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Original poster

Dd won’t leave the dog alone

42 replies

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 15:20

I have a 13 year old dd. She had ASD. We have a small terrier like dog and she just won’t bloody leave him alone.

She keeps picking him up and he has started growling at her. I’ve explained if he bites someone he will have to be put down but she just isn’t getting it. I’m telling her he is growling is a warning.

This is happening six or seven times a day particularly now we are in the summer hols and to be honest it’s driving me nuts.

Has anyone got any experience or help? I’ve just had yet another go at her. She just doesn’t bloody listen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 16:43

Don’t touch sign might help.

It’s like she forgets, she gets very upset when I tell her off.

She just says things like but I love him so much he won’t bite me. I don’t think she can put herself in the shoes of someone who might get bitten. I always say it’s not about him biting you it’s about him biting someone else. I don’t think she can grasp the enormity of it.

She buys him treats with her pocket money and likes to walk him round the block but she isn’t picking up on the when he is sleeping just leave him bloody be bit.

OP posts:
Alwaysgrey · 08/08/2019 16:44

I have a 10 year old dd with asd and she’s exactly the same with our dog. He’s growled at her a few times. Thankfully he spends a lot of time outside. He generally does when she’s at school too. But it’s bloody annoying as I worry he will bite her.

Poochandmutt · 08/08/2019 16:46

I would of rehired if he had hurt the dog ,but it was more just irritating her ,he was doing.shes lovely with everyone else ,but she will growl at him ..now they are ignoring each other ,which is good .
It yeah op I’ve no advice because nothing I did worked..
Oh actually tell a lie ,I’d put a lock on the kitchen door and lock her in with the back doors open ,when I had to go out and he was home alone with her ,as I didn’t trust him..but only when he was the only person left in the house

RubbingHimSweetly · 08/08/2019 16:51

It sounds like it is coming from her loving him so much so it's sad that she isn't getting the danger. Could you help her so she is doing more jobs for him but at appropriate times? So a visual timetable next to a clock. 7am - feed breakfast. 9am - walk round block. 930am - crate for nap. 11am - training session with 10 x small treats. Etc etc.

My dd is only 7 but similar with our dog (except he's huge so she can't pick him up). We manage it by having the visual timetable and the times she is allowed to help with specific tasks. She looks forward to her times with him but because it specifically says 'nap time in crate' on the timetable she is able to leave him alone and wait for the appropriate time. It's helping her with training him too as she looks and sees what 'needs' doing.

Is that something that you could try or have tried?

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/08/2019 16:53

That’s a really good idea. I will try that.

OP posts:
coldwarenigma · 08/08/2019 17:04

summerwellunderway Grin

I thought the same..Grin

BadnessInTheFolds · 08/08/2019 17:11

If the idea of biting someone else in the future is too big to grasp, how about focusing on the fact it makes DDog feel sad and angry when she wakes him up.

Does she wake people up generally? If not, could you explain that it's DDog's bedtime because dogs sleep more than people.

In terms of treats I was thinking of a bit of a script for her so she had a clear alternative in the moment she wants to wake him up.
Something like:

When you want to play with DDog, check if he's awake. If he's asleep you can get ready to play with him later. Go and get his lead, poo-bags and treats and put them by the front door and make sure his water bowl is full. Then you can choose something fun to do before he wakes up.

That way she might feel like she's done something nice for him, even if it's not a cuddle! (Obviously it might not appeal to her, and doesn't work if she wants to wake him up every 5 min!)

Maybe another obvious question, does she recognise when he's asleep?

Just been googling and found this doggonesafe.com/A-Kids-Comprehensive-Guide-to-Speaking-Dog

TixieLix · 08/08/2019 17:15

As kids we used to have a small poodle which my brother tormented all the time. The dog eventually became snappy and one day it went for my brother and bit him on the face. Missed his eye by about an inch. The next day I remember my mum saying she was taking the dog for a walk. She came back without him as she'd taken him to be PTS 😥

stucknoue · 08/08/2019 17:26

We had a short time when dd was really struggling at school with anxiety when she would pester the dog, but he's quite heavy to pick up and can be grumpy if he's not in the mood for cuddles and she did take the hint - asd should not hinder her ability to follow instructions generally. Dd sometimes refuses to follow instructions and I'm sure it's not her asd! Ps pretty sure my dog is autistic too - single minded, doesn't like strangers, ball obsessed and grumpy

Singlenotsingle · 08/08/2019 19:43

Mine too. She doesn't like visitors, especially children. She bit the Hermes man the other day, (after he'd rung the bell three times in quick succession followed by hammering on the door). She doesn't like to play, and runs and hides when I suggest a walk. But she loves me and jumps up on my lap for a cuddle.

rosedream · 08/08/2019 23:16

Would she respond to a social story about what to do.

If she would understand them could you make one for her.

Also a picture of her holding the dog with a Red Cross through it. Show her and say dog on floor whenever she try's to pick him up.

aurynne · 09/08/2019 01:14

Many terrier-type dogs do not like cuddles and being held and patted as much as other breeds. I have a Cairn terrier who is an amazing dog, but I do miss the affection and cuddles I got from other dogs I owned. My current dog does not like being held or hugged, and has affection in her own terms. Nothing wrong with that, it's her character, but an ASD person may not understand that.

My contribution to this thread is a bit different: you mention your other children get along and love the dog, so it would be unfair to rehome the dog. How about you go to dog shelters and look for a very affectionate, cuddly dog for your DD only? There are plenty of dogs who thrive on cuddles and attention, it just appears the dog you have is not one of these. Alternatively, an older puppy from an affectionate breed, such as bichon frise, could be an option, and would also give your DD a friend who is "hers" only and could teach her responsibility.

Good luck whatever solution you find!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/08/2019 01:51

I was also going to suggest a visual time table

Purpleartichoke · 09/08/2019 05:33

Pretend you had a dog and a two year old. You would never let them be together unattended. Dog in another room or by your side. Use a leash indoors if you have to.

LIZS · 09/08/2019 20:40

Can you give the dog its own space, maybe doggy daycare for a few hours, so he and your dd get a break. Keep her out of the same room at naptime, Never leave the dog in house with just the children, take either them or him out with you.

KurriKurri · 09/08/2019 21:35

It's a difficult problem - she clearly loves the dog but is demonstrating her love in an innapropriate way.
Would she make a list with you ? two sheets of paper one headed things DDOG likes the other things DDOG doesn't like, get her to think about what to put on each list and discuss with her whether she has chosen the right list for the action.
So treats. walks toys on likes list.
being woken up and cuddled, too much cuddling, or whatever ont he other list.
Get her to have a good think about what the dog enjoys rather than what she enjoys doing to the dog.
Then stick her lists up in each room and remind her to check them frequently.

I don't know if it would help - but might be worth a try. My xh could never grasp the dog's signals - he would casually pat her when she was fast asleep and she'd be terribly startled and grwol, or he'd pester her and she'd growl at him but he'd keep on doing it, And I'd be saying 'listen to her, she's telling you to back off'. he just didn;t seem to get it - some people don't.

Could you discuss the dog's 'language' with her - give a rough imitation of say a growl and say to her 'what is DDOG trying to say when he makes this noise' and 'what do you need to do if he makes this noise?'

But ultimately if she won't leave him alone you may have to rehome or definitely give him an escape area and tell her that when he goes into x space he is firmly saying 'leave me alone. Now.' Or he will be miserable.

How are you rother children with telling her to back off from the dog ? Are you all singing from the same hymn sheet ?

OpheliaTodd · 09/08/2019 21:40

Electric collars can be good. Zap her every time she goes near him.

Seriously though - rehome the poor dog. At what point are you going to say enoughs enough? At this rate his whole life will be spent being pestered. It’s not fair.

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