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Original poster

(Wedding) How to ask for cash instead of presents?

65 replies

Bookaholic73 · 08/08/2019 18:02

We are getting married next year. We live together and don’t need anything for the house etc.
I don’t drink, so alcohol is no good.

What we would really like is money towards a honeymoon which we won’t be able to afford else.

How can I word it nicely?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 08/08/2019 18:24

You just need to identify as Irish, Greek or Indian for the wedding and then people will be happy to give you money.

Otherwise you're having a photo frame that you neither want nor need and must be gushingly grateful at the generosity.

MaureenSowerbutts · 08/08/2019 18:27

I honestly have no idea why it is considered cheeky, rude, in bad taste or tacky.

I didn't do it myself as we married abroad with a handful of guests so didn't want presents. But we would have been in the same position as I would imagine most people are.

CurbsideProphet · 08/08/2019 18:29

We're getting married soon and own a home together. We didn't put anything in the invite about gifts, as I'm not keen on that. We know that our friends / family will be happy to just give a bit of cash or some vouchers anyway.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 08/08/2019 18:30

I think the suggestion by Pepsi is great and also the post with holiday Experiences

I think cash is really impersonal and hate giving it - it's a very physical indicator of how much/little you can afford when it's fluttering out of the card!

matahairyy · 08/08/2019 18:30

i think the pizza thing sounds fun!
NIce to account for all budgets
Paying for a honeymoon is seen as very normal in most cultures. I wouldnt put a note in though but I think that is generational

Hattie78 · 08/08/2019 18:34

There's a website called Prezola where you can create your honeymoon 'gift list'. Not used it myself but heard of it so might be worth looking at.

matahairyy · 08/08/2019 18:34

i find too much hassle with weddings can put me off tbh

Cash in an envelope
BOOM

Wiltshirelass2019 · 08/08/2019 18:39

Don’t, it’s really cheeky. People will give anyway x

IAskTooManyQuestions · 08/08/2019 18:41

Tell them its a Greek Wedding and they can pin notes to your dress ….

Crunchymum · 08/08/2019 18:42

How much is the wedding costing?

Why don't you fuck it off and use the money for a honeymoon (you can do registry office and party after instead of a big wedding?)

SweetMelodies · 08/08/2019 18:46

Tbh most of the weddings I’ve attended in the past decade have had the naff poems on the invite about already ‘living in sin’ with everything they need so although no gift is required then a little towards the honeymoon would be appreciated if they want. Didn’t think they were rude.

Purpleartichoke · 08/08/2019 18:48

Just don’t.

If people ask, you can say you would live contributions to your honeymoon fund, but I think you should also have some physical gift at the ready. Surely you have towels that are wearing out or could benefit from a quality set of dishes that will last you the next 20 years.

SciFiScream · 08/08/2019 18:52

You really need to make sure people don't buy you gifts.

Why don't you set up a Celebration Fund with a favourite charity to reinforce that?

People may still give you gifts of money.

HitchhikersSnide · 08/08/2019 19:00

I don't understand why asking for money is rude but having a gift list isn't? I'd rather just give money because I'm really lazy!

SuzieQ10 · 08/08/2019 19:05

So much prefer it when couples ask for money. I (and most people) would never go to a wedding empty handed, so being able to skip the present shopping or ordering something over priced from John Lewis wish list is brilliant. I'd far rather put some cash in a card! 100%.

No objection either to it being stated on an invite that they'd prefer money rather than gifts. Been to a few Asian weddings where they put 'no boxed gifts please. Really don't see why people get offended by this.

TakingARiskOrNot · 08/08/2019 19:11

Don't be coy and British. Be direct and say you don't expect anything but a contribution towards a honeymoon would be appreciated. Then have a postbox/table in the entrance for people to, anonymously if necessary, give cards and envelopes of cash.

I would much rather give cash than fanny about on a gift registry or worse, have to think of a present Grin

HermioneWeasley · 08/08/2019 19:18

I’ve never understood why asking for money is grabby, but a gift list is fine - it’s the same impact on the guest.

Just don’t do it in one of those god awful poems.

GrandmaSharksDentures · 08/08/2019 19:20

Only on MN is asking for cash as a wedding present frowned on. Perfectly fine in my opinion

SinglePringle · 08/08/2019 19:30

I don’t like giving cash as a gift because I (would like to) give a gift that means something. Presumably I know the B&G and have an insight into their tastes. I would enjoy spending time thinking about something appropriate and relevant. I’d like the idea of them looking at the art work, dinner service, glasses etc etc and thinking fondly about their wedding day.

I don’t want to give cash for people to buy a slice of pizza

DappledThings · 08/08/2019 20:16

This comes up all the time on MN. You'll get half the posters telling you its horrendously rude and grabby and half saying it's totally fine and and much easier for your guests. I'm firmly in the latter camp.

Just say that you don't want anyone to feel they have to get you something but if they do want to a contribution to your honeymoon would be hugely appreciated.

None of the grabby camp have managed to explain to me why asking for money is rude but a traditional gift list isn't. Can't see any difference myself.

boosterrooster · 08/08/2019 20:43

A lot of people hate the cash only requests.

Could you have your family help put the word out there? My mum used to casually mention to friends and family that we had everything we need so cash would be best. IL's did the same.

eternalopt · 08/08/2019 22:21

You'll get flamed on here for asking for even suggesting you ask for cash but we did and we've been to plenty of weddings where others did the same and took no offence (in fact, it's a relief as it's way easier and I'd never turn up to a wedding empty handed). I don't see it as anymore "grabby" than the traditional way of doing things and setting up a gift list.

We were printing off a sheet of info on b&bs and taxis etc to put inside the invites and we just put a note on there to explained that, as we'd both had our own places before meeting, we didn't have a gift list as we had doubles of most household things. We simply said that if people wanted to give us a gift, we'd appreciate money so we could put it towards a bigger item when we bought a house together. Most people did. Some didn't. No issue.

AutumnCrow · 08/08/2019 22:32

I don't mind being being asked for money, but dear god I very much do mind being sent those dreadful fucking poems that always seem to rhyme 'not being funny' (no, no you're not) with 'please give us money'.

EdtheBear · 08/08/2019 23:28

I struggle to put it into words, money for the couple's home like a gift list I'm absoultely fine with.
Maybe because it's a permanent or goibg towards a permanent gift, but I really find the idea of spending wedding money on a honeymoon a bit off.

EmiliaAirheart · 09/08/2019 00:19

Without exception, every phrasing mentioned on this thread is still tacky as anything.

Just don’t say anything. People who want to - and are in the financial position to - give you something will know to default to cash. People who have spent enough on attending your wedding will get you a nice card.