to. I had ward round today and the doctor said he wasn’t going to change my diagnosis which I was disappointed with. I did a creative writing 1:1 workshop, and it started wi5h “my heart hurts” which is how I feel. Like my heart is full of lead.

Thank you for listening everyone x

Here’s a massive hug (((((((((((((())))))))))))) and to let you know. Even though I don’t know you I promise you I do care.
An apology is not worth anything, though. If he’s for want of a better word ‘forced’ to do it. It has to come from him. Xx

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I have eupd / bpd and I have a lot of involvement with psychiatrist etc. I know someone (not naming) who has been in acute, picu, acute and now picu again for over a year now. She is demoralised, upset and generally unwell. Being in hospital is not nice and even worse when it's fir a long time. I have been told days just merge into one. I can only offer you a handhold and hope the advice and support offered here can help you

Sending you much love, wishes and . I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.

Thank you. Throughout this I was suffering severe physical abuse at the hands of my mother. I’m only just starting to talk about it all. I don’t have psychology now until Wednesday, and then my last session (I’m only at PICU for 2 weeks) is Friday. I really desperately need longer term therapy, I keep getting let down by services and am just spending my life in hospital.

You’re very brave and courageous.
Love to you all.

Handhold @FFSOMG

And and

Hang in there lovely, and keep talking

Keep on keeping on FFSOMG. Sorry you are going through such tough times. Thinking of you and hope you enjoy your family visit.

🌸