After years of Arsehole ex dumping everything on me and not giving me time to clean ourselves out of the house, I went away with DP for the first time, leaving an immaculate house.
Crawled in at about 1.30am to the most awful stench.
The manky lodger, who had supposedly been away with a Tinder date, had obviously come back for a few days before going away with a different one and prepared various junk foods, including four full pans of pasta. And left them on the hob, on the countertop and in the sink.
Fermenting pasta is not something you want to come home to, especially when she'd left her bedroom door open and the stench of 6 months of unwashed clothes hoarding and leftover food had wafted everywhere over the top of the fermented pasta smell.
I cleaned until 4am.
She rolled in about four days later and 'needed a quiet word'. Apparently, my DP hadn't cleaned up before we left and she'd had to deal with getting the entire house clean. Yeah, right. That was why my bed looked like it had been used, then.
A previous flat, I was away for 5 days and my then neighbour had agreed to feed the cats. Came back to find the then would-be cocklodger had conned her into thinking we'd got back together, attempted to move his stuff in and was passed about in an alcoholic stupor on the living room floor. He was most affronted that I wasn't falling over myself to thank him for valiantly attempting to force his way back into my life.
Wish she'd contacted me to check. I'd have told her to call the police.
They both made the return to my first flat to find an ant infestation a pretty minor thing in comparison.