DM and small town gossip

[HeyMonkey]

Disclaimer: yes I'm sure when my mum is no longer here I would give anything to have her back waffling utter shite at me etc etc, before those posters jump on.

My DM has a heart of gold and is a thoroughly nice person. But Jesus Christ she talks complete shite at us for hours. Every anecdote:

A) She has told us before
B) Is about people we have never met.
C) Is completely inconsequential I.e is a story about a stranger who has a neighbor that has a niece who went to my school and is now working in the co-op where Woolworths used to be.

I just can't. She's a nice person, but WHY do I need to hear these Shakespearean monologues that have no point or ending.

So when people say about not getting too intimate - it might be that, but nobody talks about intimate things all the time. You talking about your kids exam results or the hobbies they are doing, is your equivalent of your parents talking about people you have never met. You are talking about what has happened in your life with your kids, they are talking about what has happened in their lives.

I had to laugh, my mother and mother in law were often like that. I remember them once having a conversation about whether McVities Rich Tea biscuits were better than Sainsbury's!

Try to let it wash over you.

Laughing so much at these, specially the cousin you dont see cos shes too busy running marathons
But...you think you've got troubles? I've got 6 old ladies on my gardening books and they're all like this. Not only do I hear all the she said then I said convos but now I'm hearing all the 'cutesy'(NOT) things their little great grandkids say. And so far they're only talking babble. Bit like their great grandmas actually.
I accept that it's gotta be a lot different when it's your rel.tho.

Oh I feel all your pain! My DM does this; it’s either people she vaguely knows, their friends, jobs, families in forensic detail or it’s people from her past who are long dead (not close people either, in one case someone who looked at her funny one time). She’s lovely really! It’s that the sad part of it all is no intimacy in the here and now. I feel I’ve come to visit only to find the house already full and DM gossiping to everyone but me. She knows what I do for a living and will tell me in detail if any reference to my job has cropped up on TV or the radio, but just y’know asking me?

Love this thread even though I recognise how disappointing this stuff can be.
It can leave you incredibly lonely in the world.
At the same time the examples are so familiar, they are quite hilarious.
On facing losing my home, having to move country, my marriage in pieces , my business collapsing around my ears and basically a massive fucking disaster on all levels , I called my mother.
She said
"Well, I loved moving house when I was six. It was so exciting. The most exciting day of my life"
Nothing else. 😂

Yep, my mum is exactly the same. But sometimes it’s not meaningless drivel, sometimes she ‘gossips’ about things that are really topics to gossip about. My cousin’s wife recently had a really traumatic sounding miscarriage. I know because she confided in me as she knew I’d been through something similar, but it definitely wasn’t public knowledge. My mum somehow found out and was very excited to tell me all about it. When I basically told her to shut the fuck up, she was most put out.

Totally agree with the PP who said it’s their world shrinking. And in my mum’s case it’s also a fucking lack of empathy and tact.

Not my specific job, my area of work

aren’t really topics to gossip about

OP I feel your pain. MY own late DM used to do this. She was constantly rabbiting on about people I'd never met and was never likely to meet. She was frequently on my case about not 'reporting' back to her that I'd seen her friend from her Thursday club on the bus or such like. Used to drive me mad. Also,she was an avid soap watcher,Emmerdale,Corrie,Brookside etc. I never watched any of them. But this didn't stop her from constantly asking me to explain something that was going on,who was this new character etc etc,even though I had no idea! She died nearly 8 years ago,and bloody hell,I do miss her.

My mum used to tell the same story over and over about people I didn’t know. It was so annoying.

Two years ago she had a stroke and it’s left her unable to speak. I would love now to be able to hear her waffle on about some rubbish 😢

Be careful what you wish for

Or
“Ooooooooooooh you will NEVER guess who I saw today in morrisons!”
It will be someone I went to school with, in the village I haven’t lived in for thirty years, whose name I don’t recognise, who I couldn’t give a rats arse about.
And she’ll tell me they really gained weight. Since we last encountered them aged four.
I think it’s meant to make me feel a bit better about all my life failures 😂

Oh, and detailed descriptions of the gynaecological problems of women I’ve never met. Who has had what taped to where, hysterectomies etc.

I’ve got round this by pretending to be very squeamish (I’m not really).

Trouble is, if you asked her about herself/what she did, it would likely be 'I got up. I had toast for breakfast. I did some washing. I bought some more bread in the afternoon, had to rest because my back hurts when I walk to the shop/bus stop and then I took painkillers and watched TV until it was time for bed, where I felt so lonely, I had to put the TV on so it felt like somebody else was there and I fell asleep'.

I don't think many people would want to hear that, either.

Fireinthegrate I refer you to the OP's very first sentence. I am very sorry about your mum, but OP posted a clear disclaimer.

My MIL is like this and I am a bit dubious about the 'their world is shrinking' hypothesis as she has been like this for the past 30 years. However, she has always been a housewife and lived in the same town, so I guess she chose to have a pretty small world to start with. I just want to make clear, this is not necessarily and age thing - my mum is in her 70s and has lots to chat about because she does lots. She also takes a genuine interest in mine and my children's lives. Some people are insular and dull at any age - and I am interested in the 'avoiding intimacy' theory - that has a ring of truth.

My FIL is like this! I've been with DH over 20 years. FIL lives abroad, so when he comes it's always for days. The man has never asked me a single question about me. He wouldn't know where I worked, what I do, or what I think about a single subject. I, on the other hand, think I would win a quiz about every aspect of his life and every opinion he has, because he is very happy to go on and on and on.... I used to sit tight and smile. Then I turned mid 40s and now I ensure he has a cuppa and leave the room for DH to deal with.

I love those scenes in the Royle family where Nana is just sat there talking shite and Denise and Barbara keep exchanging glances, stifling giggles.

My mum isn't lonely or has nothing else to talk about, she lives with my DF, has a large family, works, goes out for a curry, meets friends for wine, etc etc.

She just wants to be the one talking all the time. I repeat, she's a kind good person. And of course I'll miss her when she's gone.

She just does not stop talking for a second, it's all stuff of no interest to the people she is talking to (apart from her), and if I venture to say something about my own life all it will do is remind her of something similar that happened to someone she knows, and she'll cut me off telling my own news to tell me the long story about the person she knows.

It's extremely tiresome, and it sounds like I'm not alone.

My mum makes things up then says she never said any such thing. She told people when I moved in with my husband (when we were engaged) that I was living in a place 50 minutes from where I lived that I had never set foot in. I asked why and she said ‘ach that’s the nearest town’....erm no it’s not! She does this a lot, makes up things or changes them. She asks my brother if his friend still lives in x he never lived there!

My DM does this. She's always telling me about people she goes to Slimming World with and all their ailments and family problems and I dont even know who they are.

I’ve got round this by pretending to be very squeamish (I’m not really).

Me too! Only in my case it's a blow by blow account of my mother's latest water infection or stomach bug I'm avoiding "oooh, the burning. The itching!! 'Down there' you know"

She's a nice person, but WHY do I need to hear these Shakespearean monologues that have no point or ending.

Obsessive monologues may be a sign of Aspbergers.

Drains or radiators, that is the question. Radiators provide heat, warmth and energy. Drains suck the life out of you. It's not an age thing or a small world thing. It's whether a person is a positive or a negative person. Nothing can be done to change a person's attitude. Just try and deal with this negativity in your own way. It's probably not worth trying to change the subject maybe just say, oh really, umm, gosh, that's terrible or any other non commital response that suits you.

Obsessive monologues may be a sign of Aspbergers. That's interesting. My DM will need to start again at the beginning if she's ever interrupted.

Throughout my life my Mum has had a series of best friends who always seem to have an awesome daughter who she will talk about endlessly

The current one is Anns downstairs who has 'poor Angie' who is obviously fabulous and I hear monologues about her and her god damn dogs arsehole. Yes I get a blow by blow account of Baxters arsehole and how it's doing. She is constantly texting when she is with me and relays the latest text about what Baxter is up to

Last time she was here she went on for hours about how Angie loves gardening and just how much time she spends tending her garden. All while she is stuck to an armchair without moving for days and if she would onlt get up form her chair and move 20 ft she could see my lovelt garden

There will occasionally be a burst of "How is the new job?" And I get about 10 seconds to speak until she starts talking about a neighbours cousins new job at the newsagents....

Yes, this is very familiar. I don’t think my in-laws know a single thing about me.

They cut the grandchildren off to tell us all the same story that all of us could now regurgitate word for word as we’ve heard everything she says a million times over.

She only asks questions in order to turn the conversation back to herself. I sometimes sit there and count how many times she says ‘I’ or ‘me’ in a minute.

It passes the time.