Anyone else ever feel like this? Even the blinds make me miss my DM.

[DonPablo]

My DM. Died 18 months ago. We were close and she was lived with us, from before she was ill. She was only 62 when she died.

We're making changes to the house and have been for the past year. Not big ones, just redecorating and stuff, but we've obviously 'gained' her rooms and that was hard.

But I had some blinds made for the kitchen with fabric we'd chosen together. She was going to make them for me. I've since had them made and they make me so dammed sad that she never got to see them. Or the kids doing their new stuff, or the fact that although I left my job to care for her, I have an amazing new job.

Its not so much me missing her, I do, a lot. Its the stuff she's missing out on and I have this weird thing where I want to keep a track of stuff. Like the fact she died in a world where she could go to Toys R Us. She loved looking for birthday presents and stuff in there (I hated it! She could spend hours in there!).

Does anyone else understand or do this? Thanks and because to, you must have lost someone you loved too.

My mum died unexpectedly last September (4 days after her birthday) & in the approach to the anniversary I’m finding myself missing her more & more. I can’t quite grasp that it’s nearly been a year since I last heard her voice & that I’m still not going to be able to speak to her when that times up. I’m sad that she missed the mamma Mia 2 movie & the new Mary Poppins because she was so looking forward to seeing them. I’m sad because of so many things that I can’t share with her, my DDs school photos, their achievements that she was so excited to hear about. I keep finding things to buy her for her birthday, Christmas or just because. I go to ring her so many times, sometimes just to keep me company while I’m walking home from work or the shops.
So sorry for all of your losses x

It’s been over 20 years since my dad died...before the internet really got going.
I think he would’ve loved it and so sad he never got to give it a go.
I could just see him shouting excitedly Hey Betty...I’ve just found this cheap flight to Las Vegas. Only £99 . leaves tomorrow. Get your bags packed..and mum would be right there with him.

He’d have loved my grandkids and he would have taken them out..bit of wild camping..ie going and cooking some sausages in a wild open space somewhere and then bringing them back for supper.
Oh heck...maybe not ..he’d be 92 by now 😢😭
Oh why do people have to die.😢
He’d have loved the strong woman I am today and my second husband would have got the seal of approval.

It’s been nearly three years for mam. She’d have loved our caravan in N Yorks and she’d have had her own bedroom ( well she had her own in our chalet in France and the villa in Florida) and she’d have loved this
She’d have helped me reupholster the seats and make the curtains.

She met her grandgraughter ..and would have loved the 9 year old version so much
She loved kids and animals my mum.
I could see her feeding the chickens when they hide under the caravan verandah

I miss them so much.

Sorry about your mum op. Yes I do this all the time. My grandma died 3 years ago this year and she’s never met my daughter. Dd looks so much like my mums side of the family and I can see my grandma in her so much it’s scary! We spoke on the phone every day and I saw her every other weekend. She’d be the first person I’d call if I needed advice on cooking or baking. I often see something and just for a split second I think oh I’ll tell gran but then I realise I can’t. Its totally normal. You have to imagine how happy they’d be to join in with all the wonderful things you’re doing.

Really relate to this.

My dd was in a middle school musical which had my dad's favourite song in it - she sang it brilliantly. I would have given an awful lot for my dad to have seen her do it. even a recording of it.

After he died I was walking in a famous graveyard here in Boston area and came across a grave of the sister of a famous Irish politician from the 19th century - would have loved to show it to him.

My mum and dad are dead 6 and 10 years now and they lived a longer life than your poor DM, OP, who died very young. But I still miss them. Actually this morning dh and I were having coffee in the garden and he said to me "I really miss your parents"

Oh yes OP, I know exactly what you mean. My mum died almost 10 months ago. I find I am at the stage where no one really asks how I am anymore and I find it very difficult to talk to anyone about Mum (as I feel that I will start crying then won't be able to stop!) She was diagnosed with kidney cancer in July and within 3 months was dead. She suffered and was in awful pain and at the moment I can't bear to think about those last few months. Little things remind me of her. Yesterday I was visiting my Dad and looking for some matches to light candles on his birthday cake. I opened one of the kitchen cupboards and all the baking stuff eg flour, jelly diamonds, icing sugar was there. She always made lovely cakes. I had bought Dad a cake but she would have made him one. Just another reminder of the finality of it. I haven't even got any photos of her at home as I just can't bear to look at them yet.

I have no brothers or sisters to share my memories with
Thankfully my children were close to both my parents
Still not quite the same

I’m clinging onto life as much as possible for my grandkids.
I’m the last grandma..

My mum died was I was 13 and I am 50. I still think about her and have strong memories and a sense of who she was. What is painful for me are flippant comments by people who assume I don't remember her or that it was so long ago it doesn't still affect me.

The good news is her love and the memories of her have sustained me all this time and helped me be a decent mum. Everything you wrote is completely normal and understandable xxx

What a hard thread.

Daft as it sounds, I find that speaking out loud (or in my head if others are around) helps eg look, I've made those curtains using the material you chose, don't they look lovely.

My df died last year when I was six months pregnant with dd. Every milestone she hits my first thought is "dad would have loved ....". I hate the fact that he never saw her, never held her, never got to play with her like he did ds. My Grandmother (his mum) died at the end of July and all through the funeral, I kept thinking he should be here.

He had a professional trial for a football club in his youth (but wasn't quite good enough) and now ds is starting to love and be really good at football and I wish he was here to see it.

My mum has since redecorated everywhere and the 2 things that dad always said were his in the divorce (a dresser and a batique picture) were couriered to me very fast as mum didn't want them in the house anymore. The dresser is in the front hall and I think of him everytime I walk past it.

My best friend died suddenly two years ago, age 42. I don't know how I got through the first six months, but I cried every day on my long drive to work. It was the only time I had alone to think. I cried for everything she would miss with her fantastic children who she loved so so much. It was after about a year I was suddenly hit by the grief for me...as I realised how utterly lonely in now as she was my best best friend in the world who knew me better than anyone and I just really miss having her to talk to. I find the anniversary of her death very tough.

Inmyown my mum was so looking forward to seeing mama Mia 2 as well, wed talking about going to see it for months . I watched it the other day on sky and I couldn't stop crying thinking how much she would of loved it. Other wee thing like we always went to see musicals together and shopping I now have no one to go with . My mum was the only one who truly knew me inside and out .even though I've been married 23 years my mum knew me better than my dh