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Original poster

(Wedding) How to ask for cash instead of presents?

65 replies

Bookaholic73 · 08/08/2019 18:02

We are getting married next year. We live together and don’t need anything for the house etc.
I don’t drink, so alcohol is no good.

What we would really like is money towards a honeymoon which we won’t be able to afford else.

How can I word it nicely?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 08/08/2019 18:04

You can’t. Just say no presents and if people want to give you something they will probably give you money.

There is no nice way to say “please pay for us to go on a holiday we can’t afford”.

Heatherjayne1972 · 08/08/2019 18:04

You can’t. Any request for hard cash comes across as grabby
( my opinion obviously)

If you insist then Maybe one of those twee poems

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 08/08/2019 18:05

Don’t. People will give you money anyway. They know you already live together. If anyone asks you directly you can say “oh we really don’t need anything but if you want to give a gift we do have a honeymoon account you could add to”

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Weddings
sincethereis · 08/08/2019 18:06

You can’t ask for money nicely and not offend/irritate/irk at least one person.

I personally wouldn’t ask for money but I fully get why that’s the best option for you. Maybe use a cash registry website so it’s less “grabby” & definitely be specific about the money being used for honeymoon etc

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 08/08/2019 18:06

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart thank you, that sounds quite simple but nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 08/08/2019 18:06

@sincethereis I’ve not heard of one of those. I’ll have a look. Thanks!

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 08/08/2019 18:08

Just don’t ask for anything and most people will give you cash

JudgeRindersMinder · 08/08/2019 18:08

Just don’t. If someone actually asks you, the time to do it is then.

I’ve been married 22 years and haven’t had a honeymoon yet, because we’ve not been able to afford it. A honeymoon isn’t a right

StoorieHoose · 08/08/2019 18:09

Just say no presents and people will probably put money in a card.

You can't ask for.money

Ohyesiam · 08/08/2019 18:09

I’ve been to weddings where they just said” no presents please, but if you want to contribute to the honeymoon fund we’d be grateful.
DH thought it was rude and grabby, I thought it was straightforward and fine.
We said no presents and some people still have presents, and some gave money.

JudgeRindersMinder · 08/08/2019 18:10

Basically, what @JoxerGoesToStuttgart said

Pipandmum · 08/08/2019 18:10

There’s a registry (don’t know name but could be googled) that does things like snorkelling for two or dinner at X restaurant so people can buy things you do on your honeymoon. A friend’s daughter did this and there were plenty of different price points (or people could buy together) and it was for different things in different countries they were going to. It made it more personal than just writing a cheque.

Beamur · 08/08/2019 18:11

There's no nice way to do it! Just say what you've said here. There's nothing you need but cash would be appreciated. Don't bank on funding your honeymoon though.

SinglePringle · 08/08/2019 18:12

You can’t. And asking people to pay for a holiday they might never be able to achieve is beyond rude IMHO.

If someone said ‘no gifts’ I would give a gift voucher for around £100. I hate the idea of giving money.

MaureenSowerbutts · 08/08/2019 18:13

You could Google one of those wedding gift money poems and put one in the invitations.

The last 4 or 5 weddings I have been to have done this, I don't find it remotely grabby. Why do i want to buy someone a toaster they don't need?!

If I want to give someone a gift I want it to be what they need or want.

And no a honeymoon is not a right but it is bloody lovely and if your friends and family want to help you what's the issue?

MamaGee09 · 08/08/2019 18:14

You don’t and please don’t put one of those naff wee poems in the invite either, they are so twee.

Most people will give either money or vouchers anyway especially when you already live together,

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 08/08/2019 18:14

Thanks everyone. Just to clarify I’d never expect anything. And we are only planning on a night or 2 away in the UK.

OP posts:
MaureenSowerbutts · 08/08/2019 18:15

[grin]@MamaGee09

RushianDisney · 08/08/2019 18:16

Don't. It's the ultimate in tacky. If people want to give you money they will do so.

matahairyy · 08/08/2019 18:17

NO

FUCKING

POEMS

CakeNinja · 08/08/2019 18:20

Just stick a note in the invite.
Every wedding I have ever been to has had a list or money request in the invitation (apart from one, and when I asked what we could get them they asked for a donation to be made to the charity that had saved their dds life) - I have never been offended.
I thought it was traditional to give ‘something’ to the bride and groom, friends or family, I would never turn up empty handed to a wedding. Traditions have changed, people do live together now before they get married!
I don’t think it’s greedy or grabby, stick a note in and think no more of it. I’d rather know what you want and get that than a gift voucher for a shop you don’t want to buy anything from.

user1471453601 · 08/08/2019 18:21

My lovely niece and her soon to be husband were in a similar situation. They live together so really didn't need household goods.

Their wedding invite simply said they didn't want presents, guests turning up was what they really treasured. They then said that if guests felt inclined a small contribution to their honeymoon ( to be taken later in the year) would be welcome.

I didn't find this "grabby" at all. I'm fact, my initial thought was "thank goodness I don't have to wreck my brains to think of a suitable present for a couple who have already set up home together".

Go for it, OP, and I hope you have a great day

PepsiLola · 08/08/2019 18:22

We were invited to a wedding which gave you a digital gift list.

The gift list was things ranging from £5 to £100, which you could click on to buy, but they were no physical items.

So there honeymoon was Italy, and £5 was a slice of pizza, £10 bottle of wine, £20 meal (giving really bad examples here). When you paid for it, the money just went into some sort of account for their honeymoon funds.

I didn't think it was grabby, the "gifts" they listed out covered all budgets

lavenderbluedilly · 08/08/2019 18:24

You just don’t, it’s incredibly rude. If people ask specifically what you would like, you could say money or vouchers, but don’t be the one to suggest it!

EdtheBear · 08/08/2019 18:24

A wee bit cheeky to ask for cold hard cash esp to essentially blow on a honeymoon.

But is their something in your house that needs upgraded, or replaced, carpets, sofa, bed, bathroom, kitchen, etc. People will be a bit less Shock if you say we are saving to replace the carpets etc Wink