Multiple children

[WanderingTrolley1]

What do you think of couples who have large families - say 4/5/6+ children?

I have four, youngest was unplanned and we discussed a termination as I'd previously ended an unplanned pregnancy after the birth of DC3 but within five minutes of starting the discussion we both knew we wanted a fourth child.

They're happy. It's hard work sometimes but I have no regrets. A lady stopped me yesterday to ask if they were all mine and when I said yes she did this little clap thing and patted DD on the head (nearest child to her) and told me it was wonderful, that I am a very rich woman to be have been blessed with such happiness. I'm making it sound like a really weird encounter but it wasn't, it was lovely. I do get the occasional stranger who will say my hands must be so full or will ask if we own a television (hahaha, haven't heard that one before...) but mainly I get positive comments.

I must say this thread is surprising me with its tolerance and lack of judgement: large families are usually completely dissed on here!

I have four DC and I think we are very aware of the environment, I think it’s pretty nasty to be judging people on their family size; they may have struggled to conceive then fortunately did, had fertility treatment etc, it’s none of anyone’s business. Would you judge someone for no kids?

Also they could be a blended family.

One of many children... God it is shit!

Do you speak from experience Son or is that just your opinion?

We have 4 altogether so far.
DD 11 and DS 10
DSD 11
And our DD Together who is almost 2 months old. We would love another to grow up with her due to the age gap so hopefully we will have 5 children altogether if we are lucky.

and of the majority of people who grew up in families of 5+

I really don't think you can speak for anyone other than yourself! My DSis has five... my niece told me she felt sorry for people with only one or two siblings.

I am one of many myself and didn't find it to be shit. We're all still close and so are our DC - I was out with one of my siblings on Saturday night, DN is sleeping over here tomorrow night, and over the bank holiday weekend we're all meeting up to do something but haven't decided what yet. Having several siblings doesn't mean that you're one of many or a homogenous lump.

That is my experience (and of the majority of people who grew up in families of 5+).

Ask them „Did you feel your parents brought you up as an individual“? The most frequent answer is „God No! I was just one of The Lads“... this is a conversation I have been part of many many times. So yeah, experience (and I would say my parents are much better than most tbh)

My DH would agree with this...he’s one of 5 too. It was a busy household. Not a lot of individual attention, or money for that matter.

If the parents are supporting them financially and the children are well cared for I think well done.

I have 3 children although my eldest is nearly 5 years older than my middle child. We were happy with just 1 child for years and couldn’t afford more. When we could afford more and had bought our house dh. we had another child but I didn’t feel done so when ds3 who was a surprise came along we were both delighted.

I won’t have anymore but that’s more to do with my health and finances etc. However I found the jump between 2 to 3 kids so little if circumstances were different and my health could take another pregnancy I would have another child. I love having 3 kids it’s busy but we both work, care for them between us and don’t rely on others so it’s our choice as far as I am concerned.

I'm the youngest of seven. As a child I was always second class, too young or something was a 'bit too good' for me. Bossed around and/or teased by some older siblings. Babied by my mother forever. Lousy relationship with father. I wouldn't consider myself a well-adjusted adult, by any means.

I don't recommend big families, but one-child families aren't necessarily that great either.

Well I have 5 so for me it’s fairly unremarkable.

Worrying about the environmental impact of having large families is not a judgement on parents' individual decisions. The main issue for me is that we know that we are less than 12 years from a catastrophic environmental tipping point and it makes me sad that our children and their children might have to live unimaginably hard lives in a boiling world.

Dp and I are both the eldest of 3 children.

I already had my ds when we met who was a toddler. Years later we had dd together and he got the snip.
We decided that our family was complete.
I do believe though that we rushed into the decision as we had a couple of scares and i know he regrets it.

My brother had 2 girls and decided to "try for a boy" and ended up with twin boys so
doubled his children. They've always struggled financially to be honest but 4 wasn't the original intention.

Mine are both like only children though as are now 8 and 16 and I do wish they had a sibling close in age sometimes.

I certainly don't think badly of big families ( apart from those who have more kids than fingers )

I only know one person personally with more than two children and she is pregnant with her 7th!
She seems a good mum but I often wonder how they afford them all and just don't understand the desire to have that many.
Little babies don't have to be expensive at all but paying out for a child for 18 years and beyond is! Also the one on one time you need with each child must be few and far between.

I'd like a third although I agree two children is more than enough because of the environmental impact but I come from a very non reproductive family and I'm the only one with any children anyway.
My only two aunts remained childless (I have some step cousins) and I have one older sister who definitely isn't having any. DH siblings are a lot older and their two children are adults now so they'll be no young cousins for my DC to grow up with.

I'm still undecided but 3 would be my absolute maximum!

I think smaller families are more likely to have a larger carbon footprint as they’re more likely to afford foreign travel compared to the bigger families. Close in age doesn’t guarantee close siblings at all.

I think it's all relative personally. As a family of 6 (4dc), we've not had a holiday in 5 years, we've never taken the dc abroad. I hate taking the dc shopping so try and limit supermarket runs as much as possible, meal plan, online grocery shop etc. We grow some of our own veg and frequently hand down clothes.

My childless friend couple take 2-3 holidays abroad each year and visit family in France for regularly. They also zip up and down the country for weekends away.

My vegan friend and her dh has a diet with horrific air miles due to their love of foreign fruits and again, travels abroad regularly to take part in yoga training, meditation holidays etc.

Who can say the impact of my family of 6 is greater than those two families of 2 each?

I honestly cant imagine coping with a big family with all the expectations and rules of modern parenting.
Ive got 3. It feels like it never ends. My mum is one of 11. I love being part of a big extended family, but I have no idea how my grandmother managed. She had no help either as she was stationed here away from family.

I think though in many ways it would be harder today to do it, as its more frowned upon to do stuff like smacking, kicking kids out of house to play all day, or using oldest girl as extra parent etc.

@Branleuse

Totally agree, it must be harder nowadays to have a big family. There's far higher expectations with regards to parenting now. Kids don't play out as much, it's frowned upon to let them walk to school at a young age or leave them home alone. They must go to after school activities blah blah...

When you have 4 plus you get funny looks. But hey who cares. My kids might be looking after them one day! Who knows!? And sometimes bigger families have a bit more discipline( not as in punishment, but as in routine and expectations) as they need to work together to make things work. Obviously not true in all large families but in the ones i know it does.

For example. We got our as a family. Sometimes just me and the kids. They have to be on their best behaviour by 110% otherwise we will just go home and no one is happy. Where a lot of smaller families will pander to the tantrum etc because there is no need to worry about anyone else. İ don't know. İ know what i mean... İ don't explain things very well

I have 3 DCs, but with a big age gap between DC2 & DC3.

One of my closest friends has 7. Her 8th passed away shortly after birth a couple of years ago. They are all happy, clean, well fed children. However they have 5 in one bedroom & 2 on bunks in a very small box room. It’s a squeeze while they are young, but I’m not sure they’ll fit the house very well as teens .