Well, I am certainly not enjoying age 4

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

The attitude! The sass! The rage!! The WHINING. Good god! Is this who he is now or will he ever be sweet again? 😫 I mean we have nice spots of each day but I am more shouty than I’ve ever been. I’ve started shouting at the 1 year old too forgetting he doesn’t have a clue. Ugh.

I admit we’ve had a fairly easy time until now but it’s like the minute my eldest turned 4 (May) he turned into an absolute beast. I am hoping he’ll be nicer with all the stimulation school will bring, but in reality he’s just going to be exhausted and it will all be worse won’t it?

Constantly asking for treats, whining, screaming if the baby ruins his game (frustrating but there are other ways to deal aren’t there!). 🤯🤯🤯

Yesterday I bought him some smarties on the way home from nursery, he was lovely until the minute he’d finished them and then turned absolutely vile, which I just found so manipulative. He never eats his dinner and then always asks for an ice cream (obviously that never happens but he keeps asking). I always tell him ‘whinging has never worked so why do you keep whingeing for things?’ But maybe he’s still to young to understand that question.

Just a general rant! At least a lot of his friends are equally awful at the mo!

No advice, just It does get better. School seems to send them into an emotional meltdown period sometimes, so just brace yourself and don't engage with whining/mardy stuff. Praise all the lovely moments so he knows you're recognising his good choices (however rare they are).

I teach Reception and often we can have a bit of a rough period from September-December because everything so new, different and challenging for them. One thing I learned in my first year at school (from my old Headteacher, who was a shining light of genius when it came to small children) was to give myself a beat before answering anyone or dealing with whining. Just a quick count to five so I can process what tone I'm going to use. It sounds crazy but it's how I've always dealt with my own DC, too, and means that the first reaction that comes flying out isn't an impulsively-cross-shout which would just add fuel to their fire. Staying calm in the face of an irate 4 year old is such hard work, though, and parents of DC that age deserve a free holiday.

Whinging gives me the rage. You have my sympathy. If my dcs whinged, I would tell them off and tell them they had to ask for what the wanted in a "big girl voice". I would then model exactly what "big girl voice" sounded like and what they should say. If necessay, I would also model "whinging" so they knew exactly what it meant. They cottoned on fairy quickly. Worth a try?

Ah what...just yesterday I was saying that I hope 4 is easier than 3. We are DEEP in the tantrum, whining, complaining, shouting phase and it’s pushing me towards the edge of my sanity.

Good luck op. Stay strong ✊

4 is hard.

DD1 is sometimes an absolute angel and then sometimes it's "okay time to put your shoes on.... time to put your shoes on...... TIME TO PUT YOUR SHOES ON......SHOES. ON. NOW"

I try so hard not to be shouty but omg

With mine I found 4 the hardest. Young enough to melt down, old enough to be incredibly verbal; really hard work. The teenage years have honestly been a piece of cake by comparison.

It does get better though.

Yes, all of this! The "it's going to take foreverrrrrr" is driving me batty but the whining is the worst. Today we went for a walk in the wind so I couldn't hear anybody whining at me

Ah hooray! It’s not just my spawn!

Thanks for the solidarity. He is at his best friend’s house tonight (also 4) and the peace and calm is just delightful 😄

Today we went for a walk in the wind so I couldn't hear anybody whining at me Genius idea.

I do already model the nice and whiney voices but shall persevere. I think I’m a bit too harsh on him really, speak with a bit too much venom sometimes, but my god he has brought it upon himself 😄

But oh, sometimes he still looks so young and small ❤️

Oh God, I've found my people! The whining, the constant asking, the tears for no reason, and the constant, never ending speaking....

When does it get better? I found the baby and toddler stage much easier as although there was crying, you didn't have to actually engage in pointless discussion with it.

I think 4 is a lovely age. Apart from my own child and my four grand children I spent 30 years as a Nursery /Reception teacher. I love following their thought processes and working out why they think the way they do. They are open and honest (in their way) and generally eager for new experiences. Yes, they will test boundaries and try it on sometimes but think positive.

Mine has been a bit more emotional recently.
Lots of tears over things that wouldn't have bothered him in the slightest in the past.
Little tantrums which seem like testing boundaries.
I'm just keeping firm and sticking to the rules we've always had "you know we don't have treats before dinner" "you cant have both you can have one or we can put them all back". Keeping stern but it's a bit hard.

Today he announced he is "going away forever" and stomped off to sit on the stairs - to be honest it was such a cute tantrum I nearly melted 😆 and he did come back soon enough when he heard me getting snacks out of the cupboard.

I found 5/6 harder. That’s when the carefully considered responses started appearing.

Mine is 3.5 and today we had a full blown meltdown in the car because he “missed” the inch of lemonade he left in his cup in Pizza Hut

Ha! 4 is now affectionately referred to as the dawn of the devil years in my house.

Both DC. Soon as they turned 4 was like a switch flipped. Little buggers for 2 years.

You'll be pleased to know that all of us survived and they are now two lovely, we’ll tempered, polite adolescents.

Hehe mine are teenagers give me a 4 year old any day

My advice is enjoy the sass it gets worse too will pass

@Neolara you’re post made me laugh so much. Going to try this with ds tomorrow but don’t think I’ll be able to keep a straight face!

My dd is 4 in December. To be fair she's not to bad. Holidays are nearly over back to nursery on the 19th (NOT that I'm counting)

My 4yo has had 3 spells today where I have lifted him up and deposited him in the back garden (it's safe and enclosed!). He has been throwing things at his older sister, hitting her, hitting me, generally just being vile.

I'm actually finding leaving him in the garden until he decides he's calmed down enough to come back in, has been helpful for him and me. I can really get riled and at the mo I'm on my own as DH is away, so no tag team option. Putting him somewhere safe where he can scream/play/run it off, has stopped me really getting to the edge.

DS just gets frustrated and cross and takes it out physically on the nearest thing. Totally feel your pain

Oh my god yes.
I am totally with you on this. My eldest was 4 in April and does all the things you talk about in your OP
The whinging is driving me insane. She seems to think that it’s cute/funny/I don’t even fucking know, to speak in this horrible, whiny, high pitched baby voice and it makes me want to perforate my own ear drums with a screw driver I must tell her at least 30 times a day to “please use your big girl voice” but 5 minutes later she’s doing it again.

4 seems to be more violent, hitting me or siblings etc.
I think the light was seen a bit at 5yo.
I think tiredness at 4 as no naps. Longer days out/walks etc. Running cycling. Brain development. My 4yo comes out with such thought out comments.

I definitely need to go and just hear the wind.

I’m so glad I’ve seen this thread. I also have a 4 year old DS who is exactly as you describe. I feel that all I do is shout at him and I hate it. Perhaps we should start a support group!

Sorry to say, it doesn’t get better. 6 so far is way worse than 4.

Totally agree, 4 has been my worst age by faaaar. 5 is better right??? 😬

DS1 was THE most delightful child from the age of three and only got lovelier and more endearing from four when he was really able to articulate the charming thoughts in his clever little head. I took him on a mother-son trip to London for a little holiday just before he started Reception and it was utterly lovely.

DS2, however, has had every day of his life wished away from about 2.5 onwards as he has gone in an ever-upwards trajectory of cuntiness since then, seemingly peaking at four. Don’t get me wrong, he has creativity and humour to burn, and he has us in stitches more than DS1, but my God, the RAGES are ridiculous. And the senseless destruction of the house. And the need to crack out his favourite dance moves at traffic lights inches from speeding cars, but pulling him back results in a physical explosion of fury that could catapult him into said traffic. He says he wants to be a rock star. Since it’s like living with Keith Moon, I’d say he’s on track. He’s just turned five. I hope to Christ he turns a corner soon.

Every four year old is different.

I feel so much better - mine is exactly the same, with a mix of bartering, threats, completely ignoring any instructions and suddenly expecting daily presents since we went on holiday last week. She's hilarious but hard work - I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was wondering if it was me and my hormones but clearly not! I've got round it by just booking her into nursery for a few days so I can go home and enjoy the quiet!

Oh, yes, the ignoring of instructions norbert.

We even went so far as to have his ears syringed and had an assessment by an audiologist. Perfect hearing. He is definitely just ignoring us.