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Original poster

Dd won’t leave the dog alone

42 replies

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 15:20

I have a 13 year old dd. She had ASD. We have a small terrier like dog and she just won’t bloody leave him alone.

She keeps picking him up and he has started growling at her. I’ve explained if he bites someone he will have to be put down but she just isn’t getting it. I’m telling her he is growling is a warning.

This is happening six or seven times a day particularly now we are in the summer hols and to be honest it’s driving me nuts.

Has anyone got any experience or help? I’ve just had yet another go at her. She just doesn’t bloody listen.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 08/08/2019 15:43

I would allocate the dog a safe area that she isny allowed to go in, and set clear rules around her not picking the dog up without checking with you, if she isn't good at interpreting the dog's level of comfort.

Maybe something like linking pocket money to her sticking to the rules? It sounds very unfair to the dog at the moment.

Summerwellunderway · 08/08/2019 15:47

Is she responsible enough to take it out? Explain ddog is her friend and loves a walk together but irritating the poor thing will make it hate her!
My dc get told ddogs won't like them if they aren't nice!
Removal of tech works wonders in most instances I find!

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 15:56

She takes him out and that is fine but when he is sleeping wants to be all over him. I crate him if I have to nip out and say don’t take him out the crate but usually she takes no notice. I’ve had to go so far as to say if she can’t leave him he will have to go.

She wasn’t that interested in him at first but it’s started getting worse.

OP posts:
Helga55 · 08/08/2019 16:07

God forbid, but if he did bite her, would you PTS?

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 16:10

No I don’t think I would because it wouldn't be his fault. But if he bit another child then I would have to look at taking action. But again as horrible as it sounds that would be because of her behaviour.

I’m sick of having to tell her every single day. I may have to end up rehoming him.

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 08/08/2019 16:12

Jesus keep the dog safe and stop her annoying him

SummerLove2306 · 08/08/2019 16:14

Jesus keep the dog safe and stop her annoying him

Why do you think OP started this thread? Hmm

helpmeiamatoad · 08/08/2019 16:15

chipsandpeas Are you kidding? How is that a helpful comment? OP is asking for advice on how to do literally that. Her DD is 13, she can hardly be manhandled or locked up to stop her from annoying the dog.

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 16:15

I’m trying too that’s why I’m asking for advice.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 08/08/2019 16:17

I would say if your dd doesn't follow instructions about leaving the dog in its crate then she isn't mature enough to be at home unsupervised.

Bookaholic73 · 08/08/2019 16:20

No amount of explaining to her is helping. I would ban her from touching the dog altogether.
This will mean that EVERY time she touches the dog, you are there and take the dog away from her, and give her repercussions.
Don’t end up shutting the dog away for hours, it’s doing nothing wrong.

Honestly, I would rehome the dog before it ends up biting her and developing negative feelings towards all children.

Soola · 08/08/2019 16:21

Protecting the dog from being manhandled is paramount so as the poster above said, your daughter cannot be trusted to be alone with the dog which I imagine is going to be difficult for you to arrange.

Soola · 08/08/2019 16:22

Alternatively there are realistic looking toy dogs that you and her could google and see if she finds one she likes and would agree to cuddling instead of the actual dog.

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 16:22

She is too old for childcare now.

I’ll have to look to put the dog with someone else during the day.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 08/08/2019 16:23

Maybe shell understand when he starts nipping her fingers and toes.

RoLaren · 08/08/2019 16:24

Could you padlock the crate?

SarahTancredi · 08/08/2019 16:24

I would also say rehome.

You cant follow a 13 year old around all day every day for however long she lives with you into adult hood or til the dog dies. It's just not feasible.

I think it's better done now than when the dog starts developing issues that make rehoming harder.

Sorry it's probably not what you want to hear Flowers

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 16:28

I will sit her down and speak to her. The other kids will be devastated if the dog is rehomed. Whole other thread but they get frustrated already with the impact DD’s needs have on the family (we have to tailor most of what we do to suit her). It’s very difficult.

OP posts:
bodgeitandscarper · 08/08/2019 16:31

Another vote to rehome here unfortunately.

If the dog is growling now then he is warning that he will bite if she doesn't stop. She obviously can't interpret the signals, and if she is tormenting him when you are out, it is highly likely that she will get bitten. Better all round for him to be homed elsewhere.

Bookaholic73 · 08/08/2019 16:33

You’ve already told her. You already said ‘she just doesn’t bloody listen’.

Honestly, I know you don’t want to hear it, but the best thing for the poor dog is to go to a home where it won’t constantly be hounded.

Wolfiefan · 08/08/2019 16:34

You need to ensure they are never left alone together. If you go out then she has to come to.

RavenLG · 08/08/2019 16:37

I'd be worried, it seems like you have already tried things but to no avail. If you crate the dog could you put a padlock on so she couldn't open it? But then how much are you crating, as it doesn't seem fair on the dog to be shunned to a crate (i know they can be a safe space etc.) as he's not doing anything wrong. As a PP said, can the dog have it's own area?

I have no experience with ASD but are there any repercussions for this behaviour?

Honestly, I'd look at rehoming, a dog doesn't deserve this kind of stress every day and it could be a really dangerous situation for your daughter.

Summerwellunderway · 08/08/2019 16:38

Rehome.

Though doubt you get many takers for a hormonal teen!!

BadnessInTheFolds · 08/08/2019 16:39

What's her level of understanding and following instructions generally? I'm guessing she's fairly high functioning from your description.

Sorry if it's an obvious question but is the idea of 'he might be put to sleep on the future' too abstract for her, especially in the face of how rewarding she finds picking him up?

Social story around how to look after dogs? With visuals if that helps her. There's a few online at varying levels

Perhaps a "don't touch" sign on his crate as a constant visual reminder so she can't 'forget'.

What normally motivates her? Can you try rewarding her with 5 mins of a favourite activity if she leaves him in the crate when you pop out. Maybe trial just going out for a short time (even if it's just 5 min walk to the end of the road) to start with and build up from there.

What does she like about picking him up?

Find something warm and fluffy to hold instead if it's a sensory thing? (hot water bottle with fleecy cover??)

Could it be redirected into 'looking after him' in other ways if that's what's rewarding? Getting his toys ready for when he wakes up or filling a Kong with treats etc. Could she look up tricks to teach him while he sleeps/isn't in the mood and then work on them at a set time each day? Does she usually play with him appropriately when he's awake?

In the short term, a padlock on crate so she can't get him out would help temporarily while you work on her behaviour. (It could be a combination lock if multiple family members need access) and then constant vigilance when he's out the crate

Sorry complete scatter gun of ideas there! Hopefully some might be useful

It sounds like hard work! BrewCakeGin depending on your preference

Poochandmutt · 08/08/2019 16:42

Ahh I have exactly the same,my ds is 20.
The dog is 2 years old ,he will not leave her alone ,he has effected her personality as she is now snappy .
Last week she bit him on the finger ,he hasn’t been near her since,thank god forthat

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